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Original poster

All the bad things JKR has done. A history.

532 replies

WandaWomblesaurus73 · 05/01/2022 21:08

I think this is a good time to go over all the bad things JKR has done (as started on the did he or didn't he Jon Stewart thread)

Earlier, I went into the bathroom and I noticed JK Rowling had moved the cat litter tray so I stood in a little bit of cat poop.

OP posts:
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Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 08/01/2022 01:45

JKR put the stones in avocados.

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Giggorata · 08/01/2022 00:59

JKR put a hex on the contents of the big kitchen cupboard, so that when I took everything out to clean it, there was too much stuff to fit back in.
(Anyone need a h-u-g-e pale green casserole dish?)

JKR gave one of the dogs nightmares, so that we were awakened in the middle of the night by the most blood curdling howl you have ever heard.

NitroNine · 07/01/2022 21:07

JKR keeps distracting me from The Christmas Pig with FWR. Presumably playing a very long & twisty-turny game there… Hmm

yourhairiswinterfire · 07/01/2022 21:02

JKR is the reason it didn't snow here on Christmas day 😞 Grinch.

VelvetChairGirl · 07/01/2022 20:51

She stole all the salt from the new KFC thats just opened, which is why my son didnt get any salt packets with his chips, not once but twice this week!

Burnername101 · 07/01/2022 20:47

Do you know what she did?

She wrote a bloody series of detective books that were so fucking good I have stayed up till 2am reading every night for the past week. (And then mashing buy it now on kindle so I can start the next one) I’m back at work this week and I’m fucking exhausted. My eyes are sore from reading and i STILL can’t put the fucking thing down.

She’s enchanted the damn books, that’s what she’s done. The bloody ebook version of the redshoes.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/01/2022 19:13

I've heard she stolen a TARDIS from Gallifrey, and is planning a Cyber man vs Dalek War.

Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 07/01/2022 19:05

I was walking to work this morning and realised that I had my skirt tucked into the back of my knickers. A saggy grey pair of knickers that had a hole in them.

JK Rowling had gone into my underwear drawer, made a hole in the knickers with a bic biro, put a spell on me to make me wear them and then did a Skirtus Flappus charm to make my skirt tuck into them and then as I noticed and tried to correct the problem she made me slip in eggy seagull poo.

From my humiliated position on the cold pavement I suddenly heard a giggle. A small child was laughing at me and pointing and I noticed they had a Harry Potter t-shirt on.
She has minions.

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LightningJenny · 07/01/2022 18:59

She turned my son into a fish finger :(

AgeingDoc · 07/01/2022 18:56

apparently she has Shergar
Well of course! Doesn't everyone know that JKR is actually code for Jo Kidnaps Racehorses?

NitroNine · 07/01/2022 18:40

Whether or not “Witch Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless” Wendelin the Weird JK Rowling enjoyed being burned so much that she allowed herself to be caught no less than forty-seven times in various disguises. She then performed a basic Flame Freezing Charm and pretended to shriek with pain while enjoying a gentle, tickling sensation.*

No thought at all for the poor innocent Muggles caught up in the panic she helped prolong…

  • “A History of Magic”, Bathilda Bagshot (1947)
HaroldMeeker · 07/01/2022 18:04

Probably.
Greedy mare.

theNumbersStation · 07/01/2022 18:03

Console yourself with your chicken casserole HaroldMeeker

She’ll have eaten all the black puddings in your area anyway.

HaroldMeeker · 07/01/2022 17:57

She made me get chicken casserole out of the freezer last night, so we have to eat it. I now want a black pudding supper. Fukksake.

JKRowlingDevilWoman · 07/01/2022 15:28

She made my dog eat something suspect on her walk and now she has insufferable flatulence. Thanks for that JK.

Fallingirl · 07/01/2022 14:21

You know those men who could have written books much better than HP, but for some odd reason never do?

The same men who play football much better than anyone on the national team, but for some odd reason never get picked to play?

That’s JKR at work. She hides their book & football contracts under her bed.

Ferfecksackmammy · 07/01/2022 14:15

@FortunaMajor

It was JK Rowling who told your Mum Mr Frosty was rubbish and that's why you didn't get one for Christmas.
That's it. I'm starting a bonfire and burning all her books. Angry
ihavespoken · 07/01/2022 14:10

JKR bit me and it really hurt... in fact it's still hurting.. OWWWW

Original poster
WandaWomblesaurus73 · 07/01/2022 08:38

JKR creeps into my flat at night and makes me grow three long hairs on my chin.

Why JKR? Why?

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NitroNine · 07/01/2022 08:34

JK Rowling made my cats [think they’re] part-Kneazle, with no regard for how awkward it would make it to have people at my home. She has also made them the most dreadful bedhogs. Shameless.

StrifeOfBath · 07/01/2022 07:20

I know someone who knows her and apparently she has Shergar. Still alive. In her stable block.

AND she nicked the so-called Elgin Marbles and hid them in the British Museum.

And it was her that persuaded Harold to lead his troops down to the bottom of the hill in the Battle of Hastings, and we all know how that ended. Good old roast Ox becomes fine dining beef Angry

DdraigGoch · 07/01/2022 01:43

@AgeingDoc

JKR is responsible for all the times pizza goes from cheese barely melting to completely incinerated in the time it takes to pick up the oven gloves. Also she has all my missing teaspoons and odd socks.
I have it on good authority that the socks were used to free numerous house elves. What a cow, depriving people of their home help before dinner.
LemonSwan · 07/01/2022 01:27

A close friend is very well connected. He was telling me apparently the woke kid actor crew all contacted JK to apologise in advance of their virtue signalling - as they dont really believe their denouncements, but it is what it is JK 'sure you understand' etc.

If that really is true and is the case - well fucking spineless little fuckers does not even begin to express how I feel about that!

I guess I will never really know.

doubleshotcappuccino · 07/01/2022 01:17

She gave my children a love of learning, books and cemented phrases such as "don't be such a Dudley" in our lives forever ...

ChristmasPlanning · 07/01/2022 00:54

And she's always adding things to my Amazon basket