Not allowed to have GC views at home by so-called “DH “ - so left ! Hand hold please ….

I have sympathy with your situation. I have an adult son - 30 years old, who is still at home, who has Asperger's. Like you suggest of your daughter, he is naive and vulnerable in certain ways - though is also adult enough now to make his own decisions.

During the lockdown he developed mental health issues and it ended with him giving up his job in acrimonious circumstances.. He has also taken against me, and has barely spoken to me for three years; ignores Mother's Day; my birthday.......has savings but no longer contributes towards household expenses.

Also, as with you my husband takes a non confrontational approach ( he also has asperger's) and rarely recognises how difficult the whole sistuation is for me. He just carries on a 'normal' relationship with our son ( We also have two other, older adult children who have long left home). I feel I have to aborb all of this on my own and just deal with it on the basis that I have greater emotional resillience than my son, and on the basis that I don't want to contribute to a relapse in his mental health ( he has felt suicidal before).

Finally though this year we have seen some improvement and he is going off to live on an eco community in Italy for three months, before studying for a degree in Wiildlife Conservation in another part of the country, in September.

It has taken him a lot longer to grow up and sever the umbilical cord than my other children, and I think his treatment of me is connected to his struggle to do that. It has also been very difficult for me to watch him make his own mistakes, and find his own way.

How old is your daughter, and what are the typical manifestations and traits of her autism?

I note you said adult daughter. There is really nothing you can do now about her choices. Maybe your husband realises this too and is just taking a more neutral stance. I’m not sure how bombarding him with detransitioning stuff as has been suggested will help. If she is over 18, she can make her own choices.

Please don't lock the doors, no matter how much you want to protect her. I can tell you from personal experience that doing so will make it worse. My teenage child had a meltdown, I was scared for them if they left the house, so I locked the door and sat in front of it. Just made them angrier.

How old is she?

I’m sorry this is happening, OP. Transgender Trend (there is a website) also has some excellent resources and ways to negotiate this very difficult situation.

Reading the "Time to Think" book (well I listened to the audiobook) about the history of the Tavistock was very compelling. If he'd be open to reading something on the subject.

I think it really demolishes the idea that even if we were mortals can't understand GI then at least the "experts" know how to tell if someone is really "trans" or not, and that there is some sort of safeguarding.

You’re not on your own or going mad there are a lot of other parents out there https://www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/ really helped and supported me with resources and others to talk to. It’s free and worth joining

It could be that he is scared that expressing GC views will push your daughter further away. Which is understandable though I agree with you that leaves her with only the dangerous side of the argument.

What's more concerning than him having a different view is that he seems to have assigned himself as having the casting vote or veto, and that you don't seem to have enough of a voice in your relationship to be able to discuss it as equals and hear each others point of view.

When you're ready I would approach him from the angle of you both wanting the best for DD and trying to agree a strategy you can both live with going forward. There should be room for differing, even opposing, views in a healthy relationship, it's all about how you communicate. That said I agree that his 'path of least resistance' stance is dangerous and I would definitely be opening his eyes to the possible outcomes, he needs to know exactly what horrors you're trying to protect DD from.

Ditto.

I just wanted to comment with some support. I've got no practical advice but sending some strength your way xx

I am not sure that sending him a slew of videos is the best approach.

What you really need to do, IMO, is for the two of you to talk really openly about what you are thinking about this.

I think it will help a lot if you are able to articulate your fears and concerns to him in a fairly simple way.

But also, remember that he is not very likely trying to put your daughter in harms way. He is coming from a place where he likely has different information that you do, and he may have other worries, see other risks. There is a good chance he is also scared about bad things happening to her.

If I were to guess his worries may be around things like self-harm, he may be more unsure about what's really at the root of the problem so more worried about it being truly about gender identity, he has likely heard all the rhetoric about self-harm. He also may be really worried that if you guys push on this, she might cut you off.

So to me, you both need, in a calm way (hard I know!) to talk about what you think is really going on and the dangers.

A well chosen examlpe or film is a great idea as part of that, maybe while you atr talking to show him where you are coming from, but not a load of articles and links, it's too overwhelming and may feel like scaremongering.

Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate, OP. I'm really sorry.

I hope you get a good rest and a break, and are refreshed tomorrow.

I understand that you are very worried about your daughter, and your relationship.
But I hope you are able to also give yourself some time, space, and consideration.

“Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject.”

John Stuart Mill

Hi Op, some good advice for you to consider here.
Good to step back and have some space.
I hope you get a great night's sleep and feel stronger in the morning.

I am not sure I have anything useful to say but wanted to let you know that you taking a breather is really good.

If gives you a bit of space and time to be yourself.

And hopefully it will make your DH start to think about how his behaviour is impacting on you.

Do you have any friends or relatives you can talk to who will be supportive of your concerns about your DD?

I hope your hotel stay is calm and comforting.

Sorry that you're having a such a tough time.
In my opinion you and your husband need to sit down and talk it through. Work out a stance that accomodates both of you. Agree it and then present it as a united front. While you two are in conflict you won't be able to help your daughter and be there for her when she needs you both.
I hope things work out for all three of you.

Yes nominative determinism at it finest there.

Another really sad one to show your husband.

This young woman thought she was trans and had a double mascetomy.
The photos are of her bottle feeding her newborn and crying because she couldn't even try breastfeeding.
twitter.com/DaisyIsNotHere/status/1756510498009276896?t=QUZ-Kol5phXsgkiOhaJoRQ&s=19

Take some time. There's conversations about your relationship with your dh, and there's continuing conversations with your adult daughter. But for now, take some rest, and do the next bit on your schedule.

@HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth

I think you do need a breather from your DH, and the situation, mine is a conflict avoider too. Great dad mind you.

it seems from what you say that this has been going on for some time and DH has stifled your concerns and made you hold back.

all i can think to say is re group yourself, put your big tiger mother pants on and stop being conflict avoidant.

Genspect is the place you may want to start. Have a look at the web site tonight and chose a video that you feel you can get your daughter to watch with you, you know her, and where she is at.