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Original poster

Not sure if I have said something wrong or not

57 replies

Motnight · 17/09/2024 15:59

It was a team away day in person last week. We all had to stand up and introduce ourselves. I was about the 10th person to. The person before me stated their preferred pronouns.

I deliberately didn't state my pronouns. My director then interjected and said "you've forgotten your pronouns". I replied that whilst I totally respected other people's preferences regarding pronouns I felt no need to state mine. I then passed the microphone onto the next person. She stated her pronouns, but about half of the rest of the delegates didn't.

I came into work yesterday and my director (a man) came up to me said hi and then said that I was obviously a strong character who didn't mind making her thoughts known. I just smiled and nodded and he wandered off. A fellow female colleague and I today have been chatting about the away day and she mentioned that she was really uncomfortable with the overt trans phobia during the day. I didn't respond to that (I didn't witness any trans phobia at all) but am wondering if the comment was aimed at me, or if I am being too sensitive.

I have obviously got people's attention by what I said. I don't regret it, but I do wonder if I am going to be given some sort of label.

OP posts:
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RaspberryParade · 17/09/2024 16:32

Remember, you werent the only one.Their passive aggressive tactics are repellent.
You could always say politely but pointedly, "is that directed specifically at me?" or "I didnt see any transphobia, but remember lots of people dont believe in this belief system as is their human right'

stressing its a belief system and your right not to partcipate.

Id also be talking to the others who didnt comply, because they will try and isolate you as if you are the only one.

Remember Forstater and read Jo Phoenixs summary she has just put out
"Don’t Get Caught Out
A Summary of Gender Critical Belief
Discrimination Employment
Tribunal Judgments"
Please share this widely.
https://centaur.reading.ac.uk/118472/2/Dont%20Get%20Caught%20Out%20final.pdf

lechiffre55 · 17/09/2024 16:27

What you said sounds fine.
You said it openly and honestly to the whole group.
If the trans phobia comment was directed at you it was a snide dig.
I would always choose to be in the company of a person who is open and honest over someone who was snide and backstabby.
Be proud of your honesty :)

MrsOvertonsWindow · 17/09/2024 16:20

You said nothing wrong and of course it's not transphobic to refuse to say your pronouns. But as Lovelyview suggests, keep notes of the comments that have been made to you just in case.
Hopefully you'll be an effective professional member of staff and that's what will be noticed (along with being quietly thanked by so many others seeking to avoid these levels of compelled speech). But as we see regularly, enforcing all this nonsense attracts the bullies in the workplace so be careful. Flowers

HaddyAbrams · 17/09/2024 16:16

Ugh.
I was meant to be part of a group for some reaearch. For the first meeting we were asked to introduce ourselves using any of the protected charactistics that we felt applied to us. One person mentioned being NB and using they/them for "gender ID". Every single other person referred to themselves as "cis". And then said their preferred pronouns, which were what you'd expect for their sex.
I didn't mention gender as

  1. I don't believe in it.
  2. AFAIK gender ID isn't a PC anyway. Sex is.
I did, however, mention the PCs that are, IMO, relevant to my life.

Someone else mentioned that i hadn't told them my gender/pronouns. I later received an email saying I wasn't a good fit for the group!

Lovelyview · 17/09/2024 16:11

I'm so glad I don't work for one of these organisations. That woman does sound like she's having a dig at you. All I can say is well done and that gender critical beliefs are protected in law. Your director was completely out of order telling you you had to state your pronouns. You empowered other people to refrain from stating their pronouns too. I hope you don't get labelled but keep a note of times and dates (including the away day and your co-workers comment) should you need to refer to your notes at any point. It might also be worth joining the Free Speech Union.

Alwaystired94 · 17/09/2024 16:11

Motnight · 17/09/2024 15:59

It was a team away day in person last week. We all had to stand up and introduce ourselves. I was about the 10th person to. The person before me stated their preferred pronouns.

I deliberately didn't state my pronouns. My director then interjected and said "you've forgotten your pronouns". I replied that whilst I totally respected other people's preferences regarding pronouns I felt no need to state mine. I then passed the microphone onto the next person. She stated her pronouns, but about half of the rest of the delegates didn't.

I came into work yesterday and my director (a man) came up to me said hi and then said that I was obviously a strong character who didn't mind making her thoughts known. I just smiled and nodded and he wandered off. A fellow female colleague and I today have been chatting about the away day and she mentioned that she was really uncomfortable with the overt trans phobia during the day. I didn't respond to that (I didn't witness any trans phobia at all) but am wondering if the comment was aimed at me, or if I am being too sensitive.

I have obviously got people's attention by what I said. I don't regret it, but I do wonder if I am going to be given some sort of label.

i'd hope that people wouldn't call someone not stating their own pronouns transphobic. but obviously there are stupid people everywhere.

TealTraybake · 17/09/2024 16:05

You were of course absolutely right to say (or not say) what you did. Well done.

And yes sadly I’m sure the ‘transphobia’ comments are about anyone who didn’t state their pronouns 🤢

Pathetic and wrong. Hopefully it’ll pass (but only if nobody speaks about it again) 🙄