Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

How do I go about complaining about gender neutral toilets?

36 replies

Coconutmeg · 27/09/2023 23:32

My young daughter felt uncomfortable to find herself waiting alone with 2 men at gender neutral toilets. I feel the venue has gone about the layout all wrong with the waiting area not being public. It’s a popular country park tourist destination. I want to make noise on say Twitter, trip advisor etc but at the same time think it would be reckless to point out unsafe places. And I just think if I email the country park it’ll be totally ignored.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Helleofabore · 01/10/2023 09:56

BabyStopCryin · 01/10/2023 09:48

No women should be shamed because they feel that they don’t want to share spaces with men.

The Wellcome Institute has unisex (no I will not call them ‘gender neutral’) loos. Large room with single lockable cubicles. But they are still unisex. I nipped in because I really really needed to change a pad and noticed plenty of people wandering in then out again when they realised.

Same in Liberty where they have a unisex loo off a dark back staircase. One sink in the main area and cubicles. It was all women when I arrived, then a family arrived and the dad came in then went back to check the door and waited outside. Then an angry and stroppy man stomped in and pushed to the front of the queue. No we don’t want to share with men.

I did that very thing in the Liberty loos. As did men and women that I then watched double take.

I think Waterstones simply took off the female toilet sign and put up a generic ‘toilet’ sign in one store too. When I asked at a counter about female only toilets, they had them. But there was no signage around the mixed sex converted toilet stating there was single sex available. That toilet had old cubicle arrangement. The man who came in when I was washing my hands came in, went out and checked, and came back in and asked me if it was a female toilet.

BabyStopCryin · 01/10/2023 09:48

SirChenjins · 28/09/2023 21:26

That’s right - she felt uncomfortable. No 10 year girl should ever feel uncomfortable using toilets because she’s been forced to share the space with grown males.

HTH.

Edited

No women should be shamed because they feel that they don’t want to share spaces with men.

The Wellcome Institute has unisex (no I will not call them ‘gender neutral’) loos. Large room with single lockable cubicles. But they are still unisex. I nipped in because I really really needed to change a pad and noticed plenty of people wandering in then out again when they realised.

Same in Liberty where they have a unisex loo off a dark back staircase. One sink in the main area and cubicles. It was all women when I arrived, then a family arrived and the dad came in then went back to check the door and waited outside. Then an angry and stroppy man stomped in and pushed to the front of the queue. No we don’t want to share with men.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2023 07:47

Oh my goodness, there are some idiots on this thread!!

@tarmum - 'what has led them to think men are a risk?' !?!? Is that a serious question for a grown adult who has ever seen the news? Surely, surely you're aware that males commit more crimes than women? 98% of sexual crimes are committed by men. I am gob smacked you didn't know that. Not the figure necessarily, but the gist.

And as for '@GodessOfThunder - 'being uncomfortable is fine the second time because you're used to it' ?!? You what? So as long as anything horrible happens twice it's fine because you should be used to it. Absolutely bizarrely stupid.

And @PinkRoses1245 - so girls should just dismiss any discomfort and boundaries they have so that men can have access to the ladies loos?

It beggars belief what hand maidens sone women are.

Op - complain and complain loud and again. You will get so much support. People, the sensible ones, are fed up of this.

EnoughIsay · 01/10/2023 07:40

tarmum · 30/09/2023 22:49

Sorry. I really don’t understand the drama. Are all males paedophiles by default? It’s a toilet block with separate cubicles for use by either gender? So if you have male children are they safer going into a male toilet block? I think not. Surely mixed gender is safer? And some women seem determined to ‘hover’ and seem to piss all over the seat!

So if you have male children are they safer going into a male toilet block? I think not.

How does that work? Male children un safe going to the mens so remove all barriers to all loos, leting the men wander about freely thereby making them all unsafe?

How do you know that the seat is wet because some women "hover"?

Would it not be more logical to assume that most men don't aim? Or - that urinals are much better as they are higher and shaped in a way that "gathers" the liquid?

EnoughIsay · 01/10/2023 07:33

PinkRoses1245 · 28/09/2023 21:44

Maybe you should teach your DD some reality and resilience. most places have unisex toilets now and will only increase. And that the vast vast majority of men are normal people.

Well Pink the child did deal with reality.

She came back knowing that a female only space would be a much better experience for her.

smithsinarazz · 01/10/2023 00:04

Just complain. Write, email, kick off on Twitter. Organisations do actually listen to people who raise a public grievance. That, actually, is why we're in the mess we're in - most people were absolutely fine with single-sex bogs; a very small minority started saying they didn't like them, and because nobody else was actually asked, the message that got through was "single-sex toilets bad".

titchy · 01/10/2023 00:00

tarmum · 30/09/2023 23:01

My point is that the concern seems only ever to be that female children are in some way ‘precious’ and are automatically preyed on by men. Such a distorted view of the world. If a 10 year old feels uncomfortable around men in general would ask why? What has led them to believe that men are a risk?

Because women are more vulnerable to sexual assault from men than men are. And sadly that's something that girls grow up having to be aware of.

Boys who get an odd feeling from certain men should equally feel able to act on those feelings and walk away.

