Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why is Mumsnet so GC?

834 replies

ireallycantthinkofaname · 03/02/2024 00:18

Maybe an odd question but I've never come across another space, online or otherwise, where being GC is the norm. IRL I only ever discuss GC views openly with one family member, whose stance on it is similar to my own, though, so I'm not saying it's unwelcome.... Just curious how/why it's come about. Any thoughts or theories?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
70
RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 18:47

Merrymouse · 21/02/2024 18:21

You say you have been posting on Mumsnet for 3 years, but apparently you also claim to be completely unaware of the mechanics and consequences of human reproduction?

Edited

Wtf is on the GCSE biology sylibus in 2024?

This nonsense really needs to stop. It's pseudo science drivel.

Sex is binary. It's always been binary and continues to be binary.

And it's the reproductive value of women and the sexual bits of women that's the main issue for women in terms of oppression.

Which has been said on this thread multiple times and ignored and ignored and ignored.

We have women and girls sold into the sexual slavery of marriage in 2024 and some dickhead has the audacity to come along and say 'what about meeeeeee? Sex is made up and contested.'

It's just so fucking offensive and privileged.

DeanElderberry · 21/02/2024 18:40

I absolutely categorise by biological sex. I understand that human beings are more varied and individual than eg cattle, so predicted behavior isn't straightforwardly cow versus bull, but males are male and females are female.

Merrymouse · 21/02/2024 18:21

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 17:14

I'm sure I said this before at length on a thread about three years ago, but to save searching for it.

I think there are situations where our historical legal definition-space chafes against a steadily improving understanding of the wider range of ways there are to be a human.

Existing laws were drafted, debated and enacted within the cultural context of the time. It's clear that wider cultural changes have highlighted the fragile house of cards that much of historical equality legislation is built upon; we built laws that used a definition of 'sex' to mean something that was rarely publicly contested and nowadays is a great deal more so.

When we exist in public, we don't actually in practice categorise by (the massive oversimplification that comes under the heading of 'genetic') sex. We categorise by gender expression, which is a chaotic and vague mess of different factors and stereotypes. If a person looks 'male or female enough' to assign them a category one way or the other then, because we have been trained from birth to see humans as only one pole or another on a range of expressions, we do so.

This approach of hammering every person into a 'male' or 'female' hole is increasingly revealing itself to be woefully inadequate - not just ideologically, but practically. It feels like stumbling across a vast quarry in a previously flat landscape - even if you fill the quarry back in, it will take a long time for the ecosystem to stabilise and it will never be quite the same again. We can't just return to a 'binary' world - because it was always a strained fiction to begin with.

The law does not dictate material reality but it can be a useful tool for guiding behaviours and creating a general sense of the kind of society we wish to have. The GRA is shit concessionary legislation, but it's a hell of a lot better than no legislation because it clearly says that we take at least some trans people seriously enough to protect them. The Equality Act, meanwhile, is pretty good - binary sex-based provisions are increasingly conceptually strained but they are in some cases necessary, and the inclusion of the phrase 'proportional means of achieving a legitimate aim' was very carefully and wisely chosen.

Can we do better? Absolutely. Is there a desperate need for frank honesty in culture-wide discussions around safeguarding and single-sex facilities and how we transition from one shit solution to a slightly less shit one? Absolutely. Am I confident that it will be possible to have these discussions in any meaningful way while they are a charged electorial issue? Not really.

You say you have been posting on Mumsnet for 3 years, but apparently you also claim to be completely unaware of the mechanics and consequences of human reproduction?

Crankywiddershins · 21/02/2024 18:21

"range of ways there are to be a human."
There's really only one way to be a human, and it's very simple. You just have to be born homosapien.

"we built laws that used a definition of 'sex' to mean something that was rarely publicly contested and nowadays is a great deal more so."
Contested yes, but only by reality denialists, and still entirely correct.

