Smear appointment reminder with a Mx

I don’t think I’d heard of Ms when I watched Dallas, so it wasn’t ambiguous for me.

I did wonder why the mother of the family was referred to as Miss, though.

You're probably right (it was a while ago) but it's the way they say it. I was far too lazy to Google it before I posted!

I always thought it was Miss Ellie, and the first 5 Google references when I searched for TV Dallas Cast all come up with Miss Ellie too?

My family GP was an all-female practice, unusual for the 1960s; and all my gynae medicine and contraception were provided by female nurses and doctors from what I remember. "Women's clinics" staffed by women were becoming more commonplace from the 1980s onwards.

Having said that, it's clear from what the OP has said that her nurse did not intend to conceal anything. But "being unaware of how it might be read" is part of the problem. Management should not be telling nurses to pick and choose their pronouns. They should be telling nurses about informed consent and the right (and for some patients, the need) to know the sex of the person offering to care for them.

In one case I think the user was probably a man in course of transition.

If you had asked would you have been told? Or was it a situation where it didn't matter, not like intimate care?

The worker at Edinburgh Rape Crisis identified as "non-binary" and was determined that no-one should be told her sex. This was encouraged by the CEO (a transwoman) for their own reasons. My own prism is that at some time since the 1980s feminists took our eye off the ball and this is the result. Mx is not a harmless neutral choice, it normalises people refusing to say what sex they are.

Going back a bit, but I always think of Dallas, and Ms Elly. Sounds better in a Texas drawl. I think half the reason it hasn't really caught on here is that nobody knows how to pronounce it.

Ms is all womens original title and originates as a shortened term from Mistress ( not a man’s mistress that’s a more modern term for the other women, )

Just as Master is shortened to Mr.

Identifying women by marital status came after Ms

I tried to use it on a building society account in the 1980s & met some resistance until I said I'd just take my business somewhere it wasn't a problem - & suddenly it was acceptable!

I was genuinely not aware of that.

It seemed to be adopted more widely from the seventies/eighties and it was well into that period before it was accepted. I've recently re-watched episodes of Rumpole of the Bailey from 79/80 where the pupil's use of Ms was a running 'Ms Liz' gag. Colleagues well into the nineties thought any Ms was a lesbian.

My partner started using it around that time and fought some battles to get schools to use it on staff lists/badges etc.

Ms has been around since the 1700s.
I’d love to see some intel on people refusing / questioning care from someone titled Ms

You're right. I tried to offer a different perspective but realised it probably isn't needed here. And a shame that I can't delete the post. I certainly wasn't trying to invalidate anyone's experience.

Not posted in yonks.

Women have every right to ask for a biological woman especially in intimate situations. You don't know this poster's reasons and you shouldn't question her choice! She doesn't have to justify anything to anyone.

At the age of 10 through to 14, with no one willing to advocate for me, I was intimately examined whilst conscious by a 40+ year old male doctor due to a shitty illness I have. My notes show I was difficult!!!

Biological males will NEVER do this to me again. No woman should feel awkward or scared to ask for a female to undertake procedures.

WTF? Your experience is not other women's.

(You know editing doesn't delete what's originally posted.)

Ok…

...

@AmaryllisNightAndDay I'm of a generation where a person the title Doctor was 90% likely to be male and the sensitivity was dealt with by having a female chaperone present. I may therefore see the world through a different prism.

With that in mind I'm not sure that use of Mx is actually concealment. It wouldn't strike me that way, more a question of being unaware of how it might be read. I've seen it used maybe three or four times in the last ten years. In one case I think the user was probably a man in course of transition.

You are probably right. It is unprofessional for a staff member to conceal their sex when offering intimate care, but the OP has explained that Mx Keri's employer has given her poor guidance so it's not her fault. Her intentions we good.

I am touchy about this because of the Edinburgh Rape Crisis debacle, where (among other unprofessional behaviour) the CEO encouraged a counsellor to hide her sex from a worried client and bullied another staff member who was trying to find a diplomatic way to reassure and inform the client so the client could consent.

OP your sensitive approach is just right. Following up with a letter to the practice manager about their policy is a good idea.

Ms never created doubt about the sex of the person using it. It was purely about not advertising marital status. This Keri said to OP she didn't want people at work judging her about her sex, and doesn't seem to have realised the position she was putting patients in.

40 years ago people said that, or worse, about Ms.

Sounds like being bold wasn't what was needed OP - explaining how many many potential patients would process her choice of Mx was needed so hopefully you gave her something to think about and she may reconsider the impact her choice is making on the people she wants to help. Thank you for your service! (and here's to the smear coming back all fine, most importantly).

Yes well done on discussing it with her, that was brave and sounds like she didn’t realise and may now change it.

Well done, OP. Sounds like (maybe) she was trying to avoid the genderwoo but didn't realise her choice of title would have repercussions for patients.

Sarah Jane Baker is well known for being gentle. Kidnapping, torture and attempted murder is gentle, right?

🍪

@DisillusionedTech Since you’ve already mentioned them, I’d say that IW is a very good example of a trans identifying male who, despite doing everything that they can to become a woman, retains every last vestige of the male privilege that they enjoyed while living as a male and continues to believe that their male entitlement trumps womens’ very few, paltry little rights by some measure. IW seems to believe that not only is he a woman - he’s a vastly superior example of womanhood too!