My 15 year old daughter is going to a sleepover tomorrow night....

"My child is trans. Well non binary.
... She is autistic."

Your daughter's chosen identity mean other parents struggle to enforce basic safeguarding. They can only make sensible decisions if they know she is actually a girl.

It would be much kinder if everyone continues to acknowledge her sex alongside whatever gender neutral pronouns and name she wants.

Pretending she is neither male nor female is just nonsense that doesn't help her or any other girls.

Do you allow mixed sex sleepovers after puberty, into teenage? I don't, I think it's a safeguarding issue. I have no issue with a sleepover with all girls. But if DD says, "me, Chris, Fred and George are having a sleepover" and uses they and he. And insists they and he aren't girls... what then? Even though I know they have vaginas, what happens to the rule? IRL I've known her friends long enough and boy are currently repulsive so there's no issue in my house. But sex actually matters.

My child is trans. Well non binary. I'm so sad to think her friends parents would say they aren't allowed on a sleepover with them. I don't believe in it either but I show them respect and kindness so that our relationship remains as good as it is.
There is no need to be so horrible about trans kids.

Also she hasn't been abused or traumatised. She is autistic.

My daughter is 13 and it's also at least half of her friendship group (all female) who identify as non binary or trans.

Neither she nor I take it seriously or let it impact the friendships in any way.

Of course, if it was a boy identifying as a girl at the sleepover, that would be a hard no, but really they all seem to know the difference perfectly well.

Agree, not relevant for the OP situation specifically but IMO very relevant for the issue that's led to it and not given enough consideration in the analysis. I'm only realising the overall impact on who I am in the middle ages of my life

I don't believe it's smugness - just trying to reassure op that this is a current 'thing'?

Teens have always picked up causes, I think it's a good thing - what did you/your peers think was the injustice of the time when you were a teen?

At one point DD experimented with binding - i dont think it was a desire to be a 'boy' as much as uncomfortableness with breasts. As it was mum explained issues in no uncertain terms and that stopped.

None of this is unusual for the current generation?

@ jewelspun again why do you assume parents “indulge” them? The smugness I some of these posts that if parents take a no-nonsense approach it will all just go away is staggering.

Don't put your ideology before your relationship with your DC.

I would much rather my child spent an evening in their house than in yours. Ignoramus

Well, if all parties insist they are boys, I agree with other posters - say she can't go as there will be boys there

I wouldn't let her go. Those children are suffering from a mental affliction which has been encouraged by their educators and indulged by their parents.

It's not a safe environment (mentally and emotionally) for your daughter to be involved in.

These are prescribed drugs

3/5 is extraordinary ☹️

I wouldnt fall out with her

i talk to my 15yr old DD about how fucking awful being a teenage girl is & how at different points in history girls have used different means to try to escape their rapidly changing bodies & unwanted male attention

teenage girls - nuns, anorexia, self harm, worn baggy clothes, "trans" etc

discussing how susceptible teen girls are to social contagion helped too

Drugs are very much encouraged for children who think they are trans.

Teens will always experiment.

As long as its not drugs and anything illegal, it's OK.

What is H please?

That LGBTQ+ covers so many possibilities that making it heterosexual-minus would be quicker

I agree with Maddy on this - you aren’t going to get your DD to call your friends by their female names if that upsets them, any more than you could insist on her calling them Christina rather than Chrissie if they had chosen that nickname.

What does this mean?

Well exactly. Of course they're not. But social contagion is a well-known phenomenon among teenage girls. But although we're allowed to talk about it when it's self-harm or anorexia, when it's identifying as trans, we are required to go along with this and celebrate it because they are being "their authentic selves". My 15 year old also has a friendship group where at least half go by a different name and gender than what they were born with.

Teenagers go through phases and jump on bandwagons. Always have. Always will. This (for most) is just the latest one and no need to get in a flap about it. I doubt your daughter is in any danger from her friends so I would just let them get on with it. If you make a big deal of it it will probably exacerbate the issue.

I'm not dismissing trans people in saying this - but for a lot of kids it probably won't be a lasting thing.

Maddy70 · Today 12:34

Why are you falling out with her over it. She can call them whatever she likes they're her friends not yours”

👏👏👏

I'd very much like to know what the % in our schools is of girls "transing" to boys is compared to boys "transing" to girls. If only approximate. Who on here would think it would be anything other than stark?

Why are you falling out with her over it. She can call them whatever she likes they're her friends not yours

Most of dd's classes, including her, in yr9,yr10 are 'non-binary' pride flag waving etc - it's currently social suicide to be hetero.

As pp said - it's a fad/phase it'll all sort out eventually.

(I might think that the alphabet brigade - LGBTQS+ etc would be better named H- but would never say that :) )