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Dismissed by supposed ally husband

141 replies

BewilderedPiskie · 08/10/2023 16:48

I thought my husband was truly listening and understanding my concerns about TRA rhetoric and it's political and social impact but now with an election looming he has told me repeatedly that I NEED to vote Labour as "the trans thing" is a non-issue and women are not under threat. Essentially he has now made it clear that he does not believe there is a problem and I am just being swayed by 'online' noise. I find this utterly repellent. I have spent 4 years listening to and reading both online and imprint. His out of hand dismissal of everything I have looked at, read and researched makes me realise how absolutely misogynistic ordinary and supposedly supportive men can be. I'm menopausal and my memory is terrible. I know that I have been made increasingly worried by a huge number of well researched and documented articles, online pieces, books and podcasts; please could you send me links that have the key GC arguments and that demonstrate why Labour is particularly problematic for women's concerns. I feel utterly betrayed.

OP posts:
Tadpolle · 09/10/2023 08:57

Number 1 priority: Vote however I need to to get rid of Tories (Labour here and probably in most places)

Very close behind that are my other priorities including my GC feminist principles.

In the GE we just need to focus on annihilating the Tories and carry on all our other campaigning as well.

Sunnava · 09/10/2023 08:53

I personally would be considering separating over this as he is expressing contempt towards you.

Sunnava · 09/10/2023 08:52

SavBlancTonight · 08/10/2023 16:52

I will be voting Labour. I have concerns re the TRA issue, of course. I am 100% GC. But we cannot solve that problem while everything else burns. There will be an element of holding.my nose about it.

Is there any chance he is the same?

I will not be voting Labour. I am in a safe Labour seat. I will be spoiling my ballot. THAT is the moral thing to do.

Myalternate · 09/10/2023 08:32

Labour will spend their term in office, if voted in, claiming they can’t change things overnight, that it takes time to undo all the harm the Tory government have caused.
It will be the way it’s always been.

SerotinaPickeler · 09/10/2023 08:07

AlisonDonut · 09/10/2023 07:22

I think it is terribly sweet that so many people think labour is the answer.

They have literally zero policies. You have no idea what they will do, because they don't either.

What a shit show.

Yes Alison, this. I'm still waiting on answers from Labour and only then will I decide what to do.

AlisonDonut · 09/10/2023 08:05

JustSpeculation · 09/10/2023 07:42

I want to vote for a party which gives me hope, has some kind of vision of what the future should be and seems competent. That's precisely none of them. I will vote for the party which seems to me on voting day to be likely to do the least damage.

This really is the only option in the UK right now.

Not one of them is competent to stand up and the people running the show are the activists. Not the actual elected politicians.

JustSpeculation · 09/10/2023 07:42

I want to vote for a party which gives me hope, has some kind of vision of what the future should be and seems competent. That's precisely none of them. I will vote for the party which seems to me on voting day to be likely to do the least damage.

AdrianaLaCerva · 09/10/2023 07:40

I agree with pps. Stop discussing with him, tell him your vote is none of his goddamn business. After the ballot tell him you did not vote Labour and why. You will not be alone I assure you. After yesterday’s shit show of labour men abusing women in Liverpool, I don’t know how anyone could vote for the sexist thugs.

napody · 09/10/2023 07:35

SavBlancTonight · 08/10/2023 18:49

Yes, I feel this. And I feel like there's enough dissension in the labour ranks about this that it's not a fait accompli. Frankly, I deeply suspect that Keir et al think it's ridiculous but are too cowardly and stupid too ay it (if they said it, they'd win a massive chunk of the female vote, right there).

Show quote history

God, I'm so relieved to read the majority of responses on this thread. Labour are definitely not a 'shoe-in'... the polls always favour them because many people are too ashamed to admit they're going to vote Tory. And so they should be. Over a decade of ideological cruelty to the vulnerable.

Your husband is a dick though OP.

theduchessofspork · 09/10/2023 07:33

I think you should both stop taking about it. You are entitled to vote as you wish and so is he. You don’t have to prove any point to him.

It sounds like you take the view that the status of women is a key issue of our time so you can’t vote labour, and he takes the view that his overall priority is to get the Tories out.

Both views are valid and perfectly understandable, and there’s no point arguing about it.

bellac11 · 09/10/2023 07:29

I havent read the whole thread, OP does he actually know the truth of whats happening. People look at me like a loon when I recount the story of the woman raped on the NHS ward where the hospital denied there was a man present

I told my OH this yesterday, Im sure Ive told him before however, im not sure he actually believes it, because you wouldnt would you. YOu couldnt fathom that such madness exists

Im politically homeless. I will never vote tory. Lib dems were tory enablers as far as Im concerned but Labour have let me down over brexit and this issue. I think they also encourage and enable culture and identity wars and have caused issues (or the far left wing of the party has anyway).

I want a party that is very simply setting out what they are doing for health, education, housing, productivity in the UK, food security, economics within our trading partners (who are they these days).

You wouldnt think that is too hard but apparently it is.

So I may well ending up voting labour, I havent decided yet.

ThreeLeggedPug · 09/10/2023 07:26

I’m normally a Labour voter who voted conservative last time. I’m keeping a close eye on what Labour promise females and will make my decision accordingly.

ThreeLeggedPug · 09/10/2023 07:24

point out his misogyny each time (use the label misogyny). Ask him why he doesn’t value women's safety.

AlisonDonut · 09/10/2023 07:22

I think it is terribly sweet that so many people think labour is the answer.

They have literally zero policies. You have no idea what they will do, because they don't either.

What a shit show.

stealthwalnut · 09/10/2023 07:22

My other question is - have labour refuted officially that hospital wards should reinstate single sex rules as Sunak stated?

