Utopia - Thoughtful points.
Hayton is recognised by an in-group as a friend and it feels like there is a concordance of minds and an alignment of desired outcomes. There are friendship ties that lead to the use of courtesy pronouns despite the polite social fiction that DH claims to be receptive to sex-based pronouns. The in-group have high profile media access and platforms. There tends to be an informal crossover of their use of courtesy pronouns in their private exchanges with public use.
Social psychologists such as Cialdini explain these phenomena well. And Solzhenitsyn offers a relevant perspective in Live not by lies. I would also wonder if empathy bias towards friends can lead us not only to resist those who we perceive to be criticising a friend (shades of acting as flying monkeys for narcissists or rescuers in TA persecution triangles) but overlooking the valid concerns of people outside that friendship or empathy circle. It's playing out more widely here because of the crossover of the personal and public sphere. It's unfortunate that the sphere has consequences in that it frames discussions and outcomes for others in a wide range of areas and services like healthcare, education, prisons. Helen Joyce has frequently observed that most captured workplaces have a person with a family member who has trans status. How many MPs have spoken of a constituent whose story moved them to overlook the consequences for others?
However, mounting evidence has shown that people's empathy is often biased toward (i.e., felt more strongly for) others that they are close or similar to, igniting a debate over whether empathy is inherently morally flawed and should be abandoned in efforts to strive toward greater equity.
Fowler Z, Law KF, Gaesser B. Against Empathy Bias: The Moral Value of Equitable Empathy. Psychol Sci. 2021 May;32(5):766-779. doi: 10.1177/0956797620979965. Epub 2021 Apr 28. PMID: 33909983.
Cameron CD, Conway P, Scheffer JA. Empathy regulation, prosociality, and moral judgment. Curr Opin Psychol. 2022 Apr;44:188-195. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.09.011. Epub 2021 Sep 21. PMID: 34695643.