An alarming rise in #TradWife and #PrincessTreatment aspirations?

That "surrendering" business is very American.

Do you recall that fairly recent fashion for long floral dresses? There were absolutely everywhere. I called them 'Little House on the Prairie' dresses because to me it seemed to be a fashion for women which harked back to more traditional roles and presentations.

It seems inevitable that some women will nurture dreams about what it might be like to stay home and create a home and garden, maybe working P/T. And for many women, if they are in a position to be able to consider that, it can be very rewarding to be around in the children's early years for all of the little milestones.

Thank you.

I agree that the mental health of kids would be better if they had more time at home, where everything isn't rushed or chaotic/messy which often comes when parents are working full time.

You look at tradwives and they are seemingly achieving that, I can see the appeal and I actually watch a couple of them sometimes as a guilty pleasure. But the surrendering to husband aspect is a no, this could be utterly abused by the wrong kind of man.

TradWife and Princess Life are very social media driven concepts in my opinion, they don't equate to typical SAHM lifestyle and living on one income.

It's all very polished and stylised middle/upper class 1950s aesthetic. Or harking back to some 'better' 19th/early 20th century era.

Wearing vintage inspired aprons and fashions at all times. Hair styled in rollers or curling irons. It's supposed to be 'simple' and wholesome but it's actually artificial and contrived. Rosy cheeked children who are homeschooled by mom (who seemingly has time for everything and is a talented educator for all ages, simultaneously). Living off 'the land', having chickens and if possible livestock (maximum TradWife envy points). Most of the ones I've encountered online are American fundamentalists and live rurally or semi rurally. The ones who live in the suburbs aspire to owning 'land' away from the general populace. I'm sure there's a city apartment living version, maybe more left-leaning politically. I can think of one family who live in Harlem and basically use their musically talented children for income (social media and busking).

It's not wearing normal clothes and raising your children in a fairly average, understated way as a SAHM. Being submissive to the patriarchy is a core belief.

The influencers I refer to actually receive quite a lot of premium women's and children's fashion and homewares free of charge and don't declare them as ads. Predictably their comments section is full of 'I love your X, where did you get it?!' which is great for engagement and looking like you really have it together (the reality is they haven't had to work as hard to curate their 'look' as brands are sending them items free of charge). It's all designed to look effortless.

Yes, sorry! I get very defensive :).
I have SAHM friends who feel judged for not working. And working mum friends who feel the most judged for not being home with their kids. But because being a good mother is important its really easy to get defensive.
Teenage mental health is complicated - some of its down to attention received as babies/in their early years as you suggest. But a lot of it is linked to the time their parents spend on devices versus interacting with them, the time they spend on devices etc. And most mental health professionals working with teens are women so...

I believe they are mostly for views and with that for money.
People put all kind of content out there, to make money.

I mean if these women were so ’traditional’ or ’submitted’ to their husbands, they wouldn’t be / have time to be on social media, making and having money.

I hope younger women have media literace and understand it’s mostly likely bs / for show / to make money, and not their real lives.

I agree, and I didn't mean to come across as snippy, I just think it's obvious.
I strongly believe every woman should do what she wants to do.
But I do think SAHM are looked down on.
And you're right, everyone gets defensive on these threads and we end up in our bunkers

As someone who went back to work sooner than they wanted, and is quite happy now working full time, its incredibly obvious that the school/wider community would suffer terribly if all the SAHMs disappeared. Usually a lot of the "extra" bits of schooling are provided by parents > with SAHMs being the most active, followed by WOHMs, followed by dads.
But equally - if all the women stayed home while their children grew up you would struggle to find a female doctor, or enough teachers/nurses, or paediatricians etc. Or, alternatively women just wouldn't have children.

A healthy society needs different people making different choices - it shouldn't be a competition. But your somewhat snippy point about mental health at the end shows that you also think parents that work are second class. So you are just as judgemental as the parents you complain about. But its impossible to discuss these issues without it turning into a bin fight because everyone gets defensive and goes on the attack.

Sorry not sure why naive audience has highlighted, didn't mean to and too late to edit!

Oh yes, I hear you.
I believe there are 2 narratives, the princess and the one where, to be validated, you have to go out to work.
Tbh, I'm not conscious of the princess one at all. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, just I never come across it.
I can see that it is problematic.
But, as someone who was a SAHM, I am sick to the back teeth of there being an assumption that my choice was a 2nd class one.
And I believe that there wouldn't be so many mental health with adolescents if there were more sahm or sahd.

Yes, but usually people aren't in a fabulous massive house with a modern-rustic farmhouse style kitchen blah blah while their fabulously paid banker husband still comes home at 6 every evening to a beautifully prepared meal either. Usually when both parents work, its because it makes sense for their family, and their lives/careers aren't that glamorous. When one parent stays home, its because it makes sense for their family and their lives/careers arent that glamorous. The trad-wives/princess trend sets up a false dichotomy between a working life of drudgery and stress versus a life of staying home being pampered like a princess. Real life isn't like that.

