Trans pupils and dorms in France

Oh I wish one of my best friends was on here. She went to a boarding school and judging from some of the things she and her "galpals" got up to, if there was a p in the room it wouldn't have lasted long! No, I don't mean...
I mean its owner would have been ridiculed and thrown out.

Yes its come to something when you have to talk of "a male with a penis"!
NOT getting at you, I understand the need, just think it speaks volumes.

OP - how did this pan out? I would be tempted to hope that she gets to share with a girl and if she doesnt, get her to say that for religious/cultural reasons her strict family will not allow her to share with the opposite sex, then they cannot blame it on her.

Sorry... Late to the party but my DC went on a school trip and ended up having to share a bed! They were allocated based on birth gender.

In a room with four students, two were trans and one was a lesbian. As DC put it "it was all very ironic as we were basically mixed gender sharing a bed anyway - and even the girl who identified as one was a lesbian".

I agree with this. The last paragraph is especially important, and one of the main reasons why I have been very vocal with my teenage daughters on trans issues.

I"m not sure whether funding state schools in France works like that.

It costs the school money if you moved her. Just a thought

I don't know if @WelcomeMarchwithwintrywind s suggestion is possible in your case, but was also going to suggest this. It can be a really successful arrangement with a welcoming and supportive family.

Well said. This needs to be the approach everywhere.

I also agree that it is inappropriate to ask individuals to come to an agreement about how to approach such decisions, let alone to expect children to do so.

In the current environment, there is no space to safely express the opinion that safeguarding of girls is more important than affirming the female gender identity of boys.

The procedures should be in place to protect the dignity and safety of girls automatically, without them having to advocate for their own safe spaces and risk the response we see in all spheres where women are told to shut up.

If we accept the wealth of evidence that women and girls need safe spaces to change, to sleep and to use the toilet, away from men and boys, we should not make exceptions to this principle and no one should have to justify why this need is more important than any other need.

I've just filled in the consultation for the guidance for gender quesioning children in English schools, and it occured to me that this could be useful to you, OP. It's really clear and well written.

https://consult.education.gov.uk/equalities-political-impartiality-anti-bullying-team/gender-questioning-children-proposed-guidance/supporting_documents/Gender%20Questioning%20Children%20%20nonstatutory%20guidance.pdf

In particular p15, section 6.43.

To help you clarify your own thoughts about what should be normal practice, and possibly even to be able to show them something 'official' about how things are done in the UK.

Whilst dropping some hints about how other countries are starting to be more careful, how there have been lawsuits about it, that the UK is ahead of the curve etc.

It's what I think I'd do if I had a similar problem. I used to live in France and still have a lot of friends there, many of whom are teachers/are parents of teenagers. There's a hell of a lot of ignorance dressed up as acceptance.

Yes.

This is very coercive. 'Girls, would you like to be a nice inclusive person who is kind, or an exclusionary bigot?'

Adults should not be delegating decisions with safeguarding implications to children.

By "pupils to be housed where they want basically" they obviously mean "trans-identifying" pupils. They obviously don't give a monkey's about any children without "identities"

https://www.education.gouv.fr/bo/21/Hebdo36/MENE2128373C.htm says that "l'établissement peut autoriser l'élève à occuper une chambre dans une partie de l'internat conforme à son identité de genre dans les mêmes conditions ; une solution peut être recherchée en concertation avec les camarades de l'élève concerné pour le partage d'une chambre ; en tout état de cause, les solutions mises en œuvre devront nécessairement avoir fait l'objet d'un consensus". So there is some scope for negotiation and it's unlikely your daughter would be forced to share with a trans pupil against her will.

This link might be useful: https://www1.ac-grenoble.fr/article/les-eleves-trans-et-non-binaires-accueil-et-prise-en-charge-123666 it says "Pour les chambres, veillez à trouver un consensus avec les autres élèves, surtout en cas de chambre partagée".

"Et si les autres élèves ne sont pas d’accord avec ce changement ?”Si les autres élèves ne sont pas à l’aise, il convient de trouver une solution provisoire en attendant d’instaurer un dialogue avec les élèves pour trouver un consensus ou une autre solution alternative (chambre individuelle pour l’élève trans en internat, bureau ou pièce neutre pour les vestiaires par exemple : beaucoup de solutions existent)"

Could she board with a family who live near the school?

