My point is that everyone wants to be nice. They want to accept without question. The problem is that it's a situation where it's not necessarily being nice to uphold a lie. It can do more harm in the long run to both parties. Ultimately you can't change sex and this matters.
It matters because people retain behaviours and experiences and expectations. It matters because of physical strength and abilities. It matters because of trauma and dignity.
Is it kind or respectful of a male to walk into a female changing room with women who have religious sensitivities or may have a history of sexual abuse or being stalked and then undress in that room having never had surgery which is the case for most transwomen?
Is it kind or respectful of a male to demand he be included in women's sport, especially if that comes with an educational scholarship and at the expense of a woman who can't compete with his physicality. Especially if the sport is a contact sport and may put the women he is competing against at greater risk.
There is ultimately a point in this journey where you realise that your generousity of spirit is a one way thing and that what you are actually doing is an act of self harm which is demanded by emotional manipulation. It isnt acknowledged as this.
This is where we see the power dynamics and the socialisation of women in particular at play, in terms of being used to deferring to make demands. It's where we see issues of class emerging and high status men and women betraying and abusing lower status women in the name of inclusivity because they are protected from a particular issue and have no empathy or understanding of the lives of those outside their social bubble.
It's a journey we all go on. Never at any point does any one who go on it, become a nasty person. It's just that their empathy and understanding of who is the most vulnerable and most in need of protection shifts and they realise they've been misled and misunderstood the dynamics.
No one wants to harm anyone. This is about understanding the balance of issues and who they effect and how. And where things have been exaggerated and manipulated for material gains despite the evidence (or indeed evidence is actively suppressed in order to manipulate).
We have data that shows that cross dressing forms a pattern in serious sexual offenders. We have data that trans identifying prisoners have rates of sexually related offences higher than the general male prison population. Yet we are not permitted to talk about this because this offends law abiding trans people. Unfortunately we have to in the same way that we have to acknowledge that Islamic terrorists statistically tend to come from certain backgrounds and that ultra right wing domestic terrorism follows certain patterns too.
We understand that people who fall into those categories are law abiding citizens in the majority of cases, but we must be aware of these patterns in how we function as a society without persecuting at the same time. It's not an easy task and yes, it is problematic but it's about balancing issues and harms.
We also have to acknowledge in law that voyeurism is acknowledged as a crime and has certain patterns of offense where males take advantage of soft areas and exploit them. These are trans people. They are criminals who will go to lengths to commit their crimes. We have to offer protections that recognise this. A failure to acknowledge this is an issue and to pretend that there's no risk to self I'd is not kind. It is a wholesale dereliction of duty by those in positions of authority.
Anyone who is trans and is kind needs to understand that their need for validation can not and should not put others at risk. They are deserving of protections but this shouldn't come at a cost of harm to others. Because this is not kind.
I think there's a point where so many people who go on the journey from being totally accepting without question, feel this incredible guilt from asking questions and feel almost dirty from doing so. Because of the social pressure to 'do the right thing'. Ultimately the right thing is to not act on emotion but to seek out information dispassionately and acknowledge where there are issues which perhaps are inconvenient and don't fit the narrative. Because this is recognition of how the real world works in practice and not a naive idealistic version of what we should be doing if everyone was nice and the world was perfect. We don't live in a perfect world.