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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Revealed: the hidden crime of sibling sexual abuse - Sunday Times

58 replies

IwantToRetire · 18/03/2024 17:26

I am aware this article, even the title, may be upsetting for some, but hope you dont mind that I have posted to make others aware of the seriousness of this. Flowers

Siblings are responsible for more sexual abuse of children than any other family member; the studies indicate that a child is three to five times more likely to be abused by an older sibling than by a father or stepfather. Victims are usually younger than children abused by adults — typically five to seven years old — and abused for longer, on average for five years. The world’s largest study, conducted over two years by Rape Crisis, concluded in 2022 that up to 5 per cent of children in Britain have sexually abused a sibling.

SSA is very different from normal developmental curiosity, or what might be called “playing doctors and nurses”. Definitions vary, but a widely used one, by John Caffaro, an American psychology professor, is “sexual acts initiated by one sibling without the other’s consent, by use of force or coercion, or where there is a power differential between the siblings”. The majority of victims are girls, though the older sibling can sometimes be a sister. The abuse does not necessarily involve penetration, but the most common form of SSA recorded by the police in 2022 was rape.

Dynamics in the families where it occurs often include parental absence or lack of supervision, a family crisis such as parental illness, or parents asking their older child to babysit, oblivious to the risk. Poor sexual boundaries within the family, or exposure to pornography or domestic violence, increase the risk, reports the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, a charity that works to prevent child sexual abuse. Jealousy and resentment within step-families can also lead to SSA, and autism features disproportionately among siblings who sexually abuse. But it can and does occur in any kind of home. Most of the adult survivors interviewed for this piece told me if I had lived next door, I’d have thought theirs was a loving, happy family.

Public lack of awareness of something so common has several explanations. The average age at which a victim first discloses the abuse is 40 — and many never do. Fear of destroying their family silences children; so does fear of being disbelieved. When a child does disclose, parents often find it so unthinkable that they accuse their child of lying, or so unbearable that they — in the jargon — “minimise” and dismiss it as exaggeration.

NB this is a very long article with some distressing detail https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/revealed-the-hidden-crime-of-sibling-sexual-abuse-z05cf0l8r

I should have said it is written by Decca Aitkenhead. Can also be read at https://archive.ph/RjuYi

Revealed: the hidden crime of sibling sexual abuse

The family member most likely to sexually abuse a child in Britain is their brother or sister. Decca Aitkenhead meets the survivors speaking out after decades of silence. Contains graphic descriptions

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/revealed-the-hidden-crime-of-sibling-sexual-abuse-z05cf0l8r

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IwantToRetire · 19/03/2024 00:47

@Britinme - so sorry this happened to you. I hope the therapy helped even after such a length of time. Flowers

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IcakethereforeIam · 18/03/2024 22:58

@Britinme that's what I got from some of the stories in the article. Such a complex mix of relationships and emotions. It's simpler to have a villain. Someone to punish. But when the punishment will also hurt the victim?

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.

Britinme · 18/03/2024 22:47

It happened to me when I was 5-6 and my (half) brother was 15. No penetration that I recall but coerced fellatio. I never told my parents but I didn't have much to do with my brother as an adult. We got closer after our mother died and when my first husband died at the age of 54 my brother flew home from holiday and looked after all of us for a couple of weeks. He and I had a long conversation at that time and I told him I'd never forgotten. He apologized sincerely and I forgave him. My childhood was much easier than his (his disrupted by WW2, abuse from his own father, instability in relationships) apart from that.

After I remarried and moved to the US I went into therapy for a couple of years and we covered the issues arising for me from that. My brother died at the age of 69, 15 years ago. I loved him and I miss him.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 18/03/2024 21:01

I'm really glad the Times has reported on this. I first realised it could happen when I met a young woman who'd been abused by her older brother. She'd managed to disclose what was happening, and as a consequence, she ended up in care, because her parents picked supporting her brother over her. It was psychologically easier for them to decide she had to be lying about it, so she lost her entire family.

IwantToRetire · 18/03/2024 20:58

I'm so sorry for everyone who has experienced this and not felt able to talk about it.

Have to admit I skipped over the life experience paragraphs (which is shameful for those revealing their trauma have been so brave) and just read the more factual ones.

Sad
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LaLoba · 18/03/2024 20:37

I’m not likely to read the article, as it’s far too close to home for me, but your last paragraph exactly describes my experience - I never even disclosed as the campaign of ‘LaLoba is over sensitive and unstable’ had been going on my whole life and I knew how it would go.
There is some comfort in seeing it’s a recognised pattern.

App13 · 18/03/2024 20:20

I read a bit of it as I found it too distressing

IcakethereforeIam · 18/03/2024 20:18

I read this. Absolutely horrifying.