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Original poster

Asking someone’s pronouns is as important as finding out their name

137 replies

SamW98 · 15/09/2023 16:55

https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/talking-about-pronouns-isnt-a-chore-its-like-asking-someones-name-19491080/amp/

No it really isn’t. Does anyone really meet a new person in a social setting and say ‘hi I’m Doris and my pronouns are hee/haw, what’s your name and pronouns?

Talking about pronouns isn't a chore – it's like asking someone's name

Making your pronouns clear is no different than people clarifying that your name is, in fact, just ‘Becca’ and not ‘Rebecca’.

https://metro.co.uk/2023/09/13/talking-about-pronouns-isnt-a-chore-its-like-asking-someones-name-19491080/amp/

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/09/2023 20:28

LittleGreenDuck · 15/09/2023 20:18

I received an email from a colleague earlier that not only had pronouns announced, but they were typed in rainbow colours as well, for extra wankery points.

I recently received an email from an English colleague (we're in Ireland) with his pronouns in both English and Irish, a language he does not speak one word of. I was tempted to accuse him of cultural appropriation except for the half hour earnest lecture I would have received.

TotalOverhaul · 15/09/2023 20:22

Chipperfish · 15/09/2023 17:05

In my list of importance its after favourite seashanty but before lucky crystal

Perfect! Grin Grin Grin

LittleGreenDuck · 15/09/2023 20:18

I received an email from a colleague earlier that not only had pronouns announced, but they were typed in rainbow colours as well, for extra wankery points.

Charlattanus23 · 15/09/2023 20:13

This level of nonsensical HR overwokery I just one of the exasperating twatterries that is making the NHS even worse than normal right now.

terryleather · 15/09/2023 20:06

DustyLee123 · 15/09/2023 16:59

Pronouns actually make me want to stab people. Just fuck off.

100% this.

turbonerd · 15/09/2023 20:04

Sorry, meant to tag @lookandsee in the previous post.

Quantumbutterfly must be shunned due to not liking sea shanties enough. I am sorry @quantumbutterfly but you must re-educate yourself. 30 hours on YouTube with The Longest Johns may suffice

turbonerd · 15/09/2023 20:01

viques · 15/09/2023 18:38

Middle name, and why, star sign, best celebrity encounter, favourite Friends character.

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Yes, quite. Not sure how I forgot those. I will educate myself at the earliest opportunity!

Also, @quantumbutterfly you raise important, valid and dare I say it life-affirming points.
Actual height/weight vs what you identify as is something we should have a meeting about, in a safe space - no shoes please, though plimsolls may be acceptable.

PermanentTemporary · 15/09/2023 20:01

I suppose I do find it annoying on others' behalves when women in hijab or niqab are asked for their Christian name at work. It's thoughtless imo and I don't think that phrasing is used much anymore, given name is more likely now.

I also know that the two women in the team who are now giving their pronouns in their email are not bellends. What does scare me a bit is that they are language impairment specialists. My view is that for me to ask people with aphasia to use any specific pronoun, even if obvious, is adding unnecessarily to their linguistic burden. And I don't think they give them to patients, only other staff members. Which doesn't feel very equitable or partnership focused.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 15/09/2023 19:44

gyf · 15/09/2023 18:41

(Hmm, "who" is a pronoun, though. Sorry long-ago English teacher...)

For clarity, i should have said "I've never needed to use pronouns in that way when writing an email." instead of "I've never needed to use pronouns in an email like that. "

TheClitterati · 15/09/2023 19:31

Well those with their moons rising in Uranus will hopefully be keeping it in their pants.

<juvenile>

MoreThanAFeline · 15/09/2023 19:27

Soontobe60 · 15/09/2023 19:18

Surely someone replying to an email would use ‘you’?

Sorely sorely tempted to start using “she/her” or “he/him” in email correspondence and see what happens to the communicative function.

Hi John
Thank you for he/him’s message about the X project. Do you think he/him could fit in a quick meeting about this later today?
Kind regards,
More Than

ArabeIIaScott · 15/09/2023 19:27

TheClitterati · 15/09/2023 19:26

You lot are dreadful- pronouns are very important, second only to knowing someone rising sign.

They can keep their rising sign in their pants, thanks.

