Page 2 | White, middle aged men telling us to be kind...

MsMarch · 2024-03-09T16:03:39+00:00

argh. So tedious. Just a rant really. BIL - your classic, middle aged, middle class, white male - has been posting all over social media about the importance of being kind. Lots of emotive posts about children/young teens in transition and why would anyone insist they use the male bathrooms if they don't feel comfortable etc. Patronising responses to women responding. I particularly enjoyed (not really) his faux "I'm still thinking but this is a concern but I'm sure we can come up with a solution" response to someone asking about men in women's sport. Argh. Never ceases to amaze me how men like BIL are so often the ones who have th most to say, and are the most insistent that us women must be "kind" because these poor boys/men need our sympathy. No response necessary. Just wanted to rant.

Topicmanger · 10/03/2024 07:14

So there are two groups of ‘she’s’, but he is only focusing on the feelings of one group of these ‘she’s’ Whilst disregarding the feelings of the other group of ‘she’s’.

Nothing, nothing reveals more clearly that he actually really sees one of those groups as ‘he’s’ than this.

Men like him never show up for females, only for males.

Crankywiddershins · 10/03/2024 07:04

If he doesn't think his niece deserves dignity, privacy and respect he sounds like a bit of a groomer tbh.

Original poster

MsMarch · 10/03/2024 00:53

Why can’t they be kind to me? And my daughter?

Yes, this was 100% my response.

But as you say, there's a type. And ultimately, the comfort of any male is ALWAYS more important than the comfort of a female, even a child. They will never ever see this as what is happening, but we all know the truth.

Sigh.

I do feel better for having the opportunity to rant on here to likeminded women though! Thanks!

OP posts:

ATerrorofLeftovers · 10/03/2024 00:50

MsMarch · 10/03/2024 00:40

Oh, he doesn't dispute that someone who has transitioned is still biologically their original sex. He just thinks that letting them act and behave according to their gender is perfectly fine, with the possible exception of sport (but he's not convinced).

"Does it really impact you if someone wearing a dress who is a biological man uses the change room? Why can't you just be kind to the poor soul?"

Why can’t they be kind to me? And my daughter?

Is usually my response to this. But I know exactly the type of male you’re referring to and they’re arrogant and smugly self-assured and self-righteous enough to not give any thought to the notion they might ever be wrong.

Original poster

MsMarch · 10/03/2024 00:40

Oh, he doesn't dispute that someone who has transitioned is still biologically their original sex. He just thinks that letting them act and behave according to their gender is perfectly fine, with the possible exception of sport (but he's not convinced).

"Does it really impact you if someone wearing a dress who is a biological man uses the change room? Why can't you just be kind to the poor soul?"

OP posts:

Cancelledcurio · 10/03/2024 00:35

OP I have an older bro like that. He's married but no children. Both of them have done very well for themselves . Mortgage paid off long ago etc. Wait for it... both from a science background! Yep absolute nuggets! Doesn't affect them in the slightest so they don't give a fuck. And we should be kind. We don't chat much. No loss really.

Original poster

MsMarch · 10/03/2024 00:29

@teawamutu I couldn't agree more. But you know the type - patronising and totally believes he's right. So these sort of questions land up with him acting like I'm totally unreasonable to even question him.

And no, he's not my favourite relative!

OP posts:

teawamutu · 10/03/2024 00:27

MsMarch · 10/03/2024 00:20

For me, I feel especially irritated about him right now as I have a DD who is 9. She's at that age where she's starting to feel conscious of her body. So she doesn't just strip down anywhere, any time anymore. At the swimming pool, if someone lets their older male child into the woman's bathrooms, she's uncomfortable etc etc. But BIL thinks that we should let the trans girl into the change room because "she" understandably feels uncomfortable in the men's changing room. But what about my DD? she doesn't want to be changing with a boy in the room!?

I've done the "what about predators" on him in the past. His view is it's so rare as to be irrelevant.... Also, he's a big believer in "not penalising all for the mistakes of a few" type mindset.

I asked him about the having sex with a woman with a penis once. He said that he "falls in love with the person"....

I think the most annoying part of this most recent social media posting is the patronising response he's been using on people who challenge him. Although he hasn't responded to my comment. Probably too scared!

'So rare as to be irrelevant'. Nice. So he should be able to give the number he's comfortable with. The number of young girls assaulted and traumatised in the cause of not making biological males sad.

Mine is zero. I suspect yours is, too. He should be able to say what his is.

pronounsbundlebundle · 10/03/2024 00:25

Ask him why K Dolatowski should be allowed to attack little girls in falsely labelled 'women's' toilets.

And why men's feelings trump women and children's safety

teawamutu · 10/03/2024 00:25

catduckgoose · 10/03/2024 00:01

"They shouldn't be looking at other people's genitals" is the usual response I get to this online, sadly. Didn't used to be.

