Sexual harassed DD6 in unisex toilet

#BeKind? Grow up.
I did not comment on the opinion or experience (I have also had a suicidal child if you want to play top trumps). I was commenting on the accusation the other PP was downplaying it when they were not - doing so is not a 'good faith' post.

Safeguarding and supporting the victim 531.
The following principles are based on effective safeguarding practice and should help shape any decisions regarding safeguarding and supporting the victim.

• The needs and wishes of the victim should be paramount (along with protecting the child) in any response. It is important they feel in as much control of the process as is reasonably possible. Wherever possible, the victim, if they wish, should be able to continue in their normal routine. Overall, the priority should be to make the victim’s daily experience as normal as possible, so that the school or college is a safe space for them;
• Consider the age and the developmental stage of the victim, the nature of the allegation(s) and the potential risk of further abuse. Schools and colleges should be aware that, by the very nature of sexual violence and sexual harassment, a power imbalance is likely to have been created between the victim and alleged perpetrator(s);
• The victim should never be made to feel they are the problem for making a report or made to feel ashamed for making a report;

https://www.keepingchildrensafeineducation.co.uk/part_five_ch_sex_viol.html#ongoing

For it to be sexual harrassment there would need to be some kind of sexual element or intent behind his action wouldn't there? Or was he just being mean and naughty? There are silly mean naughty kids who mock other kids in the toilets, doesnt necessarily translate into sexual harrasment. Remember he's only 6. The school staff are best placed to make the call about what this is, they know him, you presumably don't? Either way there needs to be an apology, stern talking too and maybe his parents informed too.

Finally they are key stage 1 and yes at our school the toilets are mixed sex for that age.

I’m sorry to hear this, your poor dd

I’m sure there’s good advice from pp

Nobody would suggest 6 year old boys need to be reported to the police or expelled.

The school has to acknowledge the issue, and look into it. Ask why this has happened. Above all, OP's DD needs to know that the adults tasked with caring for her will not permit her to be attacked, abused, mocked, or made to feel bad.

She's lucky she's got her mum fighting for her.

Don't worry someone who doesn't understand the difference between am and was isn't really worth taking any notice of.

The importance of recognising that this is sexualised behaviour, transgressing boundaries, invading OP's DD's privacy, shaming her, embarrassing her, and making her feel terrible when she is exposed is important because THIS IS HOW IT STARTS.

Rape culture starts with 'boys being boys' and minimising this as just being 'silly'.

It's deliberate humiliation. It needs to be addressed for what it is. This may mean staff sensitively looking into the reasons why these boys behaved like this.

So why say it was downplaying it?

You don't understand the past tense do you. Says a lot about you.

She specifically said it was downplaying it.

Did you miss where I said bullying that embarrasses someone is just as bad as what happened to OP's child?

FTR downplaying bullying is the last thing I'd do. I've been on the receiving end as child AND adult.

What a very unkind response to someone who is just sharing her opinion and her experience of a very difficult time for her own child.

That poster didn't say, or imply, that.
Your username is very apt.
Or, you're being deliberately obtuse. Not sure which is worse.

Well exactly. Those on the thread saying is might just be misbehaviour aren't condoning it, just saying they wouldn't necessarily class it as sexual behaviour. It doesn't mean the school shouldn't come down on it like a tonne of bricks, but equally unless there are other concerns it is unlikely to be enough evidence of unusual sexualised activity to warrant any more than the incident being recorded (in addition to a sanction I mean). I'm not sure what posters are expecting. Thresholds for exclusion or social care involvement are insanely high. There's not a chance this would be taken on even by Early Help as evidence the boys have been exposed to something they shouldn't have been.

It was a violation of a girl's private space when her body was exposed. Of course she experienced it as a form of sexual harassment.

They needed her to be female to get their fun.

If the other parent or school came at me with ridiculous terms like sexual harassment over this incident, that would be the end of the conversation or any cooperation from our side.

in my opinion your statement comes across as very belittling of that girl and highly dismissive and enabling of outrageously bad behaviour on the part of those boys.

I know I’d have been absolutely mortified had I been her.

If my son did that with a gang of boys, I would be deeply worried that he had strayed so far from what is acceptable in his behaviour, that I’d be deeply concerned about his character.

I don't think calling it bullying is downplaying it. One of my kids was badly bullied in KS2 and was suicidal. When your 9 year old is selfharming and threatening suicide it really isn't something trivial. I think the one downplaying something is you, down playing bullying is dangerous.

If parents like you were the majority, then we may, just may, have a chance to make safeguarding women and girls an actual thing that all of society saw as important and essential. Unfortunately, there seems to be an awful lot of parents who believe the following (and I quote):

"If the other parent or school came at me with ridiculous terms like sexual harassment over this incident, that would be the end of the conversation or any cooperation from our side"

That they not only hold these opinions, but also see fit to come to the FWR board to spout this misogynistic shite, is mind boggling. And depressing.

