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Original poster

So ... my client posted a violent fantasy about me!

65 replies

HeidiInTheBigCity · 18/09/2023 21:42

Posted in F&WR in the hopes of an audience who gets what my issue is and can offer advice!

So ... client [insert function; I shall call him X] hates me! This is not all that out of the norm insofar as X seems to hate vendors in general. Not great but also no big deal.

X also seems to dislike me in particular. And - to quote my white, cishet [I know this isn't the lingo around here - using it to reinforce my point] male colleague: "it's just insanely obvious how much more vicious he is in reaction to you compared to any man who has dared to make equally obvious statements!" [specifically, I declined to entertain his demands on the grounds that it would have lost my firm money - and I said so!]. Still: unfortunate, but it happens!

Here's what has freaked me out: a [female] colleague of X's privately pinged me a link to what I can only describe as a violent, hate-fuelled online post filled with gruesome detail about the abuse of [supposedly fictional woman whose name is not quite mine but very eerily similar] saying "you do realise that's X and it's about you?! I'm disgusted!".

The claim is credible. But, at the same time, it's just "anonymous creep on the internet". It's also really disturbing. It makes me feel afraid of X. But dealing with X - even though I know that he hates me - is part of my job.

WWYD?

OP posts:
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BlessedKali · 19/09/2023 22:32

I think as this is a matter of personal safety you are well within your right to ask that sebior leadership i form you of what action they will be taking.

remember: you have done absolutely nothing wrong, and this man is in the best case scenario extremely strange, and in the worst case scenario, a potential criminal.

Your employers need to protect you, respect you, and in no way should you be 'downgraded'

do not go into this apologetic, you havedone NOTHING wrong.Youshould be bloody pissed offx

Original poster
HeidiInTheBigCity · 19/09/2023 21:51

@Winnading, that it horrifying, not even remotely surprising and the reason why I am refusing to expose who has tipped me off about this.

OP posts:
Winnading · 19/09/2023 21:21

BlessedKali · 18/09/2023 22:53

do the police ever keep witnessess confidential - so if OPs friend was to confirm she knew it was from him, would that help it be recorded and could she remain anonymous?

Officially yes, you are kept confidential, in reality however:-
I have been that witness, to a harrowing crime. I knew if he knew that I was the witness, he would come after me. And it took a tiny "mistake" by an officer who left my entire statement with my name and address on, out where he could see it while being interviewed.

I had to move quite far away, as (I'm sure you would have guessed this) he got off with a suspended sentence.

Cherryana · 19/09/2023 21:04

Well done for bringing the is up - everything is crossed that he gets the boot and there are no repercussions for you.

Original poster
HeidiInTheBigCity · 19/09/2023 20:52

Thanks for all the replies!

Some responses:

  • no, I absolutely cannot prove in any definitive form that it's him/me. Tons of circumstantial evidence, no smoking gun!
-.I've handled it as follows: called very senior leadership, explained situation. Was told to let them handle. For all practical intents and purposes, this may entail anything between "will tell client bosses they sanction him or else" and "I literally get downgraded to 'toothless tiger - account manager no longer authorised to speak to clients without chaperone'". I don't know this yet - what I do know is that - from a personal standpoint - regardless of the outcome I'm relieved that X is no longer for me to handle.

Will update if I find out more.

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LizaBizza · 19/09/2023 15:50

Can you say with 100% certainty it was targeted at you and can you prove this?

StBrides · 19/09/2023 14:14

MadamWhiteleigh · 19/09/2023 13:27

Gather documentation.

Screenshot of the post and your email exchange on the business matter that triggered it along with anything that supports the circumstantial evidence - that he hates you, that he’s an Arsenal fan, previous posts under that username that indicate it’s him etc.

Because the absolute first thing he’s going to do is deny it was him.

Yes,this is important

MadamWhiteleigh · 19/09/2023 13:27

Gather documentation.

Screenshot of the post and your email exchange on the business matter that triggered it along with anything that supports the circumstantial evidence - that he hates you, that he’s an Arsenal fan, previous posts under that username that indicate it’s him etc.

Because the absolute first thing he’s going to do is deny it was him.

ferntwist · 19/09/2023 13:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

UnderTheBench · 19/09/2023 12:40

If nothing else, reporting to the police will crystallise for your workplace that this is a serious, frightening and potentially illegal situation. It may help show them how seriously they need to take it.

I would hope they would anyway. If an employee came to me with something like this I'd be calling fucking Prevent, Interpol, and lawyers and kicking up a major fuss.

