All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

Enid Blyton was a bugger for the food descriptions as well. It's a source of constant sadness that I will never enjoy a pop cake (Magic Faraway Tree) or toffee shock.

Well, that is just genius.
Is that you JKR?
😂

Get ahead of JKR @turbonerd: resist the chocolate & with the savings invest in that small farm, then use it to make your fortune:
• owl displays (with Muggle participation of course)
• “unicorn” & “abraxan” rides
• “Quidditch”
• a soft play area (that adults can use too)

• glamping • encouraging children to hunt for Fantastic Beasts with pond-dipping/bug-hunting/making biodegradable bird feeders • offering classes in making [non-alcoholic] cocktails (potions) • all kinds of garden-centre type-stuff (Herbology) • learning about real frogs • making chocolate frogs (& setting up a frog card exchange for swapsies) • A GIFT SHOP that you can stock malteser reindeer in with the justification maltesers are a chocolate beloved of British muggles & the reindeer follows the animal theme. You could add on others that do too - the proper fancy Wizarding World ones, but also Freddo frogs; Percy Pig & Colin the Caterpillar sweets; ALL the different supermarket caterpillar cakes; MooFree Choccy Chums; Cadbury’s Animal Biscuits… and of course you’d need to sell sherbet lemons…

JKR made me realise that there is such a thing as MALTESER REINDEERS that cost 19p at the clear-out section in UK shops, but we will never Get them in my country.
I cry. Curses!

If we do ever get them in my country they will cost a small farm and be crushed to bits in the bag.
I cry again.

Oh, @SleepOhHowIMissYou you silly sausage! A full English in an American theme park? Surely a guarantee that it will be as dust & ashes. In this instance, perhaps with the tiniest sprinkling of Floo Powder? However, a wickedness to have it as a menu item, because so many people will be tempted, even knowing, logically, what disappointment must await.

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals

Tbf George RR Martin was doing that first

That ones actually a vaguely genuine complaint I really, really want to go for both my own sake and the DDs, but I do resent quite how much money it's all going to cost me!

(And not just in merchandise spending money for me!)

Shes done a Vanishing Charm on DDs Vub Necker. And sneaks into DDs room to mess up her clothes, drawers and toys.

Last time I was at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Florida, JKR bewitched me with her temping plastic facsimile of a Full English Breakfast in the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley. Judging by the taste and texture, I think she actually swapped my breakfast out with the plastic food in the window. Why JKR? Why?

Count yourself lucky @HerculesMulligann: She Who Must Not Be Named obliviated me after I saw Harry Potter and the Cursed Child for the first time (one way to ensure I deserved my “keep the secrets” badges I suppose ); so on repeat reviewing I again experienced such genuine & visceral fear that I basically climbed into the lap of the person beside me Suppose at least it was the person I was there with rather than a random stranger; & in my defence, there was a certain element of said individual clutching at me as if I were their last-conjured patronus & their wand had just snapped…

And on the subject of food, all the people whining about how JKR has cruelly booted them out of Hogwarts now they are 40 by having opinions that mean they would be “unsafe” there acromantula, dark magic, Death Eaters, dementors, dragons, lethifolds, snatchers, Umbridge, vampires, Voldemort, werewolves (etc) obviously fine Do Not Know They Are Born. Rowling & her Hogwarts meals have been shamelessly oppressing everyone with any kind of dietary restriction who wants to attend Hogwarts. Including, might I just add, having chocolate as a panacea - first you send a student into anaphylaxis at their meal Jo; then the “cure” kills them. Lovely.

And now I am going to have to eat some NoMo caramel chocolate to recover from the absolute trauma recalling & sharing this has put me through.

She wrote an amazing play, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, and I was obliged to spend hundreds of £££ on tickets for me and my 10 year old daughter to have a brilliant day out in London last week seeing the play, going out for dinner etc. The absolute audacity of that woman.

JKR broke into my house and added a load of extra chilli to my daal for this week. Thanks Joanne!

[quote Waitwhat23]@viques if you had been foolish enough to buy Tunnock's snowballs, no doubt JKR would have poked her finger into the centre of each one, destroying its structural integrity. I simply wouldn't put it past her.

Is nothing sacred?[/quote]
Don’t put ideas into her head, she’s got enough of her own!

She would probably hide stuff in the snowballs, bits of coal, feathers, Lego ,tiny things without mouth appeal.

On second thoughts. No, no she wouldn’t do that, I’m making it up, scroll on by JK, scroll on by.

She just made Ronnie O'Sullivan pot the white.

And she made Zhao Xintong lose yesterday.

@viques if you had been foolish enough to buy Tunnock's snowballs, no doubt JKR would have poked her finger into the centre of each one, destroying its structural integrity. I simply wouldn't put it past her.

Is nothing sacred?

God dammit!

She wrote amazing descriptions of huge delicious meals and that made people eat and now everyone's fat and there's an obesity crisis and she caused it.

Mercifully, @viques, she took pity - they arrived safely, unused & unopened, albeit with the knockdown ginger delivery technique having apparently been stepped up to hurling parcels in the general direction of front doors; the THUD! of the collision to serve in place of knocking. So I got scared witless by it arriving very late - & loudly - with no warning, but at least they’re fit for use!

That is a teacake travesty. Has she no shame at all?! I suppose the only thing you can do now is buy yourself double Tunnocks every time, just to try to thwart her wicked ways.

@Blueberryflavour
Such is her power that she managed to break through my “no substitutes” setting on my order this week. To replace my vegan “chicken” kievs with vegan “fish” somethings, which is a dreadful thing to do to someone whose brain is so disgusted by the distant memory of fish that it uses it as a seizure smaste.
Why Jo, why?

(As a side note, why can’t temporal lobe seizures smell/taste of NICE things? There are loads of nice things that are distinctive & memorable, but instead you get mind-mangled AND want to brush your teeth & gargle 5eva. Ewww.)

JKR takes up all the spaces in the school car park. Every morning & afternoon.

All those crazy substitutes on your online food delivery that’s JKR, she has bewitched all the supermarket computers. So when you are looking at a strawberry yogurt instead of a banana and sanitary pads instead of nappies or they say there is no sliced bread in stock you know who to blame!

sorry .... their