Sexist and dangerous Samaritans ad

Frankly I don’t know what I would do in each individual situation. I’m still in two minds about the advert having intervened once and been suicidal as well.

I have does some recent suicide awareness training and there were suggestions about small interventions. It was treated a bit like mental first aid.
There were also two very important things not here-
As with physical first aid make sure you are safe first. If you are not comfortable intervening in a particular way don’t. No duty. For some it would be physical safety. Other people need to safeguard their own mental health from hearing someone else talk about suicidal thoughts.

Second whatever happens you are not responsible for the outcome. You can’t do it wrong whether or not and how you intervene.

A total lack of understanding about women's safety. I actually find it quite chilling the number of levels this must have gone through and not a single solitary person said / was listened to about the danger to women in this scenario.

I've had a man attempt to rape me for less than that. Add in that the man already looks distressed. And there are other men around who could do something - why the ever living fuck should a woman get involved in that situation? Unless she's a non-human whose mental health and wellbeing is less important than the man's.

The internal dialogue of the woman was not very realistic. In reality you’d be asking yourself, is I say something will he get aggressive with me? Could he attack me? Is there anyone around I think would defend me? Or will he latch onto me and not go away? Am at at risk of attracting a stalker?’

Yes. Overlooking a woman's discomfort or placing a man's needs above a woman's discomfort is actually quite normal in society.

The intent of the ad is clear to see - humane, understanding, caring etc.
But like all things done from an angle of virtue, it has complete disregard for reality or even statistics.

If that bloke is upset because a lady who smiled at him thinks he's just a friend and here comes a saviour asking him to coffee - she's about to do a whole lot more damage - to him or herself.

The culture of white knighting does have to stop. In as much as it is great to get to know people, doubts should not be pushed aside and one needs to recognise when situations are way outside one's capacity.

See it, say it (to someone who can do something about it), sorted.

No need to replace that with women chatting randoms up.

Which is why using getting a coffee as an opening line is so very odd and so very open to misinterpretation.

I think the big issue here is the ad hasn't tackled the point about why women don't ALREADY check if a man who looks distressed is ok.

Or rather the issue is why the ad hasn't tackled the point about why MEN don't ALREADY check if a man who looks distressed is ok.

Instead they’re relying on the ‘women are caring and it’s their role’ claptrap and are making women responsible for looking out for distressed men….
Why??

People who volunteer for the Samaritans tell me it’s very common for male callers to make obscene comments to female volunteers, so if anyone should be able to see the problem with this ad, it’s Samaritans.

I would be less likely to intervene after this advert and the discussions around it

Perhaps you don't realise what goes into making adverts? Every single aspect is discussed in detail in meetings - camera angles, lighting, costumes, settings, the lot.
Have you ever noticed in toothpaste ads how the 'expert dentist' has clothing to exactly match the brand colour on the box? Same goes for any type of advert.

So someone, or a team of people, decided after much thought to make the 'kind' woman have hair down, lipstick, and a biker jacket, whilst the 'unkind' or 'scared' woman had hair tied back, no make up, and a cardigan.

Why do you think those decisions were made? What were they thinking would be the desired effect on the viewer?

Female volunteers I meant

the Samaritans have form for misogyny. Look up the Brenda’s Line when they used only women to staff a line for male fetishists. a lot of calls are from perverted males and e male volunteers do not appear to get much support

It's a bit concerning how many women responding on this thread think the woman in the ad is doing something safe.

When I was young, much less than the behaviour of the woman in the ad was taken as flirting on more than one occasion and nearly got me into trouble with men who were not mentally disturbed.

Men don't take kindly to being "led on".

Nearly all the comments on that twitter are encouraging. Everyone can see it for what it is

I asked because obviously it can be different - an elderly man asking after a distressed woman versus a woman striking up a conversation about coffee to a disturbed looking man (re the ad).

I’m so happy for you though that someone did intervene. My son suffered a very worrying depression last year and I was very concerned for his well-being so someone intervening on his behalf would be very welcome (hopefully will never need it 🤞).

@willWillSmithsmith - I'm a woman but I am not sure that's entirely the point I was trying to make, which is that silly mundane distraction is very powerful.

I understand why some women may not feel as if those interventions are safe or they would feel able to make them and that is fine. We can all only do what we are able to do. But I don't think anyone should say such an intervention would be useless or counterproductive. Very small ordinary interventions from ordinary people can be super powerful and I know other similar stories from my old support group from both men and women who have been suicidal.

What a ridiculous and dangerous advert. The Samaritans should be thoroughly ashamed

@NavyKoala thanks for sharing your story

@NavyKoala

Asking about where to get coffee is such a weird thing to have run with. It could so easily be misconstrued (or misheard to want a coffee) by a man not in a good place and already angry with a female partner.

Whoever created that ad certainly has no idea of the lived experience of a lot of women. It's a dangerous ad and should be removed.

I'm not sacrificing myself for some random strange man's mental health - I've got children whose mental health could be irrevocably damaged if I was harmed. I've had too many random men trying to attack me for that. Undermining young women's survival instincts is not good. Yes, contacting the man in the high vis is an appropriate reaction - as an employee it's much easier and more natural for him to approach anyway.

And asking about coffee? Yes, a very hard no. Makes me think the people creating the ad are fucking idiots, to be honest.

I’m sorry to hear that and pleased to hear you got treatment. Are you male or female if it’s not rude to ask?

Men are not emotionally blackmailed in adverts as a rule.

Yeah it’s not unheard of men who commit suicide to be filled with rage at women.

My friends estranged husband tried to boot the door in and physically attack her a couple of hours before he went to his work studio and (sadly) hung himself.

For so many reasons it’s really best they encourage men to support each other in this way.

I don't know if I should say this or not (or if MN will take this comment down) but I'm alive right now because of a random person approaching me on a train platform. In my case, I was very unwell and very distressed and an elderly man came up to me to ask for directions in a slightly clumsy way.

And it just threw me out of the really hyped up state I was in - it was just very mundane and ordinary and that was far more effective than anyone making a fuss or someone in uniform approaching me like I'd done something wrong. I sort of tried to answer him, then lost it, burst into tears and ran off and called the Samaritans from a park who persuaded me to call a family member to take me to hospital (where I got admitted to the psych ward). I wonder if my experience/reactions is maybe not that uncommon and that's why the recommendation.