The other issue is that part of the argument given for trad wife values is that women's role as mothers should be respected (I agree) women shouldn't want to work outside the home as being a mother is the most important job. But some of the same commentators arguing this will be spitting feathers at the thought of a woman getting 50% in the (unfortunate) event they divorce. The same men in particular complaining that women are tricked into favouring careers over motherhood are often the same men complaining about "divorce rape". Clearly they don't really see the role of mother as equal to that of wage earner

Most influencer lifestyles are I would hazard not 100% genuine...
They might be trad-wives for the feed but that's not necessarily going to be how they actually live.
It's not aspirational for most women and it's not the narrative of female empowerment. I'd agree it's an odd choice but it's a choice they're free to make. I suspect that the princess types are the kind of women that some men want and yet also despise.

Didn't Jordan Peterson point out that the more egalitarian a culture becomes, the more men and women push towards traditional gender roles? The opposite is true also.

Is this a bit of a rebellion against TV/ film portrayals of women being kickass, pansexual girl bosses?

That's my take. I'm a SAHM, I agree with pp that the tradwife slant is worrying as that implies surrender to husband.

IMO there's a lot of people assuming that women are forgoing great careers by staying at home. The truth is that most women , and men, have boring, ill paid jobs.

It's a reaction (IMO) to people looking down on SAHM. It's a shame everyone is busy trying to justify their own decisions by looking down on others. You see it on here all the time. People who say:

"Being with my children all day is so boring, I need to work for my brain." (Implication: only stupid people are happy as SAHP.)

"What will she do when her husband leaves her?" (Implication: no man will support a SAHM, she's a financially vulnerable fool.)

"Children need to socialise in nursery." (Implication: SAHP give their children an inferior upbringing.)

And frequently SAHP are referred to as lazy and not contributing.

What we need to do is understand that different people need different things and find different roles fulfilling. And also normalise SAHDs, and a model of two PT working parents (this is what we do and it's not perfect but it is very good) and stop punishing certain types of set ups in the tax system, and maybe reform divorce arrangements (though this is probably more controversial and harder to do without creating different unfairnesses.)

I can understand why young women would want that. I don’t think it’s the right answer, but I also think the movement that set the main aspiration for women being the ability to have a career while outsourcing child care was helpful.

The model for a marriage where one partner worked and the other raised the children was (in my opinion) better. Working towards it being equally acceptable for the man to stay at home, or for both to work part time would have been a better model to aim for.

My generation (mid fifties) is filled with women who tried to do it all, got pissed off because they ended up doing all the work, burned out and then divorced.

Maybe I sound bitter because I don’t even have a good pension after my divorce as I prioritized nursery and child care over pension and am now facing working into old age on my own, but my mum had it way better than I have done.

I’ll be honest, I’d much prefer to not go to work. Sadly, DH and I met too late to have children….and I’m shit at housework 🤣. I would love the option of part time or not working at all though.

Its not choosing to be a SAHM. SAHMs are already a thing. Trad-wife is either a horrific sacrificing of your autonomy to your husband OR a really annoying social media trend where you make one thing you do your entire personality that you then try to monetise online. SAHMs are fine.

not forced to seek employment

Blimey, hello poster the 1950's want you back!!

Do you know the only SAHM mothers I've ever known are the ones on here. In real life I don't know any. So I'm not sure where you're getting your figures from!

Mental!

I agree- it disgusts me and I'm not usually a judgey person. Having said that, as someone who is so up against everything right now financially, I really can see the appeal... maybe these girls/women have grown up seeing their mums hustle and don't want that for themselves? I've seen a lot of Arab trad (slave) wife videos online but Arab women have always loved being pampered- it's part of their culture (and they are the ones that really rule at home- the man is just a means to an end- to provide. Nothing less, nothing more).

I'm glad that women are choosing to be SAHM. Why should that choice be removed? When women become mothers, the majority want to be mothers and not be forced to seek employment.
Women need choices and freedom.

Its the American influence plain and simple. They are becoming ever more unhinged and they have polarised into ludicrous stereotypes.
Stereotypes that we have fought 60 years and more to overcome.

On the Left, womanhood is defined as a 'feeling' that anyone can have and men can usurp for their own ends, and on the Right a biological prison manned by misogynists.
The American influence on our culture has got substanially worse since Brexit, although its been there for decades. And the stereotypes and misogyny are being amplified 1000 times by the American driven porn industry.
If America was an individual they would be sectioned so sick has it become. They are not a culture we should be emulating.

Think it’s complicated, many women with careers do end up doing it all anyway. I never wanted kids (did end up doing it in the end) but some women really do and have an idealised vision of what that looks like. I sometimes think it’s modern life as well, everyone seems to have so much on their plate, maybe it seems like a rational choice in the face of too much choice. Fuck knows, I’d raise my eyebrows if DD declared she would be becoming a trad wife or a princess.

I read the article on being a princess:

'If you know you're going to a nice steakhouse, you should already know what temperature you like your steak cooked. For example, a 6oz filet cooked medium.'

Well, that's a massive princess fail right there because they don't cook the steak at different temperatures, they cook it for different lengths of time. No second date with Mr millionaire for a girl who doesn't know that!