I can't see them being able to challenge and mock that.

It's a bit of a gauntlet laid down that.

stealthwalnut · 09/10/2023 07:18

I actually think that labour might improve education generally to be more holistic and CAHMS which could go halfway to 'sort things out.'

He's just wrong that it's a non issue.

stealthwalnut · 09/10/2023 07:15

My pov is that the tories are as culpable as labour in all this mess.

I don't think it matters who we vote for; the issues will still be there and still need to be dealt with.

With labour in power a lot of other things could be better. At the same time they will still have to deal with the medical and educational issues that are spiralling out of control. And they will have to follow through on things like Cass etc simply as the scientific evidence and data is staring them in the face. Safe schools alliance aren't going away and neither are KPSS, sex matters and the MoJ data on sex offenders. There are only going to be more detransitioners

Yes, a load of them are inadequate on the matter. But others are not. Rosie and others have insinuated that there are many labour MPs who want to stand witb yet but can't currently. That could change when in power.

The issue with a change on gov is that transition means a lot of things are put on hold. But I'm still unsure the tories are as committed as moving on things as they say tbh.

It's all a moot point for me as I probably have to vote green 🤪

GrammarTeacher · 09/10/2023 06:53

Toseland · 08/10/2023 17:17

I will be voting Labour. I have concerns re the TRA issue, of course. I am 100% GC. But we cannot solve that problem while everything else burns. There will be an element of holding.my nose about it.
There is no greater danger than loosing the words woman, female and mother and the loss of rights that will come with that and the inevitable destruction of families and society as we know it. A generation of gay kids will be transed - left sterile with no sexual function.
What bigger problem is there?

But that isn't happening. It really isn't. There are plenty of LGB students I've taught over the years and very few T students (I've been teaching for over 20 years). The number of trans students is also not increasing. By far the bigger issues are the economy, climate change and education in my opinion but I don't agree with most on this board on trans rights anyway. It isn't a non-issue. We need to solve this (we'll be at opposites on the solution I strongly suspect) BUT how can you see the state of the country (including the significantly lower funding than expected schools are now facing next year announced 5pm on Friday) and think this is the biggest issue? I can understand the differing opinions on trans rights. I can't understand thinking this is the key issue of the next general election.

Nellodee · 09/10/2023 06:47

I’ve will be voting labour. As a teacher, I’ve worked in schools under labour and I’ve worked in schools under the tories. Labour invest, tories neglect. I’m gc, but health, environment, education, and housing are all more important to me.

I don’t think the trans ideology/gc divide is particularly political in this country, with both sides only caring about it in as much as they think it’s going to win or lose seats. After what happened to the snp, neither side is going to be backing trans ideology far.

SammyScrounge · 09/10/2023 02:15

SavBlancTonight · 08/10/2023 16:52

I will be voting Labour. I have concerns re the TRA issue, of course. I am 100% GC. But we cannot solve that problem while everything else burns. There will be an element of holding.my nose about it.

Is there any chance he is the same?

Starmer has no integrity and let's himself be blown about by whatever wind is fashionable. As soon as he gets into power he will turn on women without a second thought. He is not a man to be trusted.

Duffdee · 08/10/2023 23:51

Need to vote Labour. You don’t need to vote for anyone. Your husband was probably just being clumsy with his language though and I’m sure he understands nobody can tell you how to vote. He’s probably just passionately anti-Tory and his emotions got the better of him, after the last 13 years it’s somewhat understandable.

If my significant other said to me I would tell them that just for that I was voting Reform UK because I don’t appreciate being told who I have to vote for, only in my case they would be believe me and say ‘oh OK then’. Last time I voted was for a small party called the Scottish Family Party.

YokoOnosBigHat · 08/10/2023 23:35

SavBlancTonight · 08/10/2023 16:52

I will be voting Labour. I have concerns re the TRA issue, of course. I am 100% GC. But we cannot solve that problem while everything else burns. There will be an element of holding.my nose about it.

Is there any chance he is the same?

This. As a chronically ill person I need the NHS. Really need it; I'm pretty much uninsurable due to immunology issues and even if anyone would insure me, my illness means I can't work the hours needed to afford it. So whilst I have worries surrounding much of the gender debate, please vote Labour for me and the millions like me.

ArabellaScott · 08/10/2023 23:24

Precipice · 08/10/2023 17:22

I think there are two issues here. The general issue of Labour's stance towards women's rights is a bigger one more broadly, but a smaller one here. The bigger issue interpersonally is how he is treating you and your opinions. He sounds very dismissive. It is not on him to decide which issues can be vital enough to you to base your vote on. It is not on him to decide that women's issues are to be secondary for everyone (the usual 'first we'll deal with X and only then with women's issues). The point is not convincing him about whether voting Labour is good or not (I don't consider that there's an absolute rule about this), but that it is absolutely not acceptable for him to talk to you in this manner and make demands of you as to what opinions you should espouse politically and support in the ballot box.

That.

FWIW Labour look like they're going to waltz in anyway.

But it sounds to me like it's the underlying attitude of your husband that's the problem more than a Labour government.

I'm sorry, OP. I think you need a serious chat with him about how he speaks to you.

Pinkglobelamp · 08/10/2023 23:15

The Tories are far more dangerous for women!

pronounsbundlebundle · 08/10/2023 23:12

And on the toothbrushing in school idea: do they really think that children are going to have better oral hygiene when one harried teacher / TA is trying to supervise a class of 30 whilst also trying to keep to schedule than if a child is supervised 1 on 1 (or 2 or 3) at home by a parent?

Have they ever tried to get a class of 30 children do anything involving putting things in their mouths? Do they not see the obvious potential problems? Mind blown at the absolutely terrible calibre of of the people coming up with these ideas.