Pre-Brexit, a state school (not a boarding school) local to me in England offered the IB and took a few students from other parts of the EU. A friend, who has had children at that school, has been one of their host families. I don’t know how much she was paid.

The school still offers the IB but post Brexit they may not take the EU students.

It would be a more expensive option, though.

Is it not possible for children who live far away from school to have some kind of half remote, half in person approach yet? Boarding is quite hard even when there's adequate safeguarding.

Teens need boundaries, without clear boundaries that protect all (not just some) it's just a disaster waiting to happen. The teen years are quite a critical period for young women for developing boundaries and an ability to say 'no' to a variety of pressures. If she's put in an environment where 'no' to males is not an option and to do so = social death and / or where teen on teen abuse is normalised, I think that's a really big problem and I would probably look at homeschooling before putting my child in that situation.

If the school is not even willing to discuss the need for sex-based safeguarding I consider that a major red flag. You really need to sound them out - are they genuinely denying the risks or would they, in reality, be happy to ensure she only shares with a female and it's just national policy that has drunk the kool aid?

I think even the message that girls aren't worthy of safeguarding or boundaries and their opinions about their lives don't count is dangerous even if nothing happens. It's almost like a form of grooming - you don't count, what you think doesn't count, how you perceive reality doesn't count, be kind to male bodied people even when they're invading your boundaries and your space.

The issue of her being a new student would worry me. It may be fine and her peers may be supportive, friendly and she'll fit in But if she's an outsider and IF the ethos of the school doesn't reinforce boundaries and mutual respect, along with perhaps being toxic about women and girls, she'll need to be a really self confident and self aware young women to navigate a boarding environment.

Oh! I got my first deletion.

I think my error was to want to communicate clearly about which children have penises. I'll try again.

I'd ask the school, if a child exposes their penis, accidentally or on purpose to a girl in the girls dormitory or shared bathroom, and the girl objects, would they treat it as:
a/ indecent exposure (I assume that is a crime in France as well)
b/ transphobic bullying
c/ both

Clearly it would be better for all concerned if the children were not put in a situation where this is possible. No deliberate misbehaviour is needed for really bad things to happen to children. And in the context of my following post about sexual crimes by children (overwhelmingly male ones) assuming that there won't be any misbehaviour seems insanely naive.

Could you change your working hours a tiny bit so you could, in a worst case situation, drive her (perhaps each of you doing one way) and maybe drop her at school early (say 7.30am) / pick her up later. If it's a boarding school there will be students and staff there anyway. At the very least I'd want my DD to know I'd do this for her if she felt uncomfortable about whoever she was being forced to sleep in a room with - she's not going to sleep much if she feels worried is she? It's hard to speak up for yourself at that age, especially if you'll get the JKR treatment for doing so.

If she's living there, then you start driving her, you can just tell the school she doesn't feel safe where she's sleeping and leave it at that. At that point they need to accommodate her differently. No need to mention trans at all. No need to spell out or justify why she doesn't feel safe - presumably they do have some responsibility to make students feel safe?

Whilst I am very against a clearly flawed policy of letting a certain small cohort of kids dictate who they get to sleep with(what could possibly go wrong?!), in terms of prioritising the wellbeing and safety of my child this is probably how I'd approach it.

Children committing half of reported child sexual abuse offences, new figures reveal | UK News | Sky News

Much of the reporting about this depressing report obscures the facts by talking about 'peer on peer' sexual offences and highlighting image-sharing, neatly hiding who is doing what to whom.

Tucked well down the news story:

" The most common offences committed by 10 to 17-year-olds were sexual assault on a female (15%), rape of a female under 16 (12%), and taking, making or sharing indecent images. Mr Critchley said the predominantly "gender-based crime of boys committing offences against girls" has been "exacerbated" by the accessibility to "violent pornography" and smartphones."

I would feel confident assuming the situation would be as bad or worse in France. (I also used to live there - I had been lucky enough never to have experienced sexual harassment before I did... It was a tiresome feature of daily life for the whole time I was there.)