What would you do? Re school staff member and colleague calling himself 'miss'

If the pupils call him 'Teacher'and you introduce him as you suggest, so no one lies, no one's speech/belief is coerced, no one can complaint about misgendering/ correct sexing - ie no'one's rights are impacted- that would seem to be a middle ground..

Safeguarding comes before validating a teacher's fantasy. If staff refer to a male as a female, you are gaslighting children and putting them at increased risk of abuse. It also causes immense distress to children of transitioners (CoTs) in the school, and other survivors of male abuse. Cots wrote about what they need in school here https://childrenoftransitioners.org/2021/02/27/how-to-help-children-of-transitioners/
but they got a lot of abuse for speaking up, so most are silent in school. https://childrenoftransitioners.org/2021/09/25/not-shutting-up/

Bullying of children who recognise reality increases when adults make counterfactual statements.https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/girl-18-driven-out-of-school-for-questioning-transgender-ideology/
The Amy/ Andrew Miller abuse case is another case in point- the little girl got into her abuser's car as she had been taught 'transwomen are women' so are as safe as women- as you are under pressure to do here, so it's a direct safeguarding risk. https://reduxx.info/scotland-transgender-butcher-pleads-guilty-to-abducting-and-sexually-abusing-schoolgirl/

But to be honest Op, I understand why you might lie to the pupils - you have to keep your job to feed your children. Is there any safeguarding/ welfare officer lead you could approach to raise concerns?

Is he aware of your views? Is he likely to notice and then complain if you don't use Miss in front of him? If he starts wearing a dress, the kids will soon notice even if they don't see much of him.

Seems like an area of employment law crying out for clarification … IANAL but I guess this could go either way in court?

I’m also assuming this person doesn’t have a GRC, so is legally a man. I would get written instructions from your superiors, asking them directly what will happen in a range of hypothetical scenarios, but the problem is your superiors will probably consult somebody else who might not understand the conflict of rights and safeguarding issue.

And yes, it sounds as if this person has been pushing boundaries, little by little, and is strategically using bonds of friendship to get what he wants. Personally, I’ve become quite wary of such manipulation, it is a bit of a red flag to me. It’s also just distracting in the work place.

Here I'd switch to referring to them by job title and surname. So assuming they're a teaching assistant, then they'd become "TA Jones", or "Assistant Jones". I'd be directing the students to "Form B's Assistant Jones" or similar.

It's clunky, but factual and politely distant. And it's defensible if they or others kick off with accusations of transphobia. You're not being insulting or misgendering, but neither are you being forced to lie against your own lawfully held beliefs.

No, it is not 'as simple as that'. Stonewall law is not the actual law. This workplace is full of children. Children take precedence. Children should not be lied to, or forced to lie, because it's what an adult wants. The transperson is the one who will 'need to get over it', his wants do not and should not trump children's rights - see the previously quoted KCSIE.

This is lie. Compelled speech is an abuse of your human rights. If you insist on calling him 'he' then I think you will have problems but if you avoid all pronouns and use their name I can't see how they can touch you. You do not need to use their pronouns.

In a work setting, if you don’t respect the persons name and pronouns, and you do it persistently and intentionally you’ll eventually lose your job. It’s as simple as that. The employer would be at risk of discrimination claims if they didn’t address the behaviour. Even if you find it difficult, you’ll need to get over it if you want to stay employed.

That shouldn't be allowed because he would be using his position as teacher to compel children to accept his ideology. He"s a man and should be addressed as such.

Sounds like what you're saying is it's "transphobic" to be truthful. And as we all know that being a dishonest liar is wrong, this implies that "transphobia" must be good and honest and wholesome.

Sounds alright to me.

@nothingcomestonothing I agree safeguarding and other risks also need to be considered. That is why a direct management instruction is needed.

Is there any way that the school might consider making the move from using Sir/Miss to using teachers' first names generally, or in classes where the staff themselves were comfortable with it? There are schools where first names are the norm for everyone and it might make it easier.

I've just finished reading the 'Immersed in a fiction' chapter in Kathleen Stock's book 'Material Girls - Why Reality Matters for Feminism' (2021). She wrestles with how to manage the pronoun situation and doesn't get much further than the discussion on this thread but she does make the point that for trans people 'having your preferred pronouns or other sex-incongruent terms uses by others is a courtesy on their part and not a right on yours'.

Nope. The children are meant to come first. They are not there to validate adults. This is ultimately not about balancing the rights and beliefs of the adults, the needs of the children should take precedence. It's depressing that that has to be pointed out to OPs employer and colleague.

@Icantpeopleanymore I really feel for you as in a work situation you are subject to legislation, case law and employer policies.

Using they/them is a pragmatic solution to not using sex based pronouns.

The title Mr or Miss is complex. It is not transphobic to use Mr but in work it may be considered discriminatory (gender reassignment PC) or a breach of policy.

A lot will depend on what is written in your employer’s staff handbook, conduct, dignity at work or bullying & harassment policies as they may require you to use Miss or possibly Mx ( not got a clue how to pronounce it)

I agree with pp talk to ACAS and your TU rep but also check your employers staff hand book and policies. You will then need to talk to your manager or HT and ask for guidance.

GC beliefs are protected but so is gender reassignment. They are equal and in this situation you may find it is a direct management instruction that determines the way forward.

Is there any other part of school life where staff are expected to breach KCSIE? Aren't they supposed to be trained on NOT doing that each year?

Makes you wonder what other safeguarding breaches are happening.

Just highlighting this:

direct breach of keeping children safe in education where it explicitly states it's emotional abuse for a child to be used purely for the validation of someone else, particularly if it requires them to state something they don't believe to be true or is something that is developmentally inappropriate for them

The school leadership need to take responsibility for what they are allowing. It's not ok for schools to require children to lie because it's what an adult wants.

depending on how and when it comes up, could you say to the students
'Mr Brown now wishes to be known as Miss Brown, please try to remember this'

and if any of then ask why etc

'You will have to ask Miss Brown about that'

It's a safeguarding nightmare and in direct breach of keeping children safe in education where it explicitly states it's emotional abuse for a child to be used purely for the validation of someone else, particularly if it requires them to state something they don't believe to be true or is something that is developmentally inappropriate for them (e.g. from the sounds of it this will be true for at least some of the autistic children).

It's emotional abuse.

And it's a safeguarding red flag to tell children that what an adult wants is more important than telling the truth i.e. they should lie if an adult tells them to.

I still think if this person says their name is now Miss X then you have to go along with it really. You wouldn't challenge someone who called themselves Miss if you knew they were married? Or would you?

ACAS are captured by genderwoo, as are the unions, so I'd advise caution in expecting any help on this topic from either.

Your SLT might try to side step this, but sooner or later they are going to have to take the bull by the horns. Your colleague is in effect trying to impose his beliefs on you and worse, on the children. You might need to screw up your courage and ask, e.g. What are staff meant to say when students say 'that's Mr x why are you calling him miss x' or 'has Mr x become a woman'? Actual concrete examples of what you are worrying about. Are they asking you to gaslight the students in order to prop up the staff member's wishes, or what? They will squirm (if they are anything like the NHS management I've had to deal with) but if you ask about specific scenarios they'll have to give you an answer and then at least you'll know if they are going to prioritise this staff member, or the children.

The very definition of gaslighting.