"When we exist in public, we don't actually in practice categorise by (the massive oversimplification that comes under the heading of 'genetic') sex. We categorise by gender expression, which is a chaotic and vague mess of different factors and stereotypes. If a person looks 'male or female enough' to assign them a category one way or the other then, because we have been trained from birth to see humans as only one pole or another on a range of expressions, we do so."
Once again you highlight your maleness by entirely ignoring that women DO categorise by sex, instinctively and with overwhelming accuracy.

"hammering every person into a 'male' or 'female' hole"
You seem to have a fixation on hammering and holes.

"It feels like stumbling across a vast quarry in a previously flat landscape - even if you fill the quarry back in, it will take a long time for the ecosystem to stabilise and it will never be quite the same again. We can't just return to a 'binary' world - because it was always a strained fiction to begin with."
The only fiction that's strained around here is your post apocalyptic, dystopian narrative. And we don't need to return to a binary world because we never left it. You pretending that nature is not binary (with very few exceptions, hello clownfish) has never changed that fact. And never will.

"The law does not dictate material reality" well here's something we agree on. Has material reality changed in regards to nature being binary? I think not but I'm interested to know what you think.

"Can we do better? Absolutely. Is there a desperate need for frank honesty in culture-wide discussions around safeguarding and single-sex facilities"
I agree. Bring it on! But expect both to be robustly defended, exactly as they are or for stronger measures.

"Am I confident that it will be possible to have these discussions in any meaningful way while they are a charged electorial issue? Not really."
What could you personally, as an individual do to help defuse this politically charged issue? I'm asking you because you raised it, but I think it's something all of us could consider, as ultimately no one is enjoying the current state of affairs.

Waitwhat23 · 21/02/2024 18:12

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/thesaurus/bilge

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/02/2024 18:08

We can't just return to a 'binary' world - because it was always a strained fiction to begin with."

We've never left a "binary world". Just because some people pretend it doesn't exist, doesn't mean that it isn't real.

You ignore biological truth at your peril.

Helleofabore · 21/02/2024 18:02

"When we exist in public, we don't actually in practice categorise by (the massive oversimplification that comes under the heading of 'genetic') sex. We categorise by gender expression, which is a chaotic and vague mess of different factors and stereotypes. If a person looks 'male or female enough' to assign them a category one way or the other then, because we have been trained from birth to see humans as only one pole or another on a range of expressions, we do so."

What planet is this on?

People reliably can discern male people, however they are dressed.

However, it is irrelevant how someone 'perceives' you. If you are male, you need to stay out of female single sex spaces, not take opportunities that have been set aside for female people due to the oppression of female people for more than one millennia and you should not use the language that female people need for themselves. It really isn't that hard.

You made a decision to modify your body, however, that is not the issue for female people to resolve. YOU made that decision and you need to respect that female people have needs and you are causing female people harm with your decisions.

"This approach of hammering every person into a 'male' or 'female' hole is increasingly revealing itself to be woefully inadequate - not just ideologically, but practically. It feels like stumbling across a vast quarry in a previously flat landscape - even if you fill the quarry back in, it will take a long time for the ecosystem to stabilise and it will never be quite the same again. We can't just return to a 'binary' world - because it was always a strained fiction to begin with."

No. Again, you and some others have made this issue for yourselves, however the rest of the world in general doesn't share your belief that you have become anything other than a male who has modified their body and has tried to live according to their belief.

This "it will take a long time for the ecosystem to stabilise' is a false impediment that you are trying to now force others to also believe. No. It can be very easily fixed. Male people respect female people. It is that fucking simple. Stop forcing us to accept you into female single sex spaces, stop trying to force anyone to accept that you are a 'woman' because of your belief and stope trying to use our language for your self.

Binary was not a strained fiction. This is 'fiction' on your part. There are only two sexes with a huge amount of body variation. It doesn't stop any person from acknowledging their sex though.

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 17:42

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 17:14

I'm sure I said this before at length on a thread about three years ago, but to save searching for it.

I think there are situations where our historical legal definition-space chafes against a steadily improving understanding of the wider range of ways there are to be a human.

