Not allowed to have GC views at home by so-called “DH “ - so left ! Hand hold please ….

OP, I saw this n a thread here not long ago. I wonder if it might help.

“Autism, Puberty, Gender Dysphoria. View from an Autistic Desisted Woman”

https://4w.pub/autism-puberty-gender-dysphoria-view-from-an-autistic-desisted-woman/

Here is a general overview from Transgender Trend
https://www.transgendertrend.com/autism-gender-identity-introduction/

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, and for how your daughter has got sucked in by TRA.

Hi OP

Hope you are doing okay. And hope that fact that some poster's seem to think your husband's mental health should take priority over yours.

Is there someone who could act as an intermediary so that he can recognise that his behaviour is silencing you.

If he is worried that somehow him listening to you would make your DD think he too is the "enemy" then could he at least agree that the two of you could take take out away from home and talk about your concerns. Hopefully he is as concerned about your as about her.

Anyhow, just really posting to say I hope your hotel break gave you a chance to re-charge your batteries.

Sounds like he might be the sort of person who doesn't express feelings easily or openly, and cannot talk about conflicts in a relationship. People who try to avoid conflict at all costs are often unable to openly discuss those conflicts.

I have also wondered whether he too may be on the autistic spectrum ( it is often an inherited condition) Sounds like my husband.

That is what it might look like on the surface to a stranger; but only the OP knows the temeperature and nature of her marital relationship and the stresses she feels under. She must have felt at crisis point to have done such a thing.

A very unempathic post.

The OP is dealing with what must feel like a marital crisis that have been triggered by a perceived deep lack of support from her husband over her great alarm for her daughter.

I find Gender:A Wider Lens podcast very informative and helpful. It is designed to empower parents just like yourselves.

What did you exclaim?

I do think there is a careful line between supporting your daughter to the extent it encourages her to transition, and the opposite which alienated her and pushes her to extremes.

Your husband sounds caught in the middle of it.

I don't think that removing yourself from a situation so that you can calm down and think clearly is "stropping off".

Why isn't he allowed to express his feelings ? Shes affecting his mental health. Its ok for him to tell her or do you think he should put up and shut up?

I am sure in any OP there are bits some of us might disagree with, but surely if you are reply to someone, and presuming to lecture them, you should at least read the whole message.

So I exclaimed something and was immediately silenced. He says it’s affecting his mental health .

I couldn’t stand it any longer, not being allowed to say anything, being stifled, any views I have pushed to the side lest they upset someone .

Or is it now acceptable on FWR to imply that women shouldn't have their own opinions, let alone be so presumptive as to think they have a right to articulate them, when (as explained in the OP) you have been silenced and guilt tripped.

Why is it the woman who is supposed to accommodate the male.

Why isn't the man expected to make the effort.

With Autism so usually less emotionally developed

It’s so tricky because you need to support your child.
You need to sit down and have an honest conversation about this with your DH.

You are dealing with a hormonal teenager
OP has said that the 'hormonal teenager' is in her late twenties.

100% this.

Personally in our household we operate under the principle that we don’t all have to have the same views on everything, but we do all have to be respectful of one another’s views.

I must admit, I think stropping off to a hotel over a work email your husband has sent is a bit ridiculous. If nothing else you have no idea what his workplace is like and if it’s something to do with his email signature then it may be something they have been asked/told to include across the board.

Your only way forward is open communication but for that to be possible it does have to go both ways, which means you expressing your views, your daughter expressing hers, and your husband expressing his. You can’t just storm out when somebody disagrees with you.

You have had an extreme reaction to this I have to say. Why are you in a hotel?

He agrees with you a lot of the time and it seems he's having a gentler approach. Which is better when dealing with teenagers and rebellion. If you are forceful with your opinions then you are likely to tip the balance the otherway

He is entitled to his views as much as you are entitled yours and daughter is entitled to hers.

You are dealing with a hormonal teenager and you've stropped off to a hotel which is unhelpful

Oh God yes I meant would not help!!!! Sorry.

Surely you mean would NOT help

I took her to mean that the conversation would include your daughter clearly talking about how she feels these interventions would help.

it's probably important that she feels you have listened to her, but also, it's the only way she is likely to begin to see if there are inadequacies in her thinking.

Sometimes, rather than convincing the other person, it's a better approach to help them think things through themselves.

How are you this morning, OP?

My DD (15, newly diagnosed) and DH are autistic. DD hasn't shown any behaviour questioning her GI but she's very unhappy in her life a the moment. I'm shitting myself that if she reaches out for help she might inadvertently find resources that convince her it's all to do with the fact that she's a girl. I want her to be able to find support online but it's so frightening (the complete opposite of what it should be).

I'm very GC and can't really voice it at home as DH can't bear the conversation. His opinion is that I'm right (you can't change sex, men shouldn't be in women's sports etc), but that we have enough struggles at home already without me banging on about something that doesn't affect us. He can't see the insidious side of it (TRA/Stonewall capturing organisations) so doesn't see it as a threat. I think it's hugely to do with the way his autistic brain operates.

I feel for you at the moment, I don't have much advice but like a PP's suggestion about a rational conversation (how taking hormones/having surgery would actually help) with both of them is possibly the way to go. Wishing you luck and sending love xxxxx

I don’t know if this is of use, but I found it helpful in explaining to friends, as she is very articulate and I get tongue tied and confused.

Here is one of many similar descriptions about the effects of testosterone on female bodies

Are you and your DH your daughter's carers or does she just live with you?
If she just lives with you then surely it's her choice as an adult what she does (however inappropriate you perceive it to be).

I can see his point to be honest and I say that as a GC person. He’s probably worried about driving her away. She’s in her late 20s, regardless of her autism if she has capacity you can’t be locking her in the house and I’d be careful of what you say/how you say it to avoid alienating her.

im sorry. It’s shit and I’m sure you’re worried

I found myself in a similar position, but with Social Services. I had a very long night during which I decided that I had to be true to myself, and not agree with actions I thought were harmful, or cheerlead on the nonsense. Somehow, all the tension went out of me, I didn't then feel I had to persuade anyone . I tried to do active listening with the teen in question, so when they said they were upset by transphobia, I’d ask them to tell me what exactly had happened, when they said they were the other gender, I’d ask what they meant. If their answers were nonsense, I’d try to hide my incredulity, but I do have a speaking face.Truly, once I stopped arguing, but responded honestly to them, I think they could hear how ridiculous and irrational it all was. As your daughter has another parent , once the tension goes out of your responses, she may prefer to seek validation from him. Once he is the person having plans for dangerous hormones or mastectomies shared, he may come to his own awakening.