Close friends falling victim to the 'girl mum' 'boy mum' camp

Almost worthy of a Greek tragedy.

Yeah I just have one boy and have already had several comments of "oh that's alright you might have your girl next time"
Horrible horrible attitude to have whatever way it goes, putting so much pressure on little babies to be a certain way before they're even born.
I love my son more than I imagined I could love anything ever and I would have felt the same if he had been a girl. I love him for the person he is and that he is becoming not for his chromosomes.

I dont recognise this either- I have two boys and got lots of sympathetic looks when I had my second and people telling me "oh never mind, you can try for a girl next time" etc. So rude.

I also dont really understand why people seem to think they are destined to have one or the other- its 50/50 random chance that you'll get either and its not something you can control anyway so its a bit pointless/ignorant to berate/judge someone for the gender of their child when its out of their control anyway!

my friend with the boys got up, pushed her chair out and said I don't want to ever say your face again. Stay away from my sons and I hope you and your girls live a happy little life in girl hell and good luck to your husband".

Damn, were you writing this down or something? I wish I had friends this dramatic.

A fee minths have passed since I visited an old friend after the birth of her fourth daughter. I have two daughters of similar age to her eldest two. Another friend joined us for coffee and she is the mother of two boys. I don't know how the conversation got out of control but it turned nasty and I feel horrible and shameful, especially since it had happened a while ago and there has been radio silence.

My friend with the four daughters commented on how well her baby is doing and was up front in mentioning how some of her inlaws and husbands friends have made silly remarks about her husband being lonely in a house full of women, poor Daddy comments etc the usual guff. My friend laughed it off and said she always laughs at it and then remarked on how she was delighted to have her fourth girl and that she was sorry for stating the obvious. Then said "there's a reason I'm not a mum of boys, I don't think I'm suited to it or cut out for it and Mother Nature knows I wouldn't make a good mum of a son". My friend, who was feeding her baby boy, looked at her said "what's the difference, then?" And this is where it got heated. A lot of back and forth about how violent men can be, how the "good men" are hailed as "extra-special", the number of ex partners and and ex husbands who have abused, attacked and murdered women, global male violence; relational aggression in teenage girls, hormones, sexist beliefs, internalised misogyny, boy mums etc my friend said she didn't think girls were saints or that she had it all worked out on how to raise her girls, she just started crying about how she thinks women and girls are treated as victims. She then said the knky reason she would have wanted a son was to appease her inlaws her kept going on about wanting a grandson. Then after all thr back and forth, my friend with the boys got up, pushed her chair out and said I don't want to ever say your face again. Stay away from my sons and I hope you and your girls live a happy little life in girl hell and good luck to your husband". I feel horrible and guilty because I didn't say anything or do anything, I was a passive participant and feel like two friends are now lost due to categorising themselves as 'girl mums' or 'boy mums'. Anyone have any advice - should I reach out or leave things and see if I hear anything? It's been over two months and I would like to see both of them again and make amends.

Let them grow up?

Seriously. It's pathetic. The whole thing. I'd want shot of both of them.

My sister once commented in a thoughtful way that when you think about it unborn babies are the perfect parasites. Its technically true, but you have to be careful of your audience.

I once joked about how if you're a mum of girls, you worry they might get raped and muns of boys worry they might be rapists!!! It did not go down well!!! My friend with boys did not appreciate the suggestion that boys might go bad as adults.

I have never joked about this sort of stuff again!

Is there a cultural element to this? I don't really recognise the preference for sons that you have mentioned, and I don't really think this is a thing any more except in certain communities. And I know that parents of multiple boys tend to get similar comments about mum being outnumbered etc.

It all sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama to me in any case, so probably better to distance yourself from these people in any case, and find some nicer friends!

Do you think she took out her defensiveness/frustrations on the wrong person? It sounds likes she was getting flack for having only girls, so has been stewing over all the reasons that girls are good. And then unleashed that on your other friend who understandably reacted poorly.
I have seen it happen before where, e.g. stay at home mums feel judged for not working and then start talking about all the reasons it is better for their child that they are home with them. Which then offends the working mum's who responds and it gets toxic very quickly.

I am not sure if there is much you can do though...

If one of my friends sat and reeled off a list of all the ways my 2 year old son was going to grow up to be a violent, misogynist threat to women I would probably tell her where to shove it as well.

Quite. Almost asked, a few hours ago. It's not extremist to speak clearly about male violence. Unless worded in generalities, such a convo with a parent of boys is unlikely to go well, though.

If one of my friends sat and reeled off a list of all the ways my 2 year old son was going to grow up to be a violent, misogynist threat to women I would probably tell her where to shove it as well.

Has this thread been moved here from elsewhere? Why?