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Original poster

DD feeling bad after mis-gendering sub teacher.

241 replies

ImDuranDuran · 14/11/2023 17:17

On the way home this afternoon, DD14 explained how she is 'in trouble' after addressing her sub teacher as 'Sir' during a lesson.

It's the first time the teacher has subbed for the class.

Apparently teacher snapped back "Actually it's 'Miss' to you!".

I asked DD if the teacher had made any announcement at the beginning of the lesson regarding pronoun preference and she's adamant that they did not.

I'm concerned that DD now thinks she's in trouble and to be honest I'm pissed off. It was a genuine mistake and she's 14. She would never intentionally try to embarrass a teacher.

If the teacher had pulled her aside afterwards and explained the situation I might be more understanding.

Should I just leave it?

OP posts:
Limth · 14/11/2023 17:40

JoIsBraverThanIAm · 14/11/2023 17:35

Just maybe worth being a tiny bit careful - a teenager today might conceivably not have fully-developed sex-detection, so I'd be wondering whether perhaps an unmade-up, short haired, fairly deep-voiced female teacher might be read as a male by a teenager. If this was a substitute teacher she's not going to have to deal with again, I think I might ask about that, and then likely reassure her she did nothing wrong and move on.

What are you on about?

Short hair, no make-up and a deep-ish voice does not a woman make.

What about the bone structure, the shoulder width, the adam's apple, the neck girth, the body shape, the hand size.

Even aside from all of this -sex recognition is innate and primal so even the smallest of high-voiced, narrow, slender men would be fairly easily read as male.

Justcallmebebes · 14/11/2023 17:35

She thought she was being taught by a man.

She was

JoIsBraverThanIAm · 14/11/2023 17:35

Just maybe worth being a tiny bit careful - a teenager today might conceivably not have fully-developed sex-detection, so I'd be wondering whether perhaps an unmade-up, short haired, fairly deep-voiced female teacher might be read as a male by a teenager. If this was a substitute teacher she's not going to have to deal with again, I think I might ask about that, and then likely reassure her she did nothing wrong and move on.

Limth · 14/11/2023 17:34

ImDuranDuran · 14/11/2023 17:31

She thought she was being taught by a man.

Show quote history

She was being taught by a man.

Tell her that she used her eyes to make a judgement about the situation which is a vital skill that could one day prove lifesaving. Subsequently she used the correct sex pronouns for the teacher which she absolutely shouldn't feel bad about. The situation's over now, move on.

FrippEnos · 14/11/2023 17:33

IMO, any teacher that brings this in to the classroom in this form shouldn't be teaching.

Every teacher that I have ever known has at some point been called the wrong pronouns.

Soontobe60 · 14/11/2023 17:32

ImDuranDuran · 14/11/2023 17:28

From what I can gather, teacher is a biological male and and based on the response to DD identifies as female.

There was no reference to this at the beginning of the lesson which is why I'm not sure if I need to address it or not.

So what you're saying is that a man has told your DD that she must believe he really is a woman. And told her off when she referred to him as his actual sex.
Bollocks to that - I’d be speaking to the school about your child not being made to use compelled speech.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/11/2023 17:31

She was being taught by a man.

Original poster
ImDuranDuran · 14/11/2023 17:31

watcherintherye · 14/11/2023 17:30

Did she say ‘Sir’ as a slip of the tongue, or did she think she was being taught by a man? Either way, not her fault and no big deal, especially if there wasn’t an announcement about preferred pronouns. Imagine a teacher intimidating a 14 yr old pupil over something like that. I despair.

She thought she was being taught by a man.

OP posts:
watcherintherye · 14/11/2023 17:30

Did she say ‘Sir’ as a slip of the tongue, or did she think she was being taught by a man? Either way, not her fault and no big deal, especially if there wasn’t an announcement about preferred pronouns. Imagine a teacher intimidating a 14 yr old pupil over something like that. I despair.

Original poster
ImDuranDuran · 14/11/2023 17:30

Housenoob · 14/11/2023 17:22

Posted too soon but this sounds like a complete non-issue based on what you've shared so far.

If it's a non-issue then why feel the need to respond to DD the way they did?

OP posts:
Original poster
ImDuranDuran · 14/11/2023 17:28

From what I can gather, teacher is a biological male and and based on the response to DD identifies as female.

There was no reference to this at the beginning of the lesson which is why I'm not sure if I need to address it or not.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 14/11/2023 17:24

Is this teacher trans? Or was it just a mistake like saying Sir automatically?

Housenoob · 14/11/2023 17:22

Posted too soon but this sounds like a complete non-issue based on what you've shared so far.

Meadowgrasses · 14/11/2023 17:21

I do t tell them off though!

Housenoob · 14/11/2023 17:21

Is this actually a case of the teacher being trans or did your DD make a simple slip of the tongue like when students accidentally call their teacher 'mum'?

What exactly do you mean by 'trouble' - is there an actual punishment?

Meadowgrasses · 14/11/2023 17:21

Often happens - I’m a female teacher and have been called sir, mum and dad numerous times. I get kids names wrong too sometimes!

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