Existing laws were drafted, debated and enacted within the cultural context of the time. It's clear that wider cultural changes have highlighted the fragile house of cards that much of historical equality legislation is built upon; we built laws that used a definition of 'sex' to mean something that was rarely publicly contested and nowadays is a great deal more so.

When we exist in public, we don't actually in practice categorise by (the massive oversimplification that comes under the heading of 'genetic') sex. We categorise by gender expression, which is a chaotic and vague mess of different factors and stereotypes. If a person looks 'male or female enough' to assign them a category one way or the other then, because we have been trained from birth to see humans as only one pole or another on a range of expressions, we do so.

This approach of hammering every person into a 'male' or 'female' hole is increasingly revealing itself to be woefully inadequate - not just ideologically, but practically. It feels like stumbling across a vast quarry in a previously flat landscape - even if you fill the quarry back in, it will take a long time for the ecosystem to stabilise and it will never be quite the same again. We can't just return to a 'binary' world - because it was always a strained fiction to begin with.

The law does not dictate material reality but it can be a useful tool for guiding behaviours and creating a general sense of the kind of society we wish to have. The GRA is shit concessionary legislation, but it's a hell of a lot better than no legislation because it clearly says that we take at least some trans people seriously enough to protect them. The Equality Act, meanwhile, is pretty good - binary sex-based provisions are increasingly conceptually strained but they are in some cases necessary, and the inclusion of the phrase 'proportional means of achieving a legitimate aim' was very carefully and wisely chosen.

Can we do better? Absolutely. Is there a desperate need for frank honesty in culture-wide discussions around safeguarding and single-sex facilities and how we transition from one shit solution to a slightly less shit one? Absolutely. Am I confident that it will be possible to have these discussions in any meaningful way while they are a charged electorial issue? Not really.

You put something on three years ago.

Woot.

I've put plenty on here before. The arrogance of that is off the fucking scale.

The absolute state of the rest of your comments doesn't need much more addressing.

Sex is not a cultural issue that has a changing definition.

You've still not said how we keep sex based rights if we replace sex with gender based on an indefinable feeling.

And youve still not touch on the subject of conflict of rights.

All we have is this hierarchy rather than balancing needs which means third spaces and an acknowledgement that no you aren't a woman, you are a man who doesn't like gender stereotypes and has gone to extremes to try and avoid them.

So yes we can do better, but it won't happen until you properly acknowledge that women's harms are more to do with sex first whilst yours are about gender stereotypes first and as such are completely different and should be different in law and not lumped in together in this utter mess.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/02/2024 17:40

When we exist in public, we don't actually in practice categorise by (the massive oversimplification that comes under the heading of 'genetic') sex. We categorise by gender expression, which is a chaotic and vague mess of different factors and stereotypes

'We'? Speak for yourself but don't speak for us! We do categorise by biological sex. 'Gender expression' is indeed a chaotic vague mess.

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 17:14

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 15:47

Since you are online, are you going to address the point about the need for Sex Based Rights in 2024?

Or are you going to conveniently ignore the subject, AGAIN?

I'm sure I said this before at length on a thread about three years ago, but to save searching for it.

I think there are situations where our historical legal definition-space chafes against a steadily improving understanding of the wider range of ways there are to be a human.

Existing laws were drafted, debated and enacted within the cultural context of the time. It's clear that wider cultural changes have highlighted the fragile house of cards that much of historical equality legislation is built upon; we built laws that used a definition of 'sex' to mean something that was rarely publicly contested and nowadays is a great deal more so.

When we exist in public, we don't actually in practice categorise by (the massive oversimplification that comes under the heading of 'genetic') sex. We categorise by gender expression, which is a chaotic and vague mess of different factors and stereotypes. If a person looks 'male or female enough' to assign them a category one way or the other then, because we have been trained from birth to see humans as only one pole or another on a range of expressions, we do so.

This approach of hammering every person into a 'male' or 'female' hole is increasingly revealing itself to be woefully inadequate - not just ideologically, but practically. It feels like stumbling across a vast quarry in a previously flat landscape - even if you fill the quarry back in, it will take a long time for the ecosystem to stabilise and it will never be quite the same again. We can't just return to a 'binary' world - because it was always a strained fiction to begin with.

