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Original poster

All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

532 replies

WandaWomblesaurus73 · 05/01/2022 21:08

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

OP posts:
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11
Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 19/01/2022 16:35

JKR is responsible for all the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park being girls.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/01/2022 16:12

That should read stealing dinosaurs.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/01/2022 16:12

I've just read that apparently GC feminists are speaking dinosaurs.

I'm pretty sure JK has the Rutland Ichthyosaur stashed under her bed. And a T rex in her swimming pool.

Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 16/01/2022 17:00

You know that scene in An Affair to Remember where Deborah Kerr is merrily chatting to the taxi driver and then she gets out and rushes all excited to meet Cary Grant at the top of the Empire State Building but she gets hit by a car?

Guess who was driving it?

That's why she "says" she doesn't drive. Doesn't mean she can't drive!

See also Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/01/2022 16:12

She knocked DDs box of Hama beads of the table earlier.

CircleofWillis · 16/01/2022 16:06

@Feelingoood

She’s in the kitchen now rustling up some coffee. Bless!
DON'T DRINK IT FEELINGGOOD! I usually dispose of her drinks in the large spittoon next to the fireplace when she turns around. The only time I actually drank a beverage there I woke up with two extra kidneys.

I ate some fruit there a few years ago and now I have to spend every winter in the underworld.

NitroNine · 16/01/2022 09:12

J K Rowling has repeatedly deleted my reply to @turbonerd Angry

The Kneazle is called Brontë, short for Brontosaurus - kept very cunningly disguised around The Muggles…

Feelingoood · 16/01/2022 09:00

She’s in the kitchen now rustling up some coffee. Bless!

Wauden · 16/01/2022 00:25

She caused the end of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 15/01/2022 22:28

She gave me measles when I was ten.

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turbonerd · 14/01/2022 13:18

Now I remember why I tagged Nitronine: for the beautifully written post that made me WANT to be lightly singed after a tussle with a dragon, and then be engulfed my magic darkness in a magnificent study. And I want to know the name of the large fluffy white kneazle.
Please. 🤓

IcakethereforeIam · 14/01/2022 12:24

She ate a starling...whole, then vomited it up on the landing carpet so my younger sister skidded on it! Or, she made the cat do it. Either way, 30-odd years later, it still makes me chuckle even though I had to clean it up. Long streak of bird guts...yuck! Obviously, I'm conflicted.

Igneococcus · 14/01/2022 09:14

Are you off that hill yet Wanda? If you are on any of the hills close to me I can bring you a cup of tea and some breakfast.

turbonerd · 14/01/2022 09:11

Ha!!!
I did!!
I did tag you 🙅🏼‍♀️🙅🏼‍♀️🙀😸

turbonerd · 14/01/2022 09:10

@NitroNine

Forgotten what it was, because of JKR, but it looks as though for the first time in History I have managed to tag someone!!

SirSamuelVimes · 13/01/2022 19:05
Grin
Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 13/01/2022 18:21

I've just discovered it's not my shoe either. It's a fucking portkey. Now I'm standing on the top of a hill in the Highlands in my pyjamas.

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimes · 13/01/2022 15:10

@WandaWomblesaurus73

Rowling just made my cat vomit in my shoe. Again.
That's not a cat. It's one of her familiars.
Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 13/01/2022 14:00

Rowling just made my cat vomit in my shoe.
Again.

OP posts:
NitroNine · 13/01/2022 11:34

@turbonerd

Clothes torn, your hair slightly singed from an encounter with a Welsh Green dragon, you edge your way into the palatial book-lined study & creep towards the enormous desk at the far end of the room. The winged chair behind the desk is turned away from it to face the window that spans almost the width of the room, providing a stunning view of forest, lake, and mountains - and a remarkable number of owls of all sizes and hues criss-crossing the sky. So true is it to its name that you don’t see the Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder as it is flung into the air just as you reach the desk - it has already plunged the room (despite its enormous window) into a darkness so complete it is almost tangible. You dare not move, disoriented by the impenetrable opacity by which you surrounded; but the occupant of the room has no such qualms - as soon as the powder takes effect there is a slight creak creak of the chair, and mischievous laughter that diminuendoes as the accompanying running footsteps fade away. Resigned, you turn away from the desk, drop to your hands & knees, & begin to crawl towards - you hope - the door. The room feels even larger than it did when you walked across it, and you have an uncomfortable sense of being watched, so you are hugely relieved to finally reach the door and get out. As you take a moment to recover from the experience, sitting with your knees drawn up to your front, leaning against the wall, a large fluffy white kneazle exits the room. It gives you an appraising look, gently butts at your ankle with its head, then trots away down the corridor with a swish and flick of its bottlebrush tail…

GrinGrinGrin

On an unrelated note, J K Rowling has stolen my glasses-cleaning wipes, drat the woman. Shameless, that’s what she is. This is ABLEISM, this is. And probably sectarianism violence as well.

SirSamuelVimes · 12/01/2022 19:21

Well she did invent time turners so that makes sense.

Waitwhat23 · 12/01/2022 18:38

@SirSamuelVimes ah, fair play. The villainy of JKR in describing magical treats (actual jumping chocolate frogs for example) which are unattainable knows no bounds. She clearly used some sort of dastardly time travel in order to influence other writers.

SirSamuelVimes · 12/01/2022 16:30

It wouldn't be the same, @Waitwhat23 ! I want actual magic food Grin

Waitwhat23 · 12/01/2022 15:44

From a recommendation on another board, I bought 'Cherry Cake and Ginger Beer' (a receipe book of items from children's literature. It's brilliant - muffins (from Millie-Molly-Mandy) particularly nice.

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