We've had creeps try to creep on staff before, sometimes because they are 'big' clients they feel they are entitled. They have been booted.

Creeps can fuck right off, nobody should EVER feel afraid or intimidated by an arsehole at work.

https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment
https://www.acas.org.uk/discrimination-and-bullying

What sexual harassment is: Sexual harassment - Acas

What sexual harassment is, what you can do if you're affected by it at work, and how employers should handle sexual harassment complaints.

https://www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment

ferntwist · 19/09/2023 12:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 19/09/2023 12:31

I actually think the tip off person was wrong to tell you and actually should have informed their employer.

StBrides · 19/09/2023 12:25

And tell HR after you're reported it to police. This is a criminal matter, not an HR one.

StBrides · 19/09/2023 12:24

Russell brand publicly discussed assaulting women,share violent sexual fantasies and joked about raping women.

Just saying.

If ever there was a time the police are going to take this really seriously - it's now.

You're scared for a reason.

Codlingmoths · 19/09/2023 01:16

Op, you don’t seem to have any sense of feeling you have a right to feel safe at work and it is your employers obligation to ensure this is the case? I take this from the way you keep trying to think of what might make your company care. It shouldn’t need any of this extra ‘your data might be compromised if he kidnaps me’. If you feel you need to then make it clear it’s because you’re a woman- he wouldn’t do this to a man.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 18/09/2023 23:50

Now, I'm genuinely not sure if that is less or more scary. Probably a bit of both!

I think it's more. There's a lot of thinking going on, not just a mindless sexual fantasy.

He knows it's wrong to fantasise about doing that, he thinks he can justify it to himself by making you morally inferior to him. Raping and murdering someone can't be done morally, it's weird predator logic. You should definitely seek assistance, don't leave it.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 18/09/2023 23:43

Does their company have a whistleblowing scheme? Google it - if they're a big org it might be online with an easy way of accessing it. You could also ask your contact who sent it if they'd be prepared to whistle blow, it's usually anonymous.

Original poster
HeidiInTheBigCity · 18/09/2023 23:41

... above all: security will happily deal with coming up with a mitigation plan for such situations. In other words: I get to hand this off!

OP posts:
Original poster
HeidiInTheBigCity · 18/09/2023 23:30

@Ereshkigalangcleg, I hadn't considered that but, yes, it's actually weird! As though he requires permission from some kind of a moral authority in some sort of an infantile fashion. Not quite grown up enough to simply rape, kill, and mutilate. Pretty Norman Bates, if you look at it that way!

Now, I'm genuinely not sure if that is less or more scary. Probably a bit of both!

On the upside: I think I may have thought of someone who will be concerned and won't care all that much about whether or not this is likely to hold up in court: so, corporate security might be mostly concerned about the risk of my devices falling into the hands of a madman if I should happen to get abducted - but they've been known to jump into action for lesser stuff!

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Codlingmoths · 18/09/2023 23:25

If your firm are at all worth working for they will happily lose this client but the first step is to explain to client. I would prefer to take someone senior management with me to a senior representative at the client since it is seriously scary, to explain your firm will no longer engage with them x in any way shape or form and of course their internal processes are theirs to manage but if he isn’t removed completely from any engagement with your firm you will have to drop them as a client. I would go to the police before my management just to know if there is anything they can do- quite probably not which is ugh but find out.

BlessedKali · 18/09/2023 23:06

DICKHEAD will do just nicely

BlessedKali · 18/09/2023 23:05

motherfucker is a terrible choice of slur on mumsnet. apologies.

BlessedKali · 18/09/2023 23:05

can you her a solicitor to send him an official letter saying 'this is allegedly from you, it as been recorded, WE KNOW. Din't even think about it motherfucker'

Ereshkigalangcleg · 18/09/2023 23:04

In the anonymous online post, "Ellie" is a conniving, cold-hearted psychopath who deliberately demands an over-the-top price for [basically A service] to humiliate the poor protagonist. He, consumed by righteous anger, waited for her to leave her office after dark and violently rapes, murders and dismembers her.

I find the fact that he needs a moral justification to do it in his own fantasy particularly chilling, actually.

PerkingFaintly · 18/09/2023 23:03

Just seen your post about the ID being circumstantial. Might it still work to say, "It looks a lot like Junior Staffer has posted this. Because we believe it is him, we do not feel safe dealing with him."

I assume that removing him from the account would not constitute a sanction, which he could then claim was unfair. And you'll have marked his card with his HR should they get future reports about him.