The law does not dictate material reality but it can be a useful tool for guiding behaviours and creating a general sense of the kind of society we wish to have. The GRA is shit concessionary legislation, but it's a hell of a lot better than no legislation because it clearly says that we take at least some trans people seriously enough to protect them. The Equality Act, meanwhile, is pretty good - binary sex-based provisions are increasingly conceptually strained but they are in some cases necessary, and the inclusion of the phrase 'proportional means of achieving a legitimate aim' was very carefully and wisely chosen.

Can we do better? Absolutely. Is there a desperate need for frank honesty in culture-wide discussions around safeguarding and single-sex facilities and how we transition from one shit solution to a slightly less shit one? Absolutely. Am I confident that it will be possible to have these discussions in any meaningful way while they are a charged electorial issue? Not really.

Merrymouse · 21/02/2024 17:04

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 16:48

Nobody is saying your aren't at the mercy of gender stereotypes regardless of whether you are male or female.

What we are saying is that still doesn't stop us being a certain sex. And rearranging the deckchairs so that a male person can say they are female to avoid the bullying of not conforming to the gender stereotype of a male, obitating sex based rights and protections in the process ISN'T a solution.

All it does it force anyone who is non conforming into a position where they have to either decide to conform by under going invasive surgery and hormones.

Or we could get rid of the stereotypes.

Misogyny, is something that can come from male or females though - and its about denegrating females to a lower status in society regardless of gender stereotypes.

You act with the entitlement of a male who still can't grasp the need for sex based rights.

And you are STILL reducing use all to gender stereotypes which you claim to despise.

Fuck that.

Also the law already protects people who suffer adverse treatment (E.g anti semitism) just because they are perceived to have a protected characteristic.

It doesn’t mean that they could claim to have that protected characteristic for all other purposes, or that people who actually have the characteristic don’t need specific rights.

ArabellaScott · 21/02/2024 17:02

More with the forced teaming.

No, thank you.

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 16:48

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 16:34

Both. Firstly brutalised throughout my childhood for daring not to conform to male stereotypes, then when it was clear that this wasn't just 'an odd boy' and there was something more going on it became both, often from ostensibly sympathetic people ("It's a beautiful story but girls don't really write science fiction" oh fuck off) and then from my mid-teens onward once it started becoming hard to pass as male we crossed over fully into the female ones which continued through university (I'll never forget looking along the row at the three other women in my first year undergrad course lectures as we all huddled together for protection from the horde of men) and through into the workplace where it's the same bullshit everyone on this forum is painfully aware of.

You don't become exempted from stereotypical gendered expectations either side of the perceptive divide. You already know we're deemed worthy of extra censure for being a gender non-conforming woman on top of the baseline contempt from the patriarchy for being a gender conforming woman; if you're a trans woman and people perceive you as female then that doesn't magically not happen.

Nobody is saying your aren't at the mercy of gender stereotypes regardless of whether you are male or female.

What we are saying is that still doesn't stop us being a certain sex. And rearranging the deckchairs so that a male person can say they are female to avoid the bullying of not conforming to the gender stereotype of a male, obitating sex based rights and protections in the process ISN'T a solution.

All it does it force anyone who is non conforming into a position where they have to either decide to conform by under going invasive surgery and hormones.

Or we could get rid of the stereotypes.

Misogyny, is something that can come from male or females though - and its about denegrating females to a lower status in society regardless of gender stereotypes.

You act with the entitlement of a male who still can't grasp the need for sex based rights.

And you are STILL reducing use all to gender stereotypes which you claim to despise.

Fuck that.

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 16:34

Girlontherailreplacementbusservice · 21/02/2024 15:39

@ButterflyHatched
You have stated before that you transitioned young and 100% 'pass' so much so that almost no-one knows you are trans and everyone you have met for the last X years thinks you are a woman.
Now you have stated that you have faced nearly 4 decades of people trying to force you to adhere gender stereotypes.
Could you confirm if it is male stereotypes or females stereotypes that people have tried to force you into conforming to.