This is the statutory guidance for schools and colleges.

'Sexual harassment452.
When referring to sexual harassment we mean ‘unwanted conduct of a sexual nature’ that can occur online and offline and both inside and outside of school/college. When we reference sexual harassment, we do so in the context of child-on-child sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is likely to: violate a child’s dignity, and/or make them feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated and/or create a hostile, offensive or sexualised environment.
453.
Whilst not intended to be an exhaustive list, sexual harassment can include:

• Sexual comments, such as: telling sexual stories, making lewd comments, making sexual remarks about clothes and appearance and calling someone sexualised names;
• Sexual “jokes” or taunting;
• Physical behaviour, such as: deliberately brushing against someone, interfering with someone’s clothes. Schools and colleges should be considering when any of this crosses a line into sexual violence – it is important to talk to and consider the experience of the victim;
• Displaying pictures, photos or drawings of a sexual nature;
• Upskirting (this is a criminal offence [137]); and
• Online sexual harassment. This may be standalone, or part of a wider pattern of sexual harassment and/or sexual violence. [138] It may include:
• Consensual and non-consensual sharing of nude and semi-nude images and/or videos. [139] Taking and sharing nude photographs of U18s is a criminal offence. UKCIS Sharing nudes and semi-nudes: advice for education settings working with children and young people provides detailed advice for schools and colleges;
• Sharing of unwanted explicit content;
• Sexualised online bullying;
• Unwanted sexual comments and messages, including, on social media;
• Sexual exploitation; coercion and threats; and
• Coercing others into sharing images of themselves or performing acts they’re not comfortable with online.

All the boys who gathered should be made to realise this is not a normal or polite behaviour

It's awful this happened to your daughter and awful it happening to anyone of course. I do have boys and they can be silly. They don't necessarily at the age of 6 consider their decisions carefully or would it have been sexually motivated, I think more like boys being silly and taking it too far. Sexual harassment is very far stretched. Imagine if it was your daughter that did that, being silly, would you say she sexually harassed someone at the age of 6? Or would you class this behaviour as silliness? If you'd have said they tried to touch her etc then yes but they just laughed like silly boys do!

You really think boys never got bullied/threatened/hurt in the old style toilet blocks. Do you have sons? My understanding was the old style toilet blocks were as scary for boys as the girls ones were for girls.

There is no legal requirement to have single sex toilets for infants and many school buildings haven't been updated in years and years. As such I doubt a risk assessment has been completed or would be deemed particularly reasonable to complete. I appreciate you think it is but that doesn't mean the school would have to comply.

https://www.keepingchildrensafeineducation.co.uk/part_five_ch_sex_viol.html

What schools and colleges should be aware of447.
Sexual violence and sexual harassment can occur between two or more children of any age and sex, from primary through to secondary stage and into college. It can occur also through a group of children sexually assaulting or sexually harassing a single child or group of children. Sexual violence and sexual harassment exist on a continuum and may overlap; they can occur online and face-to-face (both physically and verbally) and are never acceptable. Schools and colleges should be aware of the importance of:

• Making clear that there is a zero-tolerance approach to sexual violence and sexual harassment, that it is never acceptable, and it will not be tolerated. It should never be passed off as “banter”, “just having a laugh”, “a part of growing up” or “boys being boys”. Failure to do so can lead to a culture of unacceptable behaviour, an unsafe environment and in worst case scenarios a culture that normalises abuse, leading to children accepting it as normal and not coming forward to report it;
• Recognising, acknowledging, and understanding the scale of harassment and abuse and that even if there are no reports it does not mean it is not happening, it may be the case that it is just not being reported;
• Challenging physical behaviour (potentially criminal in nature) such as grabbing bottoms, breasts and genitalia, pulling down trousers, flicking bras and lifting up skirts. Dismissing or tolerating such behaviours risks normalising them.

A proper self contained room seems safer to me. The old toilet blocks were terrifying for many children. The ones opening onto a corridor seem much less likely to result in bullying.

Unsure why my “hmm” comment was deleted - it wasn’t offensive in any way and nor was it troll hunting or calling the OP a liar.

But either way I’ve now got the time to comment on this. I don’t think it can be considered sexual harassment, a 6 year old child is below the legal age of criminality and I’ve never come across a 6 year old who had remotely sexual feelings at that age. Bullying, definitely and the school should never have dismissed or minimised. Hopefully you get a resolution to it asap, and an apology from the staff member that ignored your DD.

I’d be strongly tempted to speak to your local councillors too, mixed sex toilets do not belong in schools regardless of if they are primary or secondary. I’d also be requesting to see the safe guarding risk assessment that should have been done before the implementation of mixed sex toilets (and if there isn’t one done I’d take that as high as you possibly can too).

The privacy of her body and its functions were intruded upon by a gang. woukd the gang of boys have done this to another boy? No. They needed her to be female to get their kicks.

Whatever the exact name for that is, it is outrageous.