Egg Donation - Preferences

Think long and hard about it. You can’t specify not for surrogacy, and the risks of OHSS are real - two women have died from this in the U.K.

Surrogacy Concern are currently running a campaign, highlighting that the Scottish Govt egg donor ads don’t show risks or side effects. This is an ethical scandal waiting to break. Your own genetic children would be raised by others, and you might get very ill.

Just want to be sure you’ve seen this image first:

I watched that a while ago, blew my mind.

I think this was a case referenced in the above podcast. It piqued my interest as it is the genetic condition I have.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-19711565

You should watch "our father" on netflix. Horrific!

In a strange way, I am pleased that any thoughts of egg donation by me was stopped at the very first hurdle as I have a genetic condition (1:2 chance) so am immediately ruled out.

I am currently listening to the podcast Donor 9623, about the sperm donation industry in America and how unregulated it is. The man in question lied about not only his medical history but every aspect of his life. I have sympathy for the children, the parents I am struggling with a lot more as it seemed all a bit 'baby on order'.

Maybe egg donation isn't quite the same (less options most likely), it leaves me very conflicted.

It's so nice to hear a positive story.

I don't have any biological children not do I want any. I do have 3 stepkids. I've raised my DSD from a toddler and love her like she's my own.

My DH was abandoned by his biological mum and raised by his grandparents. His adoptive dad was actually his biological mum's stepdad. He has his surname.

Maybe because of my own personal experiences I just think there's more to family than biology.

I don't think of any potential babies born from my donation as mine at all. Of course understand that some people do have that need to know where they came from from a genetic point of view. I'd be happy to meet any genetic offspring in future if they wanted to.

I chose to donate when friends of mine were going through IVF. They didn't need an egg donor but it made me thing of all the women who did. I saw the joy my friends baby gave them after years of trying and I wanted to be able to give someone else the chance of that joy.

They match the recipient to the donor by physical characteristics like race, hair colour, eye colour. At least the company I donated with do.

It was in America though so I could choose the donor and she could decide if she was happy with us.

I have two teenagers from egg donation. I am so grateful to the donors and what they have done for us. We discuss with the children that they wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for the kindness of the donors. They are very happy to be alive and I am so relieved to have had them. From the moment I saw the embryos they were my babies and that hasn’t changed. I’m sure it's not possible for me to love them more.l genetics haven’t affected that. Thankfully there are people like OP.

I think deciding who should be a recipient should include race though, like I don’t think someone should be allowed to carry a child using egg and sperm that doesn’t reflect their own heritage.

There must be a way for you to donate to someone directly, however that would probably involve a lot of admin from you to find 'a match' also you would then have a relationship with that person so it may not be what you/they want too. I think it is a selfless thing and couples are forever grateful for the priceless gift of ED.

Really exploitative industry.

This film is a real eye opener...

I wanted to do this but the risk of OHSS has put me off

Think long and hard about the side effects of the hormones and fertility medication on your body

I started paying attention to the ethics of egg donation when my 15 DD got these ads after researching colleges. It's eugenics when they seek smart, pretty, blonde, green or blue-eyed young white woman, isn't it? In parts of Asia, you can request a specific nationality. Japanese young women are higher prized than Cambodian. OP already has kids, so not the same thing, but trusting that the agencies care about your wellbeing is naive. They give all the rights to the commissioning parents who have all the control. The purchasers can pick the donor, the donor can't pick the families. The agencies take a cut and only care about delivering the product, not the health of the donor.

@FannyCann I did not know they did that! Dodgy and has put me off them.

Altrui target students. This dropped into my daughter's Instagram.
I appreciate why someone might need donated eggs and am happy for mb2512cat leave students alone.

Young women should not be being coached to be kind and generous, sharing their body to the detriment of their own health.

Google altrui egg donation. You get matched with someone you are happy with. I feel exactly the same as you op!

It’s very kind of you to consider this OP but please look very carefully into the potential health implications. I say this as a childless infertile woman who wouldn’t want another woman to put their health on the line for me.

I think it is hard to predict how things turn out. I know someone who was adopted, desperately wanted to meet biological mother. She did and it wasn't what she expected and she cut all contact with her. I know someone else born from sperm donation, went through lots of upset as a teenager and young adult, wanted donation banned, wanted to meet the donor but never found him. She got married, had kids and decided it didn't matter. I think her issue was she had a difficult relationship with her father so wanted to replace him with the biological one.

They both ended up OK. Life's complicated isn't it.

Just because someone is struggling with infertility doesn't mean you give them your child. Think about the children in these situations. We Are Donor Conceived is a group that shared stories of donor conceived adults.

You have no choice who your future offspring would go to. And just because it's a mother with her own body doesn't mean she's guaranteed to be a good person. You also risk your own fertility and reproductive health. There's very little research on long-term health effects for women undergoing ovary stimulation and egg retrieval. I would think hard why you are doing this and if you still feel strongly about it, wait until after you've had children of your own.

Hi @Shearebel . I’m a mother to two children through egg donation. I’m a carrier of a genetic disease but I didn’t know that when we started out; we only found out after two pregnancies went wrong due to malformations of the baby. We tried using my own eggs via IVf where they are screened (PGD) but that didn’t work. So I looked into egg donation. It turned out I didn’t find it easy to get pregnant through IVF even with donated eggs, but 10 years in we have one child and four years after her we were successful with another. I want to take my hat off to you for considering egg donation. When I start looking in 2015 there weren’t many donors at all. Thank you for thinking of donating. I don’t know the rules around what T&Cs you can put on who gets your eggs, but I would approach an agency such as Altrui as they can match you and hopefully give you more info/control vs going through an egg bank. Definitely have any counselling on offer to discuss the ramifications of your potential decision as it’s a serious process. For what it’s worth I did ED in the UK as I did want any children to be able to get donor information at 18, which is the law here. As many posters have mentioned, not knowing your genetic routes is very upsetting for some people, so having a route which answers the questions quickly & early is almost certainly preferable. Good luck with whatever you decide.

https://www.altrui.co.uk/how-does-matching-work-in-11-egg-donation/

When I was young I gave very little thought to the issues of biological vs (not) relations, and if I thought about it at all, thought vaguely how nice people were to help childless couples have children.

Time passes though.

My perspective got wider. I saw friends, so many friends, searching for years for the absent biological mothers and fathers, the people who might or might not be nice, who might or might not want to know them, but who would be as like them genetically as anyone could be short of a twin. Where did I come from? The blanks in the family tree.
I've seen the distress when the parents don't want to know. Or they do, but, the relationship will never be the same as the kids they had and kept and raised.

I saw stepkids and adopted kids growing up as cuckoos in the nest, loved, but not really understood.

I saw friends looking back and realising why the person they thought was a parent treated them so differently, never seemed to like them.

And nowadays I find it hard to see how gamete donation can be reconciled with the principle of putting the child's interest first at all times.

Do I think I know everything? No. Do I campaign against surrogacy, or say anything to people using donor gametes, or otherwise stick my beak in, again no. I'm just one person with a view, that changed. Genes matter.

For me one of the issues with assisted fertility is the placing of the wishes of the would be parent over the well being of prospective child. I know there are many people who would make wonderful parents who can't conceive or have kids. But there are other ways of directing the nurturing instinct. I know the urge to procreate is strong. But I don't think it is a right. It is a privilege and a responsibility. Yes I know that sounds conservative. When it comes to child care and safeguarding I find I am very much that way inclined. (Not so in other views).