DD14 is regularly assumed to be trans/NB/a boy - any advice on how she can respond?

This is terrible advice.

Same here, I had super short hair for awhile as a teen. Didn't see it as a big deal and nobody else did either.

Mental when just being a women is so radical it confuses people 😭

I would tell her to embrace it. Just simply say ‘I’m a woman’. She might teach these poor youngsters a thing or two.

And if it expands. She can just say I don’t conform to gender stereotypes. If they say well does that mean you’re non binary. Say no I’m a woman and laugh. 🤣

It wasn't unusual when I was that age or, even more recently, when my DD was. No one ever mistook either of us for boys and DD was very "tomboyish" for want of a better word.
It's fucking gender nonsense that's causing this. Nothing else.

I think needs to practice her deadpan ‘I’m a girl of course’ or ‘why would you think that?’ Or ‘are girls not allowed to wear jeans/play football/skateboard?’

Teenagers often look androgynous, I looked like a boy at 16 and occasionally got asked if I was a boy or a girl.

Best thing is just to get her to say "I'm a girl" consistently if asked, not give her pronouns or dress up.

What a pain for her and depressing to have to, but all I can suggest is a casual 'I'm female thanks' and move on.

It was one of OP's comments

Oh - sorry - must have missed that.

That'd probably make it all the more likely someone thinks she's a 'transgirl'.

And of course, she absolutely shouldn't have to adopt any gender stereotypes. My dd is an engineer who wouldn't be seen dead 'pretty earrings and mascara' ... fortunately (i suppose) she's short and curvy so doesn't fall prey to sexist shit of the sort the OPs dd is encountering.

I was 14 in the 90s and I distinctly remember being challenged for being in the girls toilets on two occasions. So unfortunately it isn’t a new thing arising from pronouns.

Not sure why some PPs have been going on about pronouns.

It was one of OP's comments, that her daughter was asked pronouns when other more stereotype conforming children weren't. And that bit is absolutely down to the gender movement. And yes, it's regressive.

@IwantToRetire is right that it's good your DD can talk to you about this OP, a real positive. A good opportunity to discuss regressive stereotypes.

Not sure why some PPs have been going on about pronouns.

This is about people assuming that both girls and boys / women and men should conform to some sort of 1950s stereotype.

Its hard to fathem how we have gone so far backwards as a society that the "gender benders" of the 70s/80s now seem to be forgotten.

I dont even think this is about the trans agenda, although maybe a consequence of their absurd gender conforming notions.

Absolutely should no girl or young woman should be told to somehow try and appear more "feminine".

I think it brilliant that DD seems to be mostly confident and assured about who she is, how she dresses and isn't endlessly trying to conform to so current notion of how she should be.

But can see that it could get tiresome that some people think they can challenge others because they are so small minded.

If she feels okay just saying I'm female just support her for being so confident.

Or you could come up with some sort of little jokes she could add such as yes I'm female, women come in all shapes and sizes. (Sorry cant actually think of any.)

Sorry this probably isn't that helpful, but the best think seems to be that she feels able to talk to you about it.

That's is so great.

(I asserted this isn't anything to do with trans agenda. Has there ever been an example of someone challenging her that she was a male "indentifying" as a female to access the Ladies' Toilets?)

Isn't it a regressive time? DD looks at photos of her when younger in horror - "look at my short hair! " The expectations imposed on girls and young women are so depressing.

Well done to every girl / young woman who continues to have the hair they want - not what others expect.

It was only small children who got it wrong 20+ years ago though.

I support her by saying she's doing a cracking job of expanding people's perceptions of how a female should look/dress and that's great.

The reality is in fact she's another female casualty of gender ideology.

10 years ago nobody would have considered a person who accessed female spaces would have been male regardless of appearance/dress unless they were obviously male.

A friend (lesbian and has an androgynous look) never used to have this issue but now encounters it on occasion.

It pisses her off but she just laughs and (depending on context) says not all females conform to sex stereotypes but I assure you I am 100% female or a far more bawdy response about inviting someone to check what's not between her legs 😂.

She said as soon as she opens her mouth it's obvious from the timbre of her voice that they clock she's a woman and the usual response is that they are embarrassed and apologise.

So I'd suggest to support her in having the confidence to not let it worry her, be proud of who she is and looks and maybe have a couple of stock responses (though I'd avoid my friends bawdy response for a teen!) so she's prepared and not fumbling what to say in the heat of the moment.

I used to get 'Mummy, is that a boy or a girl?' when working in the supermarket. Once 'Mummy, what's that?'. 'Mummy' looked mortified.

I agree that the world has taken a massive step back with stereotyping, TeenLifeMum. I was looking at some old photos from the 70s online a while ago, and it was hard to tell the boys from the girls - they all had mullet hairstyles, stripey tops with round necklines, shirts with long collars, baggy trousers; in short, one Bay City Roller fan looked pretty much like any other Bay City Roller fan, regardless of sex!
Then the princess/fairy/butterfly/pink thing hit, and we were back to the sugar and spice/puppy dogs' tails dichotomy again.

Your DD shouldn't have to do a damn thing, OP, to look stereotypically female, and I hope she continues to feel OK about just being herself.
Having a prepared response to being mistaken for a male is a good idea - mine is 'Would you like to have another go at that?'

My adult teen has a friend who wants to be seen as a boy. If someone didn't look properly she could pass as a younger boy, maybe 14. She looks nothing like the 17/18 year old lads though.

My dd had this aged around 12 to 13 and it was very annoying. She just had short hair, one child said to her mum 'why is that boy wearing a skirt?' and the mum replied 'he's trans, he's just doing it for attention'! It's very hard when they want to dress as themselves and be freer to wear clothes (not anything controversial, just a top and jeans) and this is 'read' as being a boy when they are not.

It's a measure of how entrenched blue/pink type thinking is that people don't think women can have short hair- short hair was very common in the 80's and it in no way signified being a boy.

I don't have great advice on what to do, eventually my dd grew her hair long and it stopped happening.

I distinctly remember a small child walking behind me and saying, loudly, 'Mummy, why is that boy wearing a skirt' and his mother clearly dying as she could tell I was female. I had cropped hair and was quite lanky, no make up etc.

I think it's isual for teenagers to find this stuff embarrassing and uncomfortable to hear/deal with. Most things at 14 are awkward! It does get better though, my face shape is now clearly female. My 11 year old DD has cropped hair and wears baggy shorts and t-shirts and has people assuming she's a boy. She's shrugged it off so far (autism helps that) bit I bet it'll change as she gets to the teenage phase. This thread is useful for me!

Gender and TQ+ are the problem though.

When I was a teenager, girls could have short hair / boys could wear ‘a bit of mascara’ and just be girls with short hair & boys with a bit of makeup. All this stupid business about gender means that now it’s taken as a signal that she’s a boy or he’s a girl.

If she feels she must say something I was born female, I'm still female would leave them in no doubt at all. If she felt brave she could add the trans stuff is nonsense.

But the boys won't stay looking like this. They will bulk out and develop a very different shape to a female with an athletic build. They go through puberty a bit later, but eventually they'll all stop looking like teenage boys and start looking like men.

DS was mistaken for a girl regularly until he was around 14 and a half, and one of his friends was regularly mistaken for a boy. Both were challenged fairly often in toilets, and stuck to the unisex loos whenever they were available. They wore pronoun badges and just answered "I'm a boy/girl" when asked. Now that they are a bit older, mistakes are much less frequent. They were both confident in their identity and didn't generally upsetting when people made mistakes, but they also hung around in a group with plenty of LGBTQ+ where people had such less rigid expectations of gender presentation.