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Original poster

16 yo DS called me a TERF

104 replies

Skatastic · 27/08/2021 09:12

He (formally she) came our as trans at the beginning of the year and we've done everything we can to support this. We call him his preferred pronouns, use his preferred name, listen to his woes.

Had a massive argument with him the other day and he called me a TERF. Other highlights were that when I said I don't want to be described as CIS I'm transphobic.

Another massive argument yesterday because I said I don't believe the 'trans women are women' rhetoric. He said well you don't believe I'm a man do you then? And the problem is no, I don't. I think he has serious mental health problems and this has all got tied up in trans stuff.

What the very fuck do I say? Is there a good way to say it? Why is he so fucking self righteous about it? Told me I can't have experienced any difficulties cos I'm a woman. Riiggghhhhtttt I must have dreamed those sexual assaults, sexism at work, being overlooked for promotions because I had to have time off for poorly children (him being one of them, oh the irony).

Not sure what I'm asking for. Solidarity?

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 27/08/2021 09:31

You have my solidarity, OP. Flowers

Sometimes it's worth 'dropping the rope' as they say - trying to defuse or avoid power struggles. Sometimes children/YP are looking for something to rail against. As a parent, our role is to provide strong and firm and loving boundaries and space for them to learn to manage their feelings. This can be incredibly difficult to say the least, ime. Managing our own feelings, practising self care, balancing listening with maintaining clear boundaries.

In my experience listening and communication is all, but that itself can be a delicate art.

I'm sorry your child is suffering. I'm sorry you are suffering. Hope you can find a way to connect with them again.

www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/teenagers

Jaysmith71 · 27/08/2021 09:21

@DdraigGoch

Why is he so fucking self righteous about it? Because teenagers know it all.

Or at least they think they do.

"When I was 17, I thought my parents were idiots. When I was 25, I was amazed at how much they learned in just eight years."
Mollymalone123 · 27/08/2021 09:19

I honestly would try not to get dragged into any conversation around it as I suspect it’s so there can be confrontation.I have a family member who decided at 12 to go from she to he.I’ll give it another year before it’s not trendy anymore-something else cooler will come along.One of my friend’s who works at same big high school says they nearly have more kids doing this than ones not.It is literally becoming a craze!
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this but I would just nod and agree.

DdraigGoch · 27/08/2021 09:17

Why is he so fucking self righteous about it?
Because teenagers know it all.

Or at least they think they do.