ArabeIIaScott · 15/09/2023 19:26

ValerieDoonican · 15/09/2023 19:26

Bob Sheer and Dave Heegham. And their enormoud families of wankers

Edited
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😂

TheClitterati · 15/09/2023 19:26

You lot are dreadful- pronouns are very important, second only to knowing someone rising sign.

ValerieDoonican · 15/09/2023 19:26

WhatapityWapiti · 15/09/2023 18:19

My brother in law is an eco activist type but the world of gender fluidity and pronoun-specifying had somewhat passed him by till he was at some group meeting a couple of years ago when they all went round the circle and introduced themselves as Bob she/her, Dave he/him. He said he thought they were surnames and they were all related 🤣🤣

Bob Sheer and Dave Heegham. And their enormoud families of wankers

Transparent2 · 15/09/2023 19:22

"The thing is:* *For most people, pronouns aren’t really something they think about. They’re just a part of language that we use when referring to people based on our outward perception of their gender."

Exactly (except that is is our perception of sex, not gender). They are not your pronouns, dear, when other people use them about you. Third person pronouns are their pronouns for you, based on their perception of you. When I was a kid, some people used nicknames for me. I didn’t always like a nickname, but it was not my name for me, it was their name for me, and though I could protest, I couldn’t control their speech.

Soontobe60 · 15/09/2023 19:18

Surely someone replying to an email would use ‘you’?

Positanoprincipessa · 15/09/2023 19:17

Having your pronouns just in your email signature is not good enough! Two handmaidens at work have them as part of their name too so when an email from the she/hers pops up in my inbox it appears as Ballcupping Brenda (She/Her) and I die a little inside.

ArabeIIaScott · 15/09/2023 19:16

ENTP? CF. FOTTFSOFATFOSM.

WickerGirl · 15/09/2023 19:13

Igneococcus · 15/09/2023 18:59

I had to google ennagram too.
Can we do Myers Briggs types? I'm an ENTP.

Ooh I'm an INFJ, we would be enemies IRL 😂

Original poster
SamW98 · 15/09/2023 19:13

viques · 15/09/2023 18:52

I know someone who helped to run a very woke event, filled with people who although they didn’t know each other, cared enough about a very niche activity (which actually relies heavily on open communication skills) to pay good money and spend a weekend doing it in small groups.

As well as name badges and pronoun badges they had to wear a colour code to denote their level of sociability at any time.

red : I don’t want to speak to anyone I don’t already know. Please don’t try to make social overtures to me as I might curl up on the floor and dissolve into a puddle of self pity

amber: I am happy to speak to people I already know, please respond to me if I speak to you because it means you are blessed and I think you are worthy of my attention until someone better comes along.

green: I am happy to speak to people. Do you see dead people too?

I mean, what happened to “ Lovely to meet you, I need to go and find my friend now”

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I find giving someone a death stare and showing my best resting bitch face works far better than a red badge fir severing the message ‘just fuck off and leave me alone’

OP posts:
ArabeIIaScott · 15/09/2023 19:13

ditalini · 15/09/2023 19:00

I'm unreasonably irritated by the whole she/her mantra. Even if you buy into that shit you only need to say "she". We know how grammar works.

If you're a she/them or a neopet then fair enough I guess, but otherwise be succinct with your pseudo-religious genuflecting.

I was in a meeting with a couple of colleagues last week who are pronoun wankers, and listened to them talk about their non-binary pal he/him/hising all the way. The hypocritical arseholes.

It's all grist to the mill, though. Gives them a chance to pass-ag correct each other and 'do better' and do some 'soul searching' into the error of their perfectly fucking bog standard human responses.

usernother · 15/09/2023 19:13

DustyLee123 · 15/09/2023 16:59

Pronouns actually make me want to stab people. Just fuck off.

Yup.

Pixiedust1234 · 15/09/2023 19:07

I had to approach several divorce lawyers recently. One had she/her in their email so I deleted it immediately. No idea of their hourly rate or even if they were a shithot lawyer. Now if I had seen @AbacusAvocado s answer then they would have got the job 🐲(I have no dino emoji 😱)

JellySaurus · 15/09/2023 19:06

WhatapityWapiti · 15/09/2023 19:02

I'm unreasonably irritated by the whole she/her mantra. Even if you buy into that shit you only need to say "she". We know how grammar works

I’m so glad to see you mention this! I started a thread about it ages ago and nobody else cared.

How exclusionary of you to assume that grammar works the same way for everyone. Have you not seen pronoun demands declarations such as she/they?