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Original poster

Friend's child. Is this worrying?

106 replies

namechange102938 · 20/07/2023 20:09

I'm probably opening a can of worms here but I would really like to hear from others on this.

The situation is this:

My lovely female friend is married to another woman. They had a DD. When DD was 3, they had a DS. DD had always been more interested in trucks than dolls. After DS was born, DD started saying that she was a boy too. The parents immediately switched to male pronouns and within the year they've changed the child's name to a boy name and even changed the birth certificate and the passport, erasing the child's birth identity. We're in a liberal US state.

I have trans friends, but they were all adults when they transitioned so I don't know what the healthy approach is for children. At 3 years old it seems to me that there's a possibility that being a boy was appealing since the only boy in the house (the new baby) was naturally getting a lot of attention. Also, a love of trucks and a dislike of dolls surely shouldn't matter.

I know my friends deeply love their children and think they're doing what's best for the child. I'm just concerned that perhaps the child isn't trans, but it would now be very difficult for him to change his mind. Changing the name and the birth certificate feels unnecessary at this stage. It seems to me that it send a message a child might interpret as 'they love me as DS more than they loved me as DD, so I can never be DD again no matter how I feel'.

Ironically, it seems very binary and limiting. They're already planning to use puberty blockers. The child takes part in trans events and has a whole identity based around this one part of him even though he's now just 7.

Do many very young trans children change their minds? Does this seem concerning or am I just out of touch?

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HorribleNecktie · 20/07/2023 20:27

There’s no such thing as a trans 3 year old. It’s a bunch of sexist, regressive stereotypes and they are putting that girl on track to a lifetime of misery.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 20/07/2023 20:26

Horrifying. I was talking recently to an older woman with a huge amount of experience working with children. She said that more and more parents she comes across are burdening their very young children with decisions or a role in decision-making over things which should really just be down to the parents. She was thinking of relatively trivial decisions, as she finds these children expect to be consulted and to have a right of veto about all sorts of things which can't be done practically in a group setting. However, it seems to me to be the same sort of mindset that would take a 3yo literally. Do these people know nothing about child development? Where do they think all the 'trans children' were in previous generations? Why aren't there lots and lots of middle-aged transmen? You'd think all the girls who couldn't transition in childhood would be making up for lost time now it's not taboo.

TheBiologyStupid · 20/07/2023 20:17

Agreed - it's deeply concerning. Here in the UK, the Cass Review's Interim report made it clear that social transitioning is not a neutral act and that there is no good evidence base for the use of puberty blockers, particularly so for natal girls.

https://cass.independent-review.uk/publications/interim-report/

Interim report – Cass Review

https://cass.independent-review.uk/publications/interim-report

RoseslnTheHospital · 20/07/2023 20:14

Of course it's concerning, it's not about being out of touch. It's about recognising child development stages and about what a 3 year old could possibly understand about sex and gender identity. Especially in a previously all female environment that suddenly gained a baby boy that got lots of attention.

There's absolutely nothing you can do about it in reality though. In the US I'm pretty sure that any comments that aren't wholly supportive and praising their "progressive" parenting will be taken as hostile right wing views.

nobodysdaughternow · 20/07/2023 20:13

Yes that is deeply worrying. There have been enough young bodies broken by puberty blockers.

How anyone could allow this to happen to their own child is astonishing and neglectful.

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