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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

607 replies

NancyDrawed · 23/09/2024 17:19

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

OP posts:
swimsong · 23/09/2024 23:15

Nn9011 · 23/09/2024 17:30

I really don't understand this idea - the basis of the human language is that you have pronouns. Just saying I is using a pronoun. Now you may not agree with the idea that people should not be able to change their pronouns (I personally support it but each to their own) however ANYONE saying they don't believe in using pronouns clearly does not understand the English language.

Everyone knows this already.

LikeWeUsedToBe · 23/09/2024 23:13

I'd go with "sex based" and leave it at that. That what I plan to say if asked but I've not been asked personally. Constantly asked it in forms form my kids though

Lovelyview · 23/09/2024 23:06

ditalini · 23/09/2024 17:31

I'd love to use "sex based, like my oppression" because it sums up the whole farago, but I think this is the most practical. "Female pronouns are fine" isn't a political statement either way.

I agree 'female pronouns are fine' is a good one for an interview. You could say 'is that relevant to the position?' if you feel like pushing back. I think you probably won't get asked though.

bathofbeans · 23/09/2024 22:58

Also, say we buy into this 'your pronouns define your gender identity rather than your factual sex' business. What the hell are the pronouns for the other 72 genders there are supposed to be?

In for a penny . . .

Catsmere · 23/09/2024 22:58

In the unlikely event I was asked, it would be a way to select myself out of working at a TRA bullshit infested place. I'd be sorely tempted to say "None. How can someone who doesn't legally exist in this country have pronouns?"

Viewfrommyhouse · 23/09/2024 22:55

Barleysugar86 · 23/09/2024 18:39

OP said she is 'clearly female' so yes I'd say she identifies that way. I am a female, I identify as female, I'm never upset at confirming I would like to be called a female, even if the question feels a bit redundant.

It's a job interview, if it's important to you to say your piece have at it, but we both know they won't hire you afterwards because they will worry you would be problematic with their workforce and it will seem like you are out of touch with social norms/ expectations.

I left my last job because my boss was a narcissistic bullying tyrant, but when they ask me at interview I'll smile sweetly and say I was interested in new opportunities because that is the social script for an interview question.

I don't 'identify' as female. I simply AM female. Your sex is a biological fact, not an 'identity'.

bathofbeans · 23/09/2024 22:54

ElleWoods15 · 23/09/2024 21:47

… is your opinion- as you indicate by using the phrase ‘I believe’. So the word ‘factually’ is a little redundant there!

The word 'factually' is not redundant at all. My use of the word 'belief' for what i may presume some feels in their head proves that it's all just belief and none of it is fact. Therefore the teachers can only 'claim to be' non-binary. They are not simply 'non-binary' as you previously stated. It is a claim, it is an unfounded belief.

Sex is binary, this is a scientific fact. It is not a belief or a theory.
There is no such thing in humans as non-binary sex. Fact.

PriOn1 · 23/09/2024 22:09

If you still want the job after they’ve asked for your pronouns, answer “they/them”.

They’re obviously woke virtue signalers, so being they/them will increase your chances of getting the job enormously.

You can then practice being “that” employee. The one they all dance around and treat with kid gloves, lest they offend you.

samarrange · 23/09/2024 22:08

gretathegremlin · 23/09/2024 18:22

At my place of work you can add your pronouns to your email signature if you wish (a few people have) but it's not compulsory. I have not added mine and nobody has ever asked me for them.

I was more bothered by the policy of stopping "Dear Sir/Madam" as "Dear (Company)" just doesn't flow. I actively need to do that, whereas pronouns are just sitting there.

Ironically, I find having "he/him" or "she/her" quite useful when I receive an e-mail from someone who has an unusual name, or a both-sexes name, or a foreign name, particularly Turkish where there seems to be no cue from the spelling (to an English speaker) as to whether it's male or female.

Maybe I shouldn't care what sex someone is, but I'm curious by nature, and people don't seem to put "(Mrs)" or "(Ms)" after their name much any more. I don't think men ever put "(Mr")", because by default someone sending you a business communication was a man.

(Of course I could probably just paste their name into LinkedIn!)

Talkinpeace · 23/09/2024 22:07

"It varies - which way is the wind blowing today" and smile sweetly

inkymoose · 23/09/2024 22:05

FlirtsWithRhinos · 23/09/2024 21:08

The name thing is interesting isn't it.

People say "oh it's just like your name" but it isn't really, is it? Most people don't chose their name. At most they might chose the variation.

It's more like saying "what name do you think best describes you?".

And someone replying "Oh I think I'm a Mary, I'm definitely a Mary sort of a person".

And then getting all annoyed that the other person in the office called Mary doesn't particularly appreciate being lumped in as "a Mary sort of a person" at all.