ThreeBearsPorridge · 30/09/2023 23:07

I would say that the vast majority of toilets now are unisex. Unfortunately. I have noticed several venues change their toilets from single sex to unisex in the past year.

tarmum · 30/09/2023 23:01

My point is that the concern seems only ever to be that female children are in some way ‘precious’ and are automatically preyed on by men. Such a distorted view of the world. If a 10 year old feels uncomfortable around men in general would ask why? What has led them to believe that men are a risk?

titchy · 30/09/2023 22:50

So if you have male children are they safer going into a male toilet block? I think not.

Why don't you think male children would be safe. Don't you believe your precious sentence:

Are all males paedophiles by default?

tarmum · 30/09/2023 22:49

Sorry. I really don’t understand the drama. Are all males paedophiles by default? It’s a toilet block with separate cubicles for use by either gender? So if you have male children are they safer going into a male toilet block? I think not. Surely mixed gender is safer? And some women seem determined to ‘hover’ and seem to piss all over the seat!

L353A1 · 30/09/2023 22:34

"I’ve not ever seen unisex toilets done where it’s a large room with multiple cubicles and sinks where both sexes wait indoors in that one large toilet room for a free cubicle."

I have. Aviva Studios, home of the Factory International art studio in Manchester.

TrailingLoellia · 28/09/2023 21:59

Winnading · 28/09/2023 21:54

One of the visitor centres at Galloway forest is a room with two or three toilet cubicles, its mixed sex, so yes you all wait in the room until a cubicle is free.
I was not impressed when I found that out and the loo I used was covered in piss. I've not been back. Which is a shame, it's a really pretty centre.

Ugh that is a shame. Thankfully we don’t have any like that around here. It’s only self contained one toilet and sink per locking room that are gender neutral. The shitty thing is that in some places they used one of the disabled toilets to create them.

Winnading · 28/09/2023 21:54

TrailingLoellia · 27/09/2023 23:56

Usually in country parks where they have uni sex toilets, the toilets don’t have an indoor waiting area within them. Everyone is sort of outside and the toilets are self-contained locking toilet plus sink room with an exterior door to the outside.

I’ve not ever seen unisex toilets done where it’s a large room with multiple cubicles and sinks where both sexes wait indoors in that one large toilet room for a free cubicle.

One of the visitor centres at Galloway forest is a room with two or three toilet cubicles, its mixed sex, so yes you all wait in the room until a cubicle is free.
I was not impressed when I found that out and the loo I used was covered in piss. I've not been back. Which is a shame, it's a really pretty centre.

titchy · 28/09/2023 21:51

PinkRoses1245 · 28/09/2023 21:44

Maybe you should teach your DD some reality and resilience. most places have unisex toilets now and will only increase. And that the vast vast majority of men are normal people.

I assume you leave your front door wide open when you leave your house? Most passers by are normal non-thieving people.

LulooLemon · 28/09/2023 21:48

Please name the place, OP. Then I shall email to complain as well.

HermioneWeasley · 28/09/2023 21:48

@PinkRoses1245 maybe the gender addled grievance gerbils driving the elimination of safety and privacy for women and girls could get some resilience and use the toilets of their sex?

SirChenjins · 28/09/2023 21:47

No, it’s not up to girls to be made to feel they lack resilience if they feel uncomfortable/unsafe/whatever - that’s an outdated, misogynistic view that needs stamped out. The more people raise this and push back about the dismantling of female spaces the better. Let’s not force women and girls to accept discomfort to accommodate males.

Helleofabore · 28/09/2023 21:45

PinkRoses1245 · 28/09/2023 21:44

Maybe you should teach your DD some reality and resilience. most places have unisex toilets now and will only increase. And that the vast vast majority of men are normal people.

Most mixed sex toilets don’t have a waiting area out of public view though. Maybe you missed that part.

PinkRoses1245 · 28/09/2023 21:44

Maybe you should teach your DD some reality and resilience. most places have unisex toilets now and will only increase. And that the vast vast majority of men are normal people.

Rabbitbrain · 28/09/2023 21:44

This is one of the many problems with unisex toilets. It’s horrendous and you should absolutely make a fuss. Try the local newspaper?

Helleofabore · 28/09/2023 21:37

GodessOfThunder · 28/09/2023 21:16

The kid said she “felt uncomfortable” due to the presence of men. Next time she’s in a multisex bog she’ll probs be fine as it won’t be a surprise, no?

Why would not being surprised equate to the 10 year old girl no longer being uncomfortable?

SirChenjins · 28/09/2023 21:26

That’s right - she felt uncomfortable. No 10 year girl should ever feel uncomfortable using toilets because she’s been forced to share the space with grown males.

HTH.

ATerrorofLeftovers · 28/09/2023 21:25

Seems a bit obtuse to ignore the vulnerability of the girl waiting by herself with two men, out of sight of anybody else.

One only has to engage one’s brain to realise the potential.

GodessOfThunder · 28/09/2023 21:16

SirChenjins · 28/09/2023 21:02

It did happen - did you miss that bit?

Sex Matters might be able to help - there absolutely needs to be a push back on mixed sex toilets.

The kid said she “felt uncomfortable” due to the presence of men. Next time she’s in a multisex bog she’ll probs be fine as it won’t be a surprise, no?

Swipe left for the next trending thread