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Original poster

All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

532 replies

WandaWomblesaurus73 · 05/01/2022 21:08

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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MrsWooster · 05/01/2022 22:06

She made me show the kids the Siri “lumos” trick and then, enchanted with my wit and humour, say “wingardium leviosa!” and fling my phone high into the air.
DC looked at me deadpan and walked away but I thought I was so funny I may have done a slight wee on the clean sheets. JK’s fault.

Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 05/01/2022 22:06

JK Rowling was riding a chopper bicycle down my street, and as she cycled past me, she stuck her high heeled shoe out and kicked me in the bum so that I fell into a bush.

About five minutes later, she came cycling back down the street on a different bicycle wearing a fake moustache, a beret and some onions round her neck. She then asked if I was ok. I said "You kicked me into a bush Jo" and she laughed again and said "You smell of wee."

And then she cycled off down the street singing "I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me..."

Again.

OP posts:
stinkycheeseman · 05/01/2022 22:06

@WandaWomblesaurus73 pic please, I want to be disgusted too.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 05/01/2022 22:04

JKR is the reason i have no coconut milk for my salmon curry tomorrow

Wicked woman

AndSoFinally · 05/01/2022 22:03

And the straw holes on Capri Suns. Bitch

Deadringer · 05/01/2022 22:03

I put on at least a stone over Christmas, and it is definitely JKR's fault.

theNumbersStation · 05/01/2022 22:02

JKR invented that plastic packaging that can only be opened with a chain saw.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 05/01/2022 22:01

She did not curl up and die like I expected her to after I repeatedly assaulted and dehumanised her - until she was alone and destitute with our kid.

She then had the fucking audacity to personify that revenge is to live well.

Fucking bitch.

Spitspotsput · 05/01/2022 22:00

The power of this woman!

RestingPandaFace · 05/01/2022 21:54

JKR made it rain when I was out for a run earlier.

Giggorata · 05/01/2022 21:50

JKR mixes up the bin days, so I out the wrong colour bin out, which then gets ignored.

She caused the word mushrooms to be erased from the shopping list I wrote for DH, so there are none.

She snapped the pull cord in the loo, as well.

ladymalfoy · 05/01/2022 21:49

@NitroNine love your Wicked list . It's Ace!
Can I add
She's responsible for 'sharing bags' AND 'peel to re-seal' to save the same.
I don't want to share or re-seal my Dinky Deckers

NitroNine · 05/01/2022 21:45

• JKR trains black cats to lie concealed on dark stairs
• JKR makes toast fall buttered side down
• JKR makes pencil leads snap & refuse to sharpen properly

  • JKR sneaks (dirty) tissues into your trouser pockets between you checking they’re empty & you putting them in the washing machine • JKR casts “muffliato” so you do not hear your cat(s) coughing up hairballs AND hides your slippers, causing you to tread barefoot in the mess of bile & fur Envy Not. Envy. • JKR is responsible for all the “May Contain Traces Of” & associated “if you have an allergy just don’t eat it” shenanigans; ditto the nonsense cop-out that is “plant-based” foods which are not actually suitable for vegans nor for people allergic to dairy &/or eggs. • JKR moves; steals; AND swaps bookmarks. Her wickedness knows no bounds. • JKR makes bananas go from green to brown with no pause at “edible”. • JKR scatters Lego under the feet of anyone she can reach. • JKR makes the colours run when you do laundry…
MissSteak · 05/01/2022 21:44

JKR was on the grassy knoll.

ladymalfoy · 05/01/2022 21:43

JKR punched two of my Tunocks Teacakes whilst they were still in the box.
I had to eat them first.

Artichokeleaves · 05/01/2022 21:42

JKR just set off my car alarm. Definitely her zooming about outside, probably on a broom again, she's always at it. No consideration. If it's not that she's turning herself into a cat and leaving muddy footprints all over my bonnet.

theNumbersStation · 05/01/2022 21:40

I know someone is putting empty milk bottles and orange juice cartons back in the fridge.

Who does that?

I’ll tell you who.

Stand up Joanne…

Cailleach1 · 05/01/2022 21:38

She is directly responsible for writing books which lured my offspring into become a voracious reader. Some suspect magic right there.

HaroldMeeker · 05/01/2022 21:38

JKR just scared my cat by farting so loudly, he woke up.

Chewbecca · 05/01/2022 21:36

Hufflepuffs are the main contributor to climate change.

Gumbomambo · 05/01/2022 21:35

JKR loosened the third step from the top, just enough to creak at 3 am when the cat goes over it, so my son thinks it’s ghosts and has to get in bed with us. I believe she also taught him to crawl over the bed to my side on his sharpened elbows but that bits just conjecture.

Truthlikeness · 05/01/2022 21:34

I'm reliably informed she played a key role in the Permian-Triassic extinction event, which killed off 96% of all species on earth.

sharksarecool · 05/01/2022 21:33

JK Rowling always outbids you on Ebay in the final seconds.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 05/01/2022 21:32

In honor of this thread I've reverted to an old name.

She killed Dobby. And Hedwig. And Fred. And so so many others.

She really is the worst.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 05/01/2022 21:30

I don’t know why you are wobbling about with these minor crimes!

She killed Sirius Black!
And Colin Creevy!
And Dumbledore!
And lots and lots of other people.

She is a serial killer!