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Original poster

Need help to stop my organisation compelling us to use preferred pronouns!

84 replies

Appalonia · 28/11/2023 16:01

I'm a facilitator for an international self development organisation and we have recently been given a code of conduct instructing us to use participants preferred pronouns. I'm absolutely fuming about it! I'm sure this has been done to be ' inclusive' but I really don't think it's been thought through. It's particularly galling as the whole ethos of the work of this organisation is about truth telling. They run trainings to help pp to uncover unconscious beliefs and help pp verify whether they are really true or not. So if a man stood up in a training and said ' I feel like I'm a woman', using this methodology, this belief would be verified as false.

I want to have a conversation with the head of DEI, to discuss why compelling the facilitator s to take on this belief system is potentially so damaging. There's so much great info out there, but I'm looking for an article that is clear and succinct that I can send to them to explain the issues. I think a lot of this has come from America, but I need to at least try and say why I object to this, but I need some compelling facts to do it. Can anyone please help?

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 28/11/2023 16:59

It's polite to use preferred pronouns in the workplace, if people have them. What you can push back against is if your employer insists that people have to announce their own pronouns. It's a personal choice whether to tell other people what pronouns you want them to use, or to let them decide for themselves.

I would not try to go down the rabbit hole of claiming that people are being dishonest if they call themselves "he" when they're female or vice versa. People have all sorts of reasons for doing this nonsense and at work it's nobody else's business why they choose to do it. As for unconscious beliefs, workplaces need to leave those alone. Bring your professional selves to work. Leave the rest at home.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/11/2023 16:58

Can't believe I have to justify this on a feminist forum.

You don't. I agree with you but just because we think that doesn't mean your employer will agree or that it's appropriate to prioritise our comfort in all situations.

And no, I'm not going to identify the organisation

No one asked you to. My point is that you are vague on your context and it would be a very unusual context where your employer would allow you to use sex based pronouns for someone who wanted the opposite.

Original poster
Appalonia · 28/11/2023 16:54

Thanks for the links. I just had a conversation with someone from this org and I asked where this has come from. Surprise surprise, it's a senior trainer that has a ' trans' child! ( who was a lesbian and autistic)... It always seems to be the case. But individual cases do not make good policy!

OP posts:
Saggypants · 28/11/2023 16:44

Those articles are largely about being compelled to declare one's pronouns at work. (Which I'd fight tooth and nail against.)

This is about using, or rather refusing to use others' preferred pronouns in the workplace.

*edited- I read further and found some advice in the first article which reiterates what pp and I posted earlier.

Original poster
Appalonia · 28/11/2023 16:23

It's the principle I object to. Pronouns are the thin end of the wedge, resulting in violent men in women's prisons, women losing out to men in sports, women being referred to as uterus havers, menstruators, the word ' mother ' being taken out of documents relating to maternity, men in women's refuges, single sex wards, men assaulting women in homeless shelters, toilets, a man being the head of a rape crisis centre etc. Can't believe I have to justify this on a feminist forum.

And no, I'm not going to identify the organisation, all in asking for is an article that summarises the issues, as there's so much information out there.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 28/11/2023 16:16

I think you need to provide a little more context:

What sort of self development organisation? Are you an employment training company or more at like a self-help organisation.

Are you a trainer? I think on most types of course customers would react very poorly to their identity being picked apart, even if it's not based on reality.

Like it or not, pronoun people find it rude if others decline their edicts. Personally, in a professional context, I would use those pronouns within earshot of pronoun person.

Saggypants · 28/11/2023 16:16

A man isn't going to stand up in your workshop introductions and say 'I feel like I'm a woman' though is he?

He's going to say something like 'my name is Nancy and my preferred pronouns are she/her'. Those things are facts.

Honestly, I'd do an internal eye roll too but I think you're flogging a dead horse here. You're not going to get anywhere in the corporate world by arguing that you shouldn't address paying customers the way they ask you to.