Both. Firstly brutalised throughout my childhood for daring not to conform to male stereotypes, then when it was clear that this wasn't just 'an odd boy' and there was something more going on it became both, often from ostensibly sympathetic people ("It's a beautiful story but girls don't really write science fiction" oh fuck off) and then from my mid-teens onward once it started becoming hard to pass as male we crossed over fully into the female ones which continued through university (I'll never forget looking along the row at the three other women in my first year undergrad course lectures as we all huddled together for protection from the horde of men) and through into the workplace where it's the same bullshit everyone on this forum is painfully aware of.

You don't become exempted from stereotypical gendered expectations either side of the perceptive divide. You already know we're deemed worthy of extra censure for being a gender non-conforming woman on top of the baseline contempt from the patriarchy for being a gender conforming woman; if you're a trans woman and people perceive you as female then that doesn't magically not happen.

Emotionalsupportviper · 21/02/2024 16:33

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 08:49

If validation were viewed like a drug and it's about chasing that high it would make sense too.

Agree - but bearing in mind that drug addicts need more and more of the "substance" to achieve the same high, it's terrifying to think where they would go next if they manage to succeed re: the validation.

Helleofabore · 21/02/2024 15:51

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 15:44

If you are saying that the awkward and frankly bizarre initial attempts to describe gender dysphoria within modern western medicine can't help but have been heavily influenced by all the key actors being privileged white men existing within the godawful context of the 20th century then I completely agree.

Excellent.

Then you at least have some indication that women were never considered when these male doctors told other men that they should just use women's words and use women's spaces. And play in women's sports.

And here you are continuing that gross misogyny telling us that you will continue that disrespect to women. You use our words and our spaces and try to shame us when we disagree and reject your usage.

At least you are not deny that you have some basic understanding of the origins of this.

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 15:47

Since you are online, are you going to address the point about the need for Sex Based Rights in 2024?

Or are you going to conveniently ignore the subject, AGAIN?

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 15:44

Helleofabore · 21/02/2024 15:35

No, more like Magnus Hirschfield and Elmer Belt. Do you have problems with history that doesn't centre yourself or your own history? Have you sought help for that?

If you are saying that the awkward and frankly bizarre initial attempts to describe gender dysphoria within modern western medicine can't help but have been heavily influenced by all the key actors being privileged white men existing within the godawful context of the 20th century then I completely agree.

Girlontherailreplacementbusservice · 21/02/2024 15:39

@ButterflyHatched
You have stated before that you transitioned young and 100% 'pass' so much so that almost no-one knows you are trans and everyone you have met for the last X years thinks you are a woman.
Now you have stated that you have faced nearly 4 decades of people trying to force you to adhere gender stereotypes.
Could you confirm if it is male stereotypes or females stereotypes that people have tried to force you into conforming to.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/02/2024 15:37

Since when was Bernadette Wren a doctor? She's a clinical psyschologist and (assuming she was trained in the UK) not a doctor at all.

Marci Bowers on the other hand is male, and a gender surgeon, and likes to be considered as female.

Helleofabore · 21/02/2024 15:35

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 15:27

Male doctors like Bernadette Wren and Caroline Brain?

No, more like Magnus Hirschfield and Elmer Belt. Do you have problems with history that doesn't centre yourself or your own history? Have you sought help for that?

ButterflyHatched · 21/02/2024 15:27

Helleofabore · 21/02/2024 09:03

I also think that I used to have sympathy for these male people because someone, either an individual or a support group, actively told them or supported them that these beliefs were some kind of reality, based on a philosophical theory.

After these endless extreme interactions of male posters declaring their new version of reality should be supported by society to be treated as if it was the material reality and to not do so is hate, I don’t feel sympathy anymore. I now suspect that there is some disordered thinking that allowed them to believe this in the first place. This is an understatement in many ways, of course, because I don’t want to be deleted.

It started with male doctors experimenting and telling those first few males that they could take women’s language. It snowballed from there.

Male doctors like Bernadette Wren and Caroline Brain?

