Sexual harassed DD6 in unisex toilet

The schools lack of seriousness would annoy me enough to phone ofsted and see what they think about it. They are failing to safeguard a child and this is not normal behaviour for a 6 year old boy, I'd be raising some safeguarding questions about this child.
This is not ok ever, it's not a case of kids will be kids.

If they hand wave any harder they will fly away.

I'm not trying to minimise how embarrassing or upsetting it must have been for your daughter, but I'd classify it as bullying rather than sexual harassment

Actually you are. And calling it bullying doesn't make it any better. Being on the receiving end of bullying that embarrassed and upset her in front of her peers and who she has to be in class with is just as bad.

Why are some posters so determined to downplay this?

FFS.

Although I think single sexed spaces are so important, it’s irrelevant in this situation.

Like most accessible toilets or baby changing facilities, they will often be unisex.

The boys didn’t open the door because it was a unisex toilet and it sounds like this would have happened if it was a single sexed toilet too, as he was holding the door closed originally, not actually going inside.

I think OP (and some posters) are focusing on the unisex toilets, which is an important topic, but not for this situation and I wonder if OP has focused more on this when speaking to the school.

Even if this was girls doing it to the DD it would still be awful behaviour and it’s so wrong that the school aren’t making this a bigger deal.

Sorry just to add, this may sound trivial but has the school fixed the lock.

Its incredible for them to have either left a broken lock unfixed or to have accepted toilets with locks that aren't easy for a child to use.

That at least would show they are taking it seriously as an incident that could happen to other girls.

Let alone somehow implying your DD was the problem for not being able to use the lock and would have to ask a teacher to come with her to the toilet.

Honestly dont know what they were thinking when they said that.

The school has a clear duty of care and safeguarding responsibilities for your daughter.

If they fail to do anything, then I'd take it up with the Governors.

The boy who thought this was appropriate needs a harsh punishment to remind him how inappropriate his behaviour was and set an example for others who are minded to do the same.

I am not normally an advocate of corporal punishment, but I still remember a boy being caned for misbehaving when I was at school; it certainly had a deterrent effect on others.

Have only just seen this thread and wanted to say how sorry I am that this happened to your DD.

Does your post that I have quoted above mean this is all that the school is going to do?

If so do you feel re-assured or do you want them to do something more?

Do you know about this group, who might be able to provide advice https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/

And more importantly how does your DD feel now? or maybe !

But well done to you for not letting the school fob you off.

And persisting with the minefield of mumsnet rules.

Let alone the bullies who think somehow they can intuit via their connection to the internet what someone they have never met in real life is making things up.

Also ignore those who tell you how you think is wrong.

Go with what you feel and as important, how your DD responded.

If all else fails or you are not re-assured you could try your local council assuming they have a committe that overseas education in the area. Even if just to ask them to ensure that schools are following good guidance re safety of girls in schools.

You might hope 6 is an age of innocence but unfortunately it is not too young to have seen pornography or having experienced or watched unwanted sexual activity.

It may not be the norm but the school should be seeing it as a red flag just to be on the safe side. There is the issue of the girl’s experience to deal with plus why a 6 year old wants to do this. It MAY be straightforward bullying, that could’ve applied to either a boy or a girl but it could be a symptom of something more concerning. As a parent you are welcome to assume the best but as schools have to abide by safeguarding principles it should NOT be disregarded simply because the boy is 6 years old. The school should be using professional curiosity just to err on the side of caution. Hopefully there is something going on behind the scenes that OP is not aware of (and right now shouldn’t be).

Schools have to deal with all kinds of difficult and often unbelievable situations because sadly, a small percentage will have a horror show for a back story. This may not be the case but it is NOT up to a teacher or a TA to make that call.

And even if it was bullying* it needs treating with seriousness because all schools will have anti bullying policies and unchecked they are adding to the problem.

*the school may not call it bullying as bullying is defined as persistent but it should be logged as a concern anyway. Hopefully it now has.

I'm the mother of a young son. I watch in horror when stories like this - and some people's responses to them - unfold.

His father and I do our damndest to bring him up with good lights. He doesn't witness violence, abuse, arguments or derogatory behaviour between his parents in the home. We are very careful about monitoring his screen use, and will hold off on getting him a mobile phone until we think it appropriate and he's much older. He knows sexism is not okay and will call it out when he sees it. At present he doesn't appear particularly susceptible to peer-pressure (he refused his 'friend's' request to try to get another kid into trouble, said he wasn't going to do his dirty work and would 'grass' on him if he deliberately did this). I don't approve of this friendship, but I doubt it will be the last time that happens. We have not, ever, used the female changing rooms at the pool since the day he turned 7. He knows why that is not appropriate. Other mothers often see fit to flout that rule, but I want my boy to learn from a young age that girls'/women's place is not to make way for men. His dad is of a similar mindset.

