All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

As a rights hoarding dinosaur who aspires to become a rights protecting dragon I must remind everyone once again that JKR made Hagrid misgender Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback. Oops, Norberta. Then again, who knows? No-one asked the dragon.

She has never once come down my chimney on Christmas Eve; eaten a mince pie, downed a snorter of sherry and then filled my stocking with thoughtfully chosen small gifts!

I have quite a personal gripe with JKR. She made my period come on the very day that we have a family celebration. All I want to do is curl up in a ball.

Damn you JKR.

JKR is responsible for my misreading “patsy” as “pastry” in @Delphinium20’s post. And indeed responsible for my wondering why both JFK & his [alleged?] assassin both identified as pâtisserie products 🤔

And she’s responsible for the fact my now wondering about exactly which type of pastry Oswald [never] claimed to be is actually stopping me from sleeping. Apparently Krispy Kreme was founded in 1937 & Dunkin Donuts in 1950, so perhaps Oswald was after IDing as some of their extraordinarily unappetising-looking offerings?

It wasn’t Macbeth, Rowling has murdered sleep. Just other people’s though, not her own. Absolutely mercilessly Avada Kedavra-ed it; then used Dark Magic to steal said rightful repose of others so she can write all night but look & feel fresh as a daisy the next day. Out there indiscriminately causing raging insomnia/disordered sleep. (I might not mention this to my sleep specialist. But we know it’s true, all the same…)

I have it on good authority that JKR was behind the John F. Kennedy assassination in 1963. Why else would Lee Harvey Oswald claim to be a patsy? Just because she wasn't born yet doesn't mean she's not responsible.

You know when you look at an analogue clock the instant after the second hand has moved and you think it must be broken because it takes too long for the hand to move again? Yep, her again.

You know those arseholes that can rise from a cross legged position into standing without putting their hands down, making the rest of us look like massive glacial pricks as we get to our knees then lever
ourselves up with our hands?

Yeah. Her.

JKR was instrumental in getting Edinburgh Council to go ahead with the tram extension even before the public enquiry finished thus making it near impossible for me to get around my city for THREE FUCKING YEARS.

JKR pushed me, causing me to trip over the stupid threshold that a previous cheapskate occupant didn't pay to have removed when the extension was built, fall hard on the floor, causing a huge "golf ball" to swell up on my knee, and later bruised knees and shins, smashing my laundry basket up in the process, what a biatch.

@PuttingDownRoots
Yes - am trying to work out if I can get away with the kids’ medium or need to spring for the adult one. It’s transpired wearable blankets are the garments of my dreams (no pun intended…) - I have ordered a Hedwig one from M&S yes, I know using some of my cripple!bonus antifreeze payment.

She made me fall in love with Cormoran Strike. A love that will always be unrequited. She made me read the books. She put him into my head and my heart but it's Robin and her flawless alabaster skin and strawberry blonde hair he loves 😭

@NitroNine are you meaning on the House ones? I've taken a guess its the same size as the other ones they sell.

JKR forbade Dunelm to share actual dimensions/sizes of their blanket hoodie things; instead they mock us with their folded sizes on the website, & customer services promise to email the information & do not. Those of us who routinely wear children’s clothes (I mean buy from the childrenswear dept; am not mugging the nation’s youth to fulfil my sartorial needs/desires) need to know if we actually need to work out for the adult size or not in this instance.

@Brokendaughter
To fill her big vault of gold at Gringotts for swimming in like Scrooge McDuck?

I am gutted to report that JKR must have used her tremendous wealth to buy the last 2022 Royal Arms 1/10oz gold bullion coin at the Royal Mint, depriving a 12 year old of a coin he spent months saving up for, so now he has to put up with a skanky 2023 Britannia 1/10oz gold bullion coin instead.

Are there no depths she won't stoop to?

We reckon she uses them as buttons because why else would she want such titchy coins?

Meat crunchies?! Is it like pork crackling?

😯
She does good things for children.
Omg, dreadful woman.

Bitch just smudged one of my nails when I spent ages painting them.

I think it was JKR who pushed a 26kg dumbbell off the bench onto my big toe. My toe was very black and the nail is about to drop off 😥

Its JKs fault my DDs Yr5 class have had a brilliant term learning folklore, doing explosive science experiments, writing stories and learning about space, and will be having epic dress up day on Monday as they pretend to be at Hogwarts. Plus a well anticipated trip to a certain studios next month. Its apparently the favourite topic throughout the school and frequently mentioned by the Yr6s leaving.

Its truly horrific that 9/10yos get to enjoy school this much!

JKR came to my house while I was out. She made a 3 course dinner for a bunch of people I don't know, but didn't leave me any. She also used all my pots and pans and didn't wash up after!

I tell you, she's a one woman menace to society

It's JK Rowling's fault that I have started to listen to the audiobook of The Ink Black Heart on top of buying the hardback book for my partner.
She came into my house, FORCED me to go to my Amazon, ordered the book in paper and audio form, added some Fantastic Beasts and Harry Potter merchandise to my cart and then checked out!

She poked me in the ribs when I objected with her sharp typing calloused fingers and sneered in a raspy voice "Do it Terf-face."

And then she laughed that laugh of hers. You know the one. The laugh that sounds like the taste of mulled wine and pigs in blankets on Christmas Eve.

It's JKR's fault that Billy Bragg keeps talking shit on Twitter.

If she wasn't constantly sticking her wand in him he would maybe stfu and eat a crunchie.

It's JKR's fault there was meat in Crunchies to begin with.

This morning She Who Must Not Be Named had hidden the source of the vegan crunchies under a digital invisibility cloak so I could not direct EmbarrassingHadrosaurus to them. She is frankly cavalier when it comes to our ability to restore ourselves after fending off Dementors…

I love working with anaerobes usually but trying to get equal amounts of floppy noodles into Hungate tubes was pretty tedious.
I hope Konjac improved in taste since then, I can still remember the smell and I didn't want to eat it and I eat pretty much anyything except liquorice.