My friend coming out

It's a good point to be fair, anecdotally the only women I know who are in long term committed relationships with other women are lesbians and not bi. I have my own ideas as to why but I do think it's wise advice, I have my own reasons for settling down with a man and it isn't because I haven't been in love with women before- probably a point to me self reflect on.

I think the PPs are right who think there is a bigger announcement to come. Either the husband is an [acronym] and he wants to wear women’s clothes full-time in public or she has a girlfriend who she wants to introduce to the group.

Otherwise it seems a bit crazy. I know quite a few people who are technically bisexual but they live pretty heterosexual lives now. It just wouldn’t occur to me to even think of their sexual orientation.

But then again, with all the progress flags everywhere, perhaps there’s a new phenomenon where people have FOMO about being encouraged to be ‘proud’ and to be ‘celebrated’ for being ‘included under the rainbow with weird aggressive war arrow marching in from the left’. Perhaps they imagined their life will suddenly become sparkly and colourful like a Mardi Gras float after they have gone through this rite of passage?

What is 'identity' and why does it need to be shared with other people?

So the sage lesbian was being bi-phobic. Right.

Sounds line “you disagree with me so you must be a bigot.”

But isin’t it true, though?
All the bi’s on this thread alone are married to men.
It’s just telling the truth.

We could start with the person who said she was advised to avoid bi people as they always end up with men and the person above who agreed.

This, 100%.

I'm a lesbian and I've actually only 'come out' to a few people over the course of my life as sexuality came up in conversations. Apart from that, I assume most people in my life know I'm a lesbian based upon my relationship with a woman, but again, they've never asked. I always say that I would hate to be defined by my sexuality in the same way that I would hate to be defined by any other single aspect of my identity, and this constant push just screams of attention seeking to me.

The only caveat I will give this is in instances where people are part of cultures where it is a massive deal and they may need to 'come out' to avoid violence etc.

She sounds desperate for attention.

She is married - so why is this relevant? I assume she has dated men and women in the past (as has my lesbian sister).

Why should anyone care, unless she us planning to have affairs or run off with the postlady…?

Why are people so desperate to announce their sexuality/gender/pronouns to the world?

How very fucking strange … I would understand it if she was leaving her DH and had a girlfriend.

You need to have a word OP before she makes tit of herself.

Well it can’t be that important. And honestly, nobody really cares very much.

That would be my advice to her OP, just because something is important to her doesn’t make it important or interesting to others, so just mention it in passing the way she would want… a Scottish Nationalist friend say to talk about referendums.

Yes, Queer means Special, not L, G or B

I would have a conversation with her, and ask her if she is happy in her marriage. Coming out as bi is an elegant "out" - a no fault divorce and d as he may feel that revealing this aspect of herself will save face over " just wanted to leave". She has confided in you so I would also ask what she needs from you - what role she wants you to play.

As an ’asexual’ or as an actual asexual?
There is a odd bunch of people now who claim to be asexuals / on a asexual spectrum, but have sex. These people are idiots and cause harm to those who actually are asexuals.

Where exactly do you “sense” biphobia and bi-erasure. And please do define both.
TIA

@Austrich gosh that would be cringe to join a family group. We are an "obvious" family in that we have two adopted DCs and one is mixed ethnicity but we would NEVER go to a same sex adoptive families group because that would be so intrusive.

I'm sensing quite a lot of biphobia and bi-erasure on this thread.

Tbh I'd probably say 'Oh sind your neck in Barbara. I'm bisexual too and you don't here me banging on about it. Honestly, people will just think you're attention seeking. So I wouldn't bother if I were you'.

What is there to be supportive about? someone is bi/gay/whatever - and? do they want permission cheat? as n the OP the person is currently in a relationship

do they want a pat on the back? a certificate? special treatment?

is it homophobic to not care if someone is gay or not?

I would hope that if a friend came out to me as bi , gay, whatever? I would be supportive. It's obviously a big thing to them even if it isn't to you that others know.

Some of the responses on here are frankly homophobic and unnecessary.

I feel like I’ve found my spiritual home in this thread 🤣

Ive had relationships with women and was married to man (divorced now). I don’t feel the need to announce my sexuality or openness to dating either sex to friends who don’t know my entire dating history?! If I meet someone I’ll introduce them to my friends - job done! Also hate the word queer.

I would wonder slightly if she was realising she was gay and wanted to leave her husband tho..

No sorry, I'm bi. It's not something I'd hide, but if I was in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex why would I go out of my way to describe it as a queer relationship and make sure all my social circle knew that? I know there's an incorrect stereotype about bisexual women being up for 3somes. It's mostly perpetuated by hopeful men. It's also played into by a some straight women looking for the attention of said males. Sorry if that's offensive.

As a Lesbian who suffered quite a bit of anguish (will they still love me?) coming out to my elderly parents years ago; this kind of thing makes me sick .
It also reminds me of the sage advice I got from my older Lesbian sisters when I first came out;
"Avoid bisexuals, they always wind up with men."

I'd ask if her husband knows that he's in a "queer" relationship and how he feels about being "outed" by her revelation?

Fundamentally it's self absorbed social wankery and it's boring.

I've zero interest in my friends current/former sex lives other than knowing their relationships are happy and not abusive.

Frankly I think the best thing to do is nothing. Don't feed the queer troll by getting sucked in to giving this information any kudos/time/attention whatsoever.

Essentially "that's nice dear, now what's your opinion on Scottish independence?"

I think I would say... well.. you've told me.. how was that? Was it difficult to find the right momemt or the right words? How do you feel after telling me? Do you feel that any of our friends would react any differently? Do you think anyone will treat you differently when you tell them? Do you want anyone to treat you differently? And hopefully.. after getting fairly blasé answers.. you can well done.. nothing to worry about.. just drop it in to conversation if the opportunity arises.. btw.. it's your round!!