What's more important...

@wrongthinker "I'm not a racist."

Could you clarify where I called you a racist?

They sew seeds of doubt about you with others and they also make it clear that they will consider any continued association with you as a problem for them.

Divide & Conquer tactic. They’re trying to isolate you as you are ‘the enemy’, and leave you without a support system, which in turn makes it harder for you to defend yourself against what is being spread about you. They know what they are doing. It’s toxic and manipulative.

So sorry you're going through this @wrongthinker. I tend to be cautious in conversations, outright terfy with others who are sane or getting there, with TRA adjacent and TRAs I just try to say a little thing that might plant a small seed of doubt. Water on a stone. I hope one day we will all be full on terfs (ok being naive but I can dream).

@wrongthinker " not a racist."

I didn't say you were, did I?

They have chosen ‘looking good to others’ over your friendship. They are either weak to peer pressure, selfish, or both. I understand you must feel incredibly rejected, especially by people who do know you better but have chosen to shun you anyways, because it benefits them to do so. I’m sure they’re not ‘bad people’, but the current climate is such that trans people are seen as the most downtrodden, most marginalised group, and going against that is social suicide in the majority of situations. And not just social, economic as well. This idea is being taught in inclusiveness trainings at work places across the UK. I’ve seen this firsthand from a major company, they won’t be the only ones doing this.

I'm imagining what it would have been like if my sister had gone the opposite way on this to me - and the answer is, I would have done almost anything to retain a relationship with her, she's vital to me.

However, I don't write for a living. And I know that if I had had a gender-questioning child, she would have wanted to support us both.

As an exercise, could you write something about a fictional character who is converted - who is a terf (I have started labelling myself as a terf rather than GC these days) and who comes round to a different view? Or a dialogue between a fictional version of you and a fictional version of your friends? I don't know what that would look like, though I can see some of the starting points? I think for me that would be a painful exercise in itself - just last week I came across the mind map I made when I first encountered this issue at work about a decade ago, and it is full of so much pain. But it would be a way of trying to truly understand where they are, where a lot of people are. Value yourself enough to think that it has also been painful for them to distance themselves.

I could've written this. This is my experience also

That’s tough. Don’t have any suggestions as I can’t imagine doing what they are doing to a long standing friend.

Frankly-I keep my mouth shut because otherwise I would lose my children. I would have cut off my parents if they had been racist-and my children feel the same. So I shut up.

Have you been able to have a proper conversation with the two individuals you were closest two? It sounds like it’s worth trying to repair these relationships - but agree with others that if they are expecting you to change who you are then they are probably no longer real friends.

My answer, OP, is that I am continuing to tell my truth, because that matters to me. My situation is a little different. I had gone many years being open with family and on the internet, but without it ever impinging on my work colleagues or friends.

Then something changed in a close family member’s life. Initially she banned me from speaking on the topic and now she has told me I’m hateful and has shut me out of her life.

But I have been speaking out for years and being able to do so is incredibly important to me. There have been many attempts to silence me over thee years, including at least one threat to attempt to ruin my career. So painful though it is, I am not going to stop.

I am honestly bewildered that my relative can believe me to be hateful. I have shown nothing but love to her over the years and never once did anything to hurt anyone she loves, but she has convinced herself that I am untrustworthy and cruel.

There is no evidence and I can only think the cognitive dissonance is the real source of her anger, but it’s incredibly sad. The one thing that’s keeping me going is my clear conscience and I have concluded that matters more to me, even than family. I can’t lie for her or to her and she has to take her own pathway.

there are writers who will go through your follows and fb friends and call you out if you're friends with the wrong people.

These people are fuckwits, the absolute pits.

Ditch shit people. Better to be alone for a bit than have shit friends. It's pretty likely you will meet other people who are brave, honest, sensible, thoughtful, kind and interesting.

That's a good point, thank you

I'm not sure what it is about #the issue# that means people will blow up their friendships, it's baffling.

It makes some sense when you realise that no-one actually believes what they're told to believe. But they're told they're an awful person if they don't believe it.

So it's hard for them to listen to people who say openly they don't believe because it makes them face up to the fact that they don't either.

If that's what they think then you're best off without them, they sound like they're severely limited in their critical thinking skills and appear very childish to me.

It's fear, fear of standing out, fear of being different, fear of being seen as other.
It's the reason I stay mostly quiet at work. I know, have known for many years, that I have a work personsa, and then the real me. When my workplace say it's ok to be yourself at work, that this makes for happy and productive employees, I'm laughing at them inside. What they mean is, be yourself as long as that's something they think it's acceptable. The real me is very much NSFW.
I'm careful with friends, I have a very small circle, and it's taken me quite some time to gently broach the subject with some of them. No rejections so far, but I'm braced for it at some point.
I've long recognised that sometimes you have to let people do them. Maybe they will find their way back to you, sometimes people need to do a little thinking and reflection before they figure out how they feel isn't what they are being told they should think and feel and it takes time to get past the fear. Old friends may not last the course and I grieve each time, but I accept that it's going to happen.
I think you have it harder as a writer as your job means you are putting yourself out there and your persona of far less private than mine. It's going to bring you into conflict and you're not going to be able to choose the time and place.
Ultimately, I like me, I like how I think. If you like you, if you are proud of you, then that would be damaged if you compromise. You do you. I wouldn't want friends who weren't proud of me and who didn't support me, and who can't cope with a difference of opinion or belief and still be a good friend.