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Original poster

Line managing someone who talks about "pregnant people" - how to gently tell her to use "woman"?

189 replies

LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:29

I am line managing someone on a project about pregnancy.

She keeps using the phrase "pregnant people" and it turns my stomach.

What I want to say is "Pull yourself together, get a fucking grip, and use the word woman". But I feel I need to be slightly more tactful than that. But I'm not sure what to actually say because its such a blindingly obvious thing to have to say.

I work in academia where things are fraught. I don't want this backfiring on me.

Please do you have any suggestions for how I can phrase "just fucking say woman, its not a dirty word" tactfully and without putting myself at risk? I may need to commit this phrase to writing as well so there may be a paper trail.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Peonies12 · 20/05/2024 17:01

I'm pregnant and I am very happy to be referred to as a 'pregnant person'. That's what I am. Really, pick your battles. I always say people, even if talking about pregnancy, likewise I'd always say parent rather than mother or father. All NHS stuff about pregnancy that I've seen refers to people, so she's being consistent with that.

Berga · 20/05/2024 16:59

If she isn't actively challenging your language but making her own choice of what language she wants to use, then I don't see the issue. If she was derailing every meeting to discuss why you should all use pregnant people, or insisting it's the term used in Comms or the paper, then that's different, but it doesn't seem as though she is from your description?

I work in HE. If I spent my time pursing correcting everyone who said something I didn't like or agree with, I'd have no time to do my actual job.

Worldgonecrazy · 20/05/2024 16:55

Maybe tell her she needs to be inclusive and use ‘pregnant women, women who identify as non- binary, women who identify as trans men, and women who identify as assorted animals…..’

AlisonDonut · 20/05/2024 16:51

LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:44

Yes, exactly, that's what I want to do. But I want to do it in a way where she doesn't come back immediately with accusations of TERF-ery.

There's not a 'client' as such. The work's funded by a research body.

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What is the phrase specifically in the funding approval documentation or the application that you submitted?

Original poster
LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:47

MILTOBE · 20/05/2024 16:44

God, who could have predicted that we wouldn't have been able to risk saying "pregnant woman" in case we lost our jobs?

Uh huh.

When I was a postgraduate student, I used to do teaching support on a course about workplace law. In a lecture about parental leave, the lecturer used to start the lecture by saying "Can we call agree that only women get pregnant and give birth?" as a funny, ridiculously obvious starting point.

He'd be handed his arse now.

Weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:44

JustPleachy · 20/05/2024 16:31

Depends what the project is about. Girls can also get pregnant. If women = adult human female, it may not be accurate in this particular instance.

I get you but "women and girls" would be the most appropriate in this situation.

And, we are actually looking at women in this case.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:44

CornishPorsche · 20/05/2024 16:32

Can you set some expectations for the project around appropriate language for the publication?

Who is the client for the work? Or is it for her own studies etc?

Yes, exactly, that's what I want to do. But I want to do it in a way where she doesn't come back immediately with accusations of TERF-ery.

There's not a 'client' as such. The work's funded by a research body.

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 20/05/2024 16:44

God, who could have predicted that we wouldn't have been able to risk saying "pregnant woman" in case we lost our jobs?

Original poster
LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:43

PineappleTime · 20/05/2024 16:33

Ok, women and girls then.

OP I think you should say 'using the term pregnant people can be really alienating towards a lot of women. Unless there is a specific reason to use people, it's more appropriate to use women/women and girls.'

Show quote history

That's perfect, thanks. Brilliant!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittlePrecious · 20/05/2024 16:42

Beatrixslobber · 20/05/2024 16:39

‘As we are discussing pregnancy we need to be absolutely clear that only women and girls are capable of being pregnant rather than people in general you absolute massive twat’

I agree with your sentiment totally. My concern is that she'll come back with "No, some people who identify as men or non-binary are capable of being pregnant too".

I know, I know....

OP posts:
Beatrixslobber · 20/05/2024 16:39

‘As we are discussing pregnancy we need to be absolutely clear that only women and girls are capable of being pregnant rather than people in general you absolute massive twat’

PineappleTime · 20/05/2024 16:33

JustPleachy · 20/05/2024 16:31

Depends what the project is about. Girls can also get pregnant. If women = adult human female, it may not be accurate in this particular instance.

Ok, women and girls then.

OP I think you should say 'using the term pregnant people can be really alienating towards a lot of women. Unless there is a specific reason to use people, it's more appropriate to use women/women and girls.'

CornishPorsche · 20/05/2024 16:32

Can you set some expectations for the project around appropriate language for the publication?

Who is the client for the work? Or is it for her own studies etc?

JustPleachy · 20/05/2024 16:31

Depends what the project is about. Girls can also get pregnant. If women = adult human female, it may not be accurate in this particular instance.