Devastated as a result of physical/emotional affair

Cold turkey. You need to block him and move on from this mentally. You can’t talk to him anymore. He doesn’t actually make you happy in anyway, it’s just a chemical reaction to the hot/cold communication and the drama. You need to stop all of it. Stop imagining anything about him and stop replaying it. Fully distance with zero communication.
No need for anyone to get hurt or any family to be broken up because of something so stupid, If you stop this now altogether.

Please, please do not do anything foolish.

Nothing has happened that you cannot come back from.

Please make an appointment to see a counsellor and talk through everything.

I feel that you might just be suffering from postnatal depression. Tou sad tgis started shortly after you had a baby.

Obviously, having an affair is a bad thing but not the worst. You need to get away from, and stay away from, this man.

I think a counsellor can help you to see a way through this mess.

End it. Do not talk to him again.
Get some therapy. If you think an affair will destroy your family, what do you think your suicide will do? Get help, for your children’s sake.

It's created an addiction, you're literally addicted to the dopamine hit of it all , the validation in the moment... like other types of addiction you're left with remorse, self-loathing etc.
Phew this is a trivky one. Obviously the situation with the guy is NOT good for you or your family, you know that. I think you need to go cold turkey.
I think the best and first thing to do would be get yourself into some regular therapy, not one of those counsellors who just goes "mm-hm"... check out reviews, maybe try a few different ones. You're going to have big decisions to make down the line, e.g. whether you are going to tell your husband or not and if so, when and how...
And to help you , with how this has impacted your mental health and so on (which has left you in a vicious circle of low self-esteem and therefore more vulnerable to continuing the affair).
One step at a time. The emotional affair is not helping anyone. Of course u know it is all horribly unfair to your husband.
This guy HAS targetted you and pursued you knowing you were both married with young kids if you could get to a level of anger about that it might help you break free but i do understand that all your negative feelings at present are directed towards yourself. Please do get therapy to help you extricate yourself . One step at a time. Good luck!

Sounds like your postpartum hormone shifts have led to some pretty bad decision making… you absolutely need to remove yourself from the situation. No communication with the man at all, as awkward as that might be across the playground it’s the only way to drag yourself out of this mess. If you love your husband and want to keep your family together, you need to actively choose them - every day. The man also sounds like a POS; trying his luck when he’d be aware of your postpartum vulnerability, love bombing, getting his way then dropping you like a hot coal. You need to stop this now, clear your head and try to move on. Choose your life, choose your husband and choose your family.

Yes just to add, he really did target you when you were vulnerable and probably had PND and he love bombed you.
You WILL be able to put it behind you but deffo get the therapy , you need a sympathetic good counsellor and you deserve to get the help.

This is a limerence type situation brought on by him lovebombing you with attention and then withdrawing it and then coming back again. It creates a cycle that makes you dependent on his attention to feel good. This is classic manipulator stuff. You’ve made a big mistake but you are not in love with this man. I’d suggest reading up on limerence as it really does sound like what’s going on here. The only answer is to go no contact.

I'll get stick for this but I don't care.

You need to tell your husband everything.

People talk and eventually it will get back to him.

Your husband deserves the truth, remember your marriage vows.
If you were writing to say that your husband had had an affair, most people would be saying to leave him, it's only the same thing, but you're the one with the affair.

This situation will never work out well for you op. It will just be ongoing turmoil and misery. You don’t have a future together and even if you did it wouldn’t turn out to be the fairy tale that your mind is conjuring up right now. It would be a shit show.

Your dh and dc deserve better. You deserve better. Not many people get the level of sympathy you’ve had so far on here after admitting to an affair. But it’s clear you are struggling emotionally and mentally. You need therapy and to totally disengage with this man. Whether or not your marriage can survive is another matter but at the very least you need to cut him off now.

Echoing that its limerance.
Also that he has loved the chase and once it all seemed to go a bit cold then the chase was on again for him.
It's made you feel good at times but its just your egos being boosted. It's not the love you will feel for your husband..
Look, we all make mistakes especially when we're vulnerable. Just end contact with him. Don't tell your husband. Just move forward, maybe get some counselling and just be grateful you haven't been discovered..
Your dcs need you so be there for them and your dh. Don't beat yourself up. 💐

@MrFlintstone
OP may want or need to tell her husband somewhere further down the line. That’s not really priority right now when a mother of very small children is feeling suicidal fgs.

I echo other posters OP, cold turkey from this man. He’s a bad person. You’ve made a mistake, you’re human, this doesn’t need to define you/ take over your life. 💐

I agree with everything in the 2nd part of your reply, however, I still think the OP should tell her husband, (who is now part of this without knowing), before he gets told by some unknown busybody. We all know about school gate gossips.

And by the way, suicide is never the answer, leaving your kids without a mum is not something you should be thinking about.

OP good advice upthread. Your dear children need you do not do anything to yourself over this man. This too shall pass. Put your children first in your heart mind and actions

OP, what you describe is called intermittent reinforcement. The psychological effects of this technique are well-studied. It's extremely effective in creating dependency and a feeling of being addicted to someone. He might not be doing it on purpose, but the effect is the same. I'm angry on your behalf, though. He had no right to worm his way into your affections, and now look what's happened.

Cut the other man off. Don't hurt your husband by confessing. Take it to your grave and resolve never, ever to do such a thing again. And get that man to wipe all your messages from his phone - and wipe yours, too. Start over. This was a mistake but you don't have to let it define your life. I haven't RTFT but I'm sure some are telling you to confess to your husband. I disagree. If this was a one-off and you are sorry, and have no intention of doing it again, do not make yourself feel better by offloading your burden onto him. And should you choose to anyway, just know that a LOT of people cannot forgive an affair even if they really wish they could. Your marriage will never, ever be the same if you tell him. You will break his heart.

Hi OP... normally I dont sympathise for people who have affairs BUT sometimes I can honestly see why it happens.
Could there be a reason you done it? Was your husband good to you? Did he make you feel loved / take over when you needed a break etc? You said your home was fine but was your relationship?
You said at one point in the beginning you told your husband about him, what did he say?
You've made a mistake but you need to know why first instead of calling yourself a POS. I also agree with others, go cold turkey with that other man he sounds really self serving.

She's not a horrible person. She made a mistake and now feels dreadful about it, and is not planning to do it again. There are many