Sophie Beresiner - The Times - Baby Born from Surrogate Mother

57 replies

OhHolyJesus · 26/05/2020 10:04

Sophie writes about the birth of the baby girl she had through surrogacy. I've been reading her column as my interest in surrogacy has grown and whilst the paper gave space to Rebecca's story, the surrogate mother, I want to remember the women who went before her, both in terms of egg donors and pregnancy attempts. I hope they are all well and not suffering in any way, wherever they are.

I thought this an odd comment:

"I, for some mad reason, kick into vanity mode and set about styling my hair and worrying that I didn’t choose the right outfit. It was difficult because it had some strict requirements: it had to be comfortable, be openable at the front for skin-to-skin contact, be cheap in case it gets birth-goo on it, be amazing because I need to make a good very first impression. The best first impression there ever was. No pressure."

And this, from Rebecca:

"Sophie makes me sound like a perfect angel in the column, which I’m really not; I’m just normal. And I’m so happy I could give her story a happy ending. I’m not sure I’m ready to use the word proud out loud yet, but I’m working on it."

I wonder at Rebecca's motivation, underneath all the usual "I want to help" stuff.

At a time of a global pandemic and immense pressure on the NHS, including maternity services, a room was made available for Sophie to stay with the baby overnight, away from Rebecca.

Sophie clearly adores Rebecca so I wonder how much she paid her and whether, as the newborn cloud descends whether they will stay in touch and whether Sophie will be hiring Rebecca again for her reproductive services in the future.

OP posts:

Theluggage15 · 27/05/2020 21:15

@MrsNoah2020 Twice I left comments that were not positive but were perfectly polite and got completely jumped on by the other commenters. There’s a real fan club thing going on. I just stopped reading in the end because her whole attitude made me uncomfortable.

MrsNoah2020 · 27/05/2020 20:46

Agree with PPs. I am sorry that Sophie has been through the trauma of cancer and infertility, but that doesn't excuse her selfishness. It doesn't seem to have occurred to her that it is not in any baby's interests to be taken from its birth mother, unless there is a compelling need to do so, to protect mother or baby.

I suspect her daughter will struggle to deal with this when she is old enough to understand what has happened to her. It's hard enough for adopted children to understand removal from birth parents, even though, in their case, there are always good reasons. For Sophie's daughter, there is no reason, except that Sophie and her husband put their emotional needs before the needs of their child.

I notice that there are very few comments on Sophie's column, and they are always positive. I suspect many readers share our discomfort, but either feel unable to say so, because of the history of cancer, or are being censored by The Times.

CaraDune · 27/05/2020 19:33

Having read the whole series, quite aside from my distaste for surrogacy, I don't think Sophie came out of it well. I also found the treatment of the two potential US surrogates was very unpleasant. I hope for the baby's sake that parenthood works out for Sophie, but I don't approve of a system which legitimates this sort of thing.

Thehollyandtheirony · 27/05/2020 19:27

It was very uncomfortable reading for me.
I seem to remember that she went through a couple of potential surrogates in the US and turned pretty nasty on them when it became clear that they weren’t ideally suited to being her womb for rent- one because of health issues and the other because her marriage was breaking down and she didn’t disclose it immediately. One column sticks in my memory when the poor potential surrogate had to sleep in a chair because the hotel room provided was so grotty with a dirty bed. Awful, awful industry.
I thought it strange to allow two extra observers at the birth, with all the risks that entails at the moment, just so they could be there to take the baby at the earliest possible moment.

Original poster

OhHolyJesus · 27/05/2020 19:03

From memory Cat - and like Al1 I struggled to read all the columns in full - there were Russian women involved in previous attempts prior to finding Rebecca in the UK.

I have sympathy for the road that Sophie has to travel before this with the cancer and her recovery, but still everything about this is wrong.

The little girl is not legally hers, not related to her and whilst that doesn't impact her parenting ability it reads like a present she thinks she deserves rather than a human life that has been taken from her mother, both in terms of birth and currently legal mother, Rebecca.

I really hope they stay in touch and build a life long friendship and Rebecca finds whatever it is she was looking for. I wish I could hear more from her. I hope the little girl knows how she came to be and doesn't suffer as other donor conceived children have.

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Al1Langdownthecleghole · 27/05/2020 18:43

I’ve found some of the columns difficult reading and stopped looking. I appreciate that Sophie has had a difficult time - she had cancer - but the writing was nauseatingly me me me.

I’m not surprised by the outfit comments. What things look like matter to Sophie.

Cattenberg · 27/05/2020 18:31

I’m not subscribed to the Times, but I thought Sophie was planning to employ a US surrogate as she didn’t like UK surrogacy law?

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