MIL only capable of inane babble

It's another one where there's a husband problem. And maybe a father in law problem. They get to their Important Manly Conversations about Work - while the Little Ladies gossip and chat.

Does your husband not see how boring this is for you? Does he not care?

I'd argue that while you are probably obliged to drop round for a brief visit every month or so, joining them for 30 minutes - in which everyone talks to everyone - before you head off to the gym, is the way to go.

As you said yourself - this really isn’t up there amongst serious MIL problems. The amount some women on here have to put up with from their MILs - slagging them off to the whole family, constant criticism and digs, never being good enough for their precious boy…yours doesn’t even really register as a problem. And don’t try to get your husband to slag off his own mother. Our course he’s going to think she’s perfect, she’s his mum. If he wants to complain about his mum first and initiates the conversation then fine, you can join in, but you don’t start the complaining about your partner’s mother unless they’re genuinely treating you badly.

Some people are just like this, she’s not your own mother, you don’t need to mourn some kind of relationship you’re missing. A lot of people don’t get on with their MILs, just smile and nod and be grateful she’s not one of the truly awful ones

Wilsonthedog I have a relative who is a bit like this too, will always rather talk about something that hapoened to their same
cast of characters that only they deeply know from events of decades ago. I think it’s ND and an anxiety response to a social situation in that specific case (esp from looking around at the rest of their blood family), but it gets worse when they are not that happy or not having much else that they enjoy going on in the rest of their daily life. None of us are on best form if we’re down.

The right activity get together that other people have mentioned, might be life-changing in that regard for a person who’s quite down and anxious. But in this scenario if they are already driving OP mad, then in that case it should be the DFIL and the DH who are taking the DMIL out to the new activity and soending the time with her. And that way OP gets to chill out of a weekend, instead of feel stressed out forced to be making small talk with DMIL while the men chat in an exclusive way together about their work which is fair enough on OP. I wonder if there’s a learnt situation about how this DMIL is treated by the male relatives though, that can happen too. But it’s not on OP to sort it out.

It’s quite unsettling when you see it. Constant self centred babble never listening to anyone else so they can’t really actually know anyone or form genuine relationships ? So their relationships must all be one dimensional. Wonder if there’s a word for it.

Agree. Don't stay to listen to MIL. Do something else

And that her previous drinking might have been to deal with that.

Well done her on stopping drinking. It might be difficult or painful for her to do anything other than what she is doing. Potentially internally you have no idea just how difficult it might be for her to do what she is doing - you just can't see it.

She's not your person, but just be kind to her. Maybe see if she'd like to help you with anything - some people find 'doing' easier than talking. Or can you do any tasks while you chit chat together?

That would drive me nuts too op. I’m imagining her and getting stressed for you, lol. Life really is too short! She won’t change so I would just limit my time with her. Your DH thinks she’s great so that’s handy. She’s his mum, he can see them, just be busier and don’t go too. Be nice when you see her obvs, it’s just who she is. My MIL was similar and I just couldn’t stand it so I sympathise.

I think I'd have to visit but make up another friend or errand in the area and only stay a short while. There's being kind for a bit and then there's making yourself miserable by doing it for too long.

I’m afraid you come across as thinking you’re intellectually superior to her. Putting it down to suspected ND is just pathetic - it’s her personality, which is different to your personality. And that’s OK, it would be boring if we were all the same! If your DH and FIL have a tendency to ignore you when you all get together it could be that they think of you in the same way as you think of her - boring!

Your post sounds horrible. We are not all great conversationalists … we may have other skills.. Of course you clearly are! I only have very superficial conversations with my grandson’s step mum because she tries to play games and it is very tiresome. But I do have deep conversations with my friends, who I can trust.

I totally sympathise with you OP. I have two people in my life like this, one is a relative and one is a friend’s partner. It’s really hard to cope with and takes so much effort to keep myself listening, polite, and hiding being bored to death and irritated. I don’t think I’m horrible to feel that way it’s a natural response to being consistently dreadfully bored.

I think your issue though is the forced visits, far too regularly, and you’re going along with being parked with the MIL for long stretches while your DH goes off for his quality time with his dad. Well, the visits aren’t forced. YOU are consenting to them and to an extent setting yourself up for this. Do what some other posters have said and either make your own plans while DH goes for his regular visit to his folks, or drop him off, pop in for a coffee then go off and do your own thing and pick him up later if you really need to be part of the visits. Take back your own time!

Yes, neurodivergence.
Those traits seen in a kid at school have us leaping to support them through life.
Those traits seen in older generations see the same people treating them with utter disdain, or labelling them in damaging terms, in this case, like a "lobotomy patient".

Makes me so sad.

If he thinks his mother is so wonderful, then he can do the heavy lifting of conversing with her and stop expecting his wife to do tedious emotional labour.