And then insisting that you get to use the other Mary's mug because it says Mary on it.

That's really funny! Thank you, I enjoyed that analogy.

TealTraybake · 23/09/2024 21:58

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/09/2024 20:51

Dare you to answer "Gemini", OP.

😂😂 that’s good

DoloresHargreeves · 23/09/2024 21:54

YesterdaysFuture · 23/09/2024 20:41

It's like someone asking you what your star-sign is. It's just a polite thing to answer and then you tacitly agree to the whole ideology.

https://www.realityslaststand.com/p/when-asked-what-are-your-pronouns

I don't believe in astrology, but I know what my star sign is. When someone asks me, I tell them what it is.

ElleWoods15 · 23/09/2024 21:47

bathofbeans · 23/09/2024 21:09

They are claiming it as they are not non-binary as a matter of fact.
Non-binary is a made up idea about how people might 'feel' male or female, or neither, or both at the same time. It's not even scientific theory, let alone scientific fact.

So, factually, you simply can't feel neither male or female, or both at the same time unless (I believe) you are seriously allowing mysogynistic stereotyping to dictate your material and behavioural preferences as being either 'male' or 'female'.

… is your opinion- as you indicate by using the phrase ‘I believe’. So the word ‘factually’ is a little redundant there!

DoloresHargreeves · 23/09/2024 21:42

Skyellaskerry · 23/09/2024 21:06

By the same token, if it’s standard, isn’t it weird to ask.

Depends on the industry. I would never ask someone else as I think it's rude, but in industries with lots of people who identify in non-standard ways its not outside the norm to state your pronouns when introducing yourself.

If someone does ask me, I say She and Her. I don't have trouble identifying women, so I don't have trouble with using female pronouns for myself.

Freshersfluforyou · 23/09/2024 21:36

'My name is X im happy to be called that'

holiverterwist · 23/09/2024 21:24

I think I might look awkwardly down at my feet and say 'I'm not in a place where I'm ready to answer that question definitively yet" - but only if I really didn't want the job!

bathofbeans · 23/09/2024 21:24

Anotheremptynester · 23/09/2024 21:23

another suggestion..."will it make any difference to my pay?"

😄

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/09/2024 21:24

This would be perfect Grin

Anotheremptynester · 23/09/2024 21:23

another suggestion..."will it make any difference to my pay?"

EasternStandard · 23/09/2024 21:19

I think I would do as others have and say I'm female

It doesn't really play along but also doesn't kick you into a corner where it becomes a thing

I mean it hasn't happened so it's hard to know, and I do not accept gender ideology but yeh I'd probably go with I'm female

FlirtsWithRhinos · 23/09/2024 21:16

bathofbeans · 23/09/2024 21:09

They are claiming it as they are not non-binary as a matter of fact.
Non-binary is a made up idea about how people might 'feel' male or female, or neither, or both at the same time. It's not even scientific theory, let alone scientific fact.

So, factually, you simply can't feel neither male or female, or both at the same time unless (I believe) you are seriously allowing mysogynistic stereotyping to dictate your material and behavioural preferences as being either 'male' or 'female'.

Honestly I'm far more ok with someone saying "I don't want to be referred to by my sex" than I am someone saying "I want to be accepted as the opposite sex".

If non-binary didn;t come with a side helping of gender identity ideology and a garnish of female erasure I'd go there myself. But as it is, it's a prop of a sexist belief system and it contributes to the cultural lack of visibility of female people, so no thank you.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 23/09/2024 21:13

They are claiming it as they are not non-binary as a matter of fact.
Non-binary is a made up idea about how people might 'feel' male or female, or neither, or both at the same time. It's not even scientific theory, let alone scientific fact.

Exactly. "Non binary" is a nonsense. Every single person who has ever walked the earth is "non binary" because no one embodies all the stereotypes about their sex and none of the ones of the opposite sex. Women saying no to men is "non binary".

PunnyDog · 23/09/2024 21:12

If you're anything like me (a middle aged woman) you'll find that no one will have any issues assuming your pronouns, even the exotic pronoun-havers know just by looking at me I'm a she/her. Not sure how but it's like clockwork.

bathofbeans · 23/09/2024 21:09

ElleWoods15 · 23/09/2024 19:56

My DC has teachers are (not ‘claim to be’) non binary, and use Mx. It’s super simple. Primary school kids don’t seem to have an issue pronouncing it.

They are claiming it as they are not non-binary as a matter of fact.
Non-binary is a made up idea about how people might 'feel' male or female, or neither, or both at the same time. It's not even scientific theory, let alone scientific fact.

So, factually, you simply can't feel neither male or female, or both at the same time unless (I believe) you are seriously allowing mysogynistic stereotyping to dictate your material and behavioural preferences as being either 'male' or 'female'.