RedToothBrush · 21/02/2024 13:11

Datun, there another curious factor.

The rise of the Incel has happened as there has been the explosion of social media.
The rise of Trans Activism has also happened in complete and utter parallel to this.

There is much written about why there has been the rise of the incel and the role and promotion of regressive male stereotypes and negative attitudes to women and feminism.
Trans Activism often looks a lot like males taking on the opposite regressive female stereotypes but retaining those same negative attitudes to women and feminism.

Both take this idea that feminism has gone too far. And the comments about 1979 really really reasonate with me in this context.

Transactivism repeatedly blames women for transphobia, but rarely challenges or takes on men who are very openly and explicitly transphobic. Why?

Here's an article from Vox on incels. This is literally the first article that came up and I clicked on when I did a search on 'the rise of the incels'. I had no idea of what it said. Its defintely worth a read for some thought provoking contextialising:
https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/4/16/18287446/incel-definition-reddit

What it says really has this ring of echoes of transactivism. Even to the point of this nostaglia for the internet of the late 90s and early 2000s and the describing of a high level of self reporting of autism and/or trauma.

I think we have to be very aware that given the parallel rise, it is impossible for us to say that trans activism hasn't been heavily influenced by views that have been driving incels. In fact, it'd almost be surprising if there was no cross pollenation of ideas and views on women and feminism.

We ALREADY know that the internet is heavily skewed to male attitudes to the point that its recognised that AI is basically sexist.

I'll go further with the Trans/Incel comparison: Whats fascinating about trans activism, isn't purely that they want to be treated 'like women' - its more that -they want ACCESS to women. Thats why third spaces aren't acceptable. Its why males can suddenly be lesbians....

There's a hell of a lot here and that article which when you start to process it, is really chilling.

In the context of the rise of the manosphere - something that DIDN'T exist in the late ninties and polling which actively suggests a huge amount of sympathy for the like of Andrew Tate amongst teenagers and men in their early twenties and this centring of sex and pornified ideas of women - the question about sex based rights for women becomes MORE not LESS pernitant.

Why are Sex Based Rights suddenly not important and not needed according to a whole bunch of men?

Butterfly is right. Its not 1979. Its is 2024 and this is the background and context of the world that women have to deal with: upskirting, revenge porn, cyber stalking, cyber harassment and incel terrorism are things the women of 1979 didn't have to deal with but women and girls in 2024 DO have to deal with to name but a few issues.

Remember Bewilderness's Rules of Misogny:

  1. Women are responsible for what men do.
  2. Women saying no to men is a hate crime.
  3. Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.
  4. Women’s opinions are violence against men, thus male violence against women is justified.
  5. Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.
  6. Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breastfeeding babies deserve punishment.
  7. Women should always be grateful to men for everything.
  8. Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.
  9. Men always know the “real reasons” for everything women do and say.
10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad. 11. Whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men. 12. Women’s ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry. 13. Angry women are crazy. Angry men have trouble expressing themselves. 14. Women have all the rights they need: The right to remain silent. 15. Men are the default human. Women are strange subhuman others.

I think on this thread I have spotted at least 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 11, 12, 14 and 15.

Thats pretty damn good going.

Sexism in 2024 is VERY MUCH alive and well. Even if it looks different to how it presented in 1979.

That 1979 comment still has me chuckling away at JUST how ill judged and JUST how much it revealed and how its really so much about how women have to protect themselves in the face of males and why sex still very much matters.

The tone deafness of it, is absoluetely STAGGERING. Not just a little bit blind to the experience of women, but totally and utterly IGNORANT of general current affairs and news curves which anyone who spends a lot of time socialising via the internet REALLY should have on their radar in some form.

ArabellaScott · 21/02/2024 12:54

😶

Datun · 21/02/2024 12:27

ArabellaScott · 21/02/2024 12:16

I'm not sure normal discourse would be possible with that level of delusion.

Um.

Haha! What I mean is, it would be like talking to someone who thought they were Napoleon. Who couldn't get past the fact that you're not addressing them as your majesty (or your imperial highness, or whatever it was!).