Show quote history

Ah, the Laurie Penny gambit. The Wi Spa sex offender link, maybe?

Original poster

MsMarch · 10/03/2024 00:20

For me, I feel especially irritated about him right now as I have a DD who is 9. She's at that age where she's starting to feel conscious of her body. So she doesn't just strip down anywhere, any time anymore. At the swimming pool, if someone lets their older male child into the woman's bathrooms, she's uncomfortable etc etc. But BIL thinks that we should let the trans girl into the change room because "she" understandably feels uncomfortable in the men's changing room. But what about my DD? she doesn't want to be changing with a boy in the room!?

I've done the "what about predators" on him in the past. His view is it's so rare as to be irrelevant.... Also, he's a big believer in "not penalising all for the mistakes of a few" type mindset.

I asked him about the having sex with a woman with a penis once. He said that he "falls in love with the person"....

I think the most annoying part of this most recent social media posting is the patronising response he's been using on people who challenge him. Although he hasn't responded to my comment. Probably too scared!

OP posts:

ATerrorofLeftovers · 10/03/2024 00:13

ATerrorofLeftovers · 10/03/2024 00:12

What, the biological males who’ve muscled into a space where there are vulnerable, naked teenage girls? Well, you’d think that would be a given, wouldn’t you, but these days….

That was a suggested response to catduckgoose’s experience with these twunts.

ATerrorofLeftovers · 10/03/2024 00:12

What, the biological males who’ve muscled into a space where there are vulnerable, naked teenage girls? Well, you’d think that would be a given, wouldn’t you, but these days….

catduckgoose · 10/03/2024 00:01

teawamutu · 09/03/2024 17:07

Try the Staniland Question on him. Ask what his foolproof method for separating out the wrong 'uns from the nice ones before a girl is harassed or harmed is. When he admits he hasn't got one, ask for a ballpark figure of how many girls harmed is unacceptable collateral damage in the interests of not making men sad.

The ones who haven't already blocked me usually shut up at about this point.

"They shouldn't be looking at other people's genitals" is the usual response I get to this online, sadly. Didn't used to be.

UltraLiteLife · 09/03/2024 20:02

Seconding anyone who questions why these men handing out admonitions don't pledge to #BeKind to transwomen using appropriate facilities and be ready to Ma-a-a-a-te any man who looks askance when they use them.

Men, normalise #BeKind to your own sex. Police the behaviour you don't want to see in your own sex.

Fix the system, not the women.

Hint: the system at fault here would be the men who are perceived as threats and policing the use of their facilities.

Redpencil99 · 09/03/2024 20:01

No, there does need to be a response, if you don't respond it will be taken that you accept his view.

Kindness is not the prerequisite of a female, not is daintiness, nor neatness and tidiness.

i absolutely agree with the view that you suggest that males make accommodations, and move their prejudices to one side.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 09/03/2024 19:57

Twitter is full of these misogynistic mansplaining twats. Look at any tweet by a GC feminist on the subject of woman’s rights and the chances are you’ll see a string of replies from these men. The optics are terrible, but they are oblivious.

YY. They are ten a penny all over the internet. They haven't a fucking clue about being a woman but they're going to speak their paternalistic brainz anyway. The rock hard certainty that you have something worth saying is such a male privilege.

TheGreatGherkin · 09/03/2024 19:15

Ask him if he would have sex with a woman with a penis/man with a vagina.

MyLadyDisdainlsYetLiving · 09/03/2024 19:07

The last person who did this in my circle of acquaintances (middle class middle age married white man with kids) publicly transitioned a year later. Just saying.

ChanelNo19EDT · 09/03/2024 18:40

Lead by example!

Such a good response. 👍🏻

Cattenberg · 09/03/2024 17:54

Twitter is full of these misogynistic mansplaining twats. Look at any tweet by a GC feminist on the subject of woman’s rights and the chances are you’ll see a string of replies from these men. The optics are terrible, but they are oblivious.

I used to get annoyed, but now I just remember the saying about how you should never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Pluralism · 09/03/2024 17:54

I always assume these "be kind" men have a dodgy search history tbh. Can you go low contact with him?

newtlover · 09/03/2024 17:49

NAWMAMCMALT

but the ones spouting this nonsense often fit this profile

get back to us when a black lesbian is enabling male sex offenders

ScierraDoll · 09/03/2024 17:45

What's your problem with white middle aged men?
Isn't the whole essence of racism/hatred based on making assumptions about people based on your perceived prejudices?
Would you be so offended if it was a young black lesbian, or a jew or an islamist

newtlover · 09/03/2024 17:44

Exactly, tell him men need to be kind by expanding what it means to be masculine, by embracing gender nonconforming men in their spaces and to stop trying to make this women's problem to solve.

this x1000

and if he thinks TW might not feel comfortable, then the men just need to try harder at being kind