I'm not sure how much more parents can do. But we don't raise our kids in a vacuum. I'm so concerned over the influences he's later likely to be exposed to socially. Primary school is a teddy-bear's picnic compared with secondary. Nor am I naive as to the prevalence of male-pattern abusive behaviour. I was abused by male schoolmates as a teenager.

The number of people who are in denial as to these sobering facts is a depressing indicator of why these problems are so entrenched socially. If I were the mum of the boy who did this, I'd be mortified. I'd question everything I'd done as a parent, do my damndest to correct the damage, and an apology is the very least of what the girl concerned would be entitled to expect. I'd also be asking the school to work with me on hammering home the message that this is not okay, and that such behaviour in an older male could result in criminal proceedings.

They are six. Six! Where do they learn this stuff? And yes, it absolutely is sexualised behaviour designed to humiliate the girl. This is how it starts.

Then there's the implicit suggestion out there in the wild (any SM platform will amply confirm it) that males have their lives ruined by accusations of sexual assault; no similar concern as to how women's lives are ruined by experiencing it. Society would rather believe women are liars than that men abuse.

I fear for our children's futures. What they might be subjected to, and what they might turn into. Denial of unpleasant facts is not going to make them go away and we all have responsibilities as parents.

I'm sorry. OP.

I would also be unhappy that school are slow to respond.

However.

I think you're probably upsetting yourself further by classifying this as sexual harassment, when there's absolutely no evidence of a sexual motivation on the boy's part. Yes it (loosely) involves genetalia, but most six year olds would regard someone sitting on a toilet as funny/embarrassing rather than sexual. I'm not trying to minimise how embarrassing or upsetting it must have been for your daughter, but I'd classify it as bullying rather than sexual harassment.

I'm also not sure how much difference it makes being a unisex toilet. If it opens directly onto a corridor (and is a self-contained room) then surely a boy could have been passing and offered to hold the door, even if the toilet itself was just for girls.

I'm guessing because NABALT
Even though no one has said ABALT

Also agree that it's sexual harassment, the boys were waiting till she had her pants down to laugh at her and make her feel humiliated.

The tragic thing is that it has been clear for some time that women and girls are 9 times more likely to be sexually assaulted in unisex or gender neural spaces. Yet the authorities don't seem to be doing anything about it.

This makes it even more important for us to stand up for the rights of women and girls to have safety, privacy and dignity. Best of luck with your complaint. By standing up for your daughter, and getting the school policy changed you could be helping countless other children in the future.

Unisex changing rooms put women in danger (thetimes.co.uk)

Unisex changing rooms put women at danger of sexual assault, data reveals | The Independent | The Independent

All of the above is absolutely correct

I agree that it's sexual harassment. I think this boy should be suspended. It's voyeurism.

It seems that many posters do not understand that sexual harassment/humiliation/assault/rape are not crimes of sexual interest - these are crimes of power. Specifically male power over women and girls.

Those boys were humiliating an undressed little girl and getting their friends to come and see - demonstrating their power over her as she was helpless in that situation.

The minimising from posters on here and also from the school it seems, the assertion that this is not sexual harassment is depressing. Nothing to see here.

Indeed. And the excuses for male behaviour too it seems.

Sexual harassment can be carried out with no sexual motive. It can be done to humiliate and to gain power. The conduct is inherently sexual in nature because these boys and this poor girl are all old enough to understand the concept of genitalia being private and exposure of them being shameful. This boy weaponised this girl's shame about her uncovered vulva to gain social status with the other boys and power over her. That all involved are prepubescent is irrelevant. This is male pattern abuse of a girl and follows the sexual humiliation pattern of abuse.

OP I would be fucking FUMING. Be as loud as you can and take his as far as you can.

Lol. Reception boys were "helping" my reception boy in the toilet, holding doors but also looking in. Immediately classified as sexual harassment and dealt with instantly and here I have pages of people arguing that something done in toilets as a planned action isn't. 😂

Get over yourselves and the constant minimising of what happens to girls because your son might be called out someday. 🙄

OP I'd be on it with the board of governors and reporting to ofsted if you are not happy with how the head handles it.

I would contact the school's safe guarding and the school head and if not happy then the school board. Your poor daughter.
The thing is - kids don't have certain feelings until a situation arises where they get them for the first time - her shame, humiliation, vulnerability and fear have now been created thanks to these idiots and she might go back to that place when triggered.

I am so not getting why people think a boy opening a door on a girl while she has her pants down is not being sexually harrased. I mean it wouldn't be funny for him opening the door if she was standing there fully clothed would it.

Yes this. Why are posters trying to minimise this dreadful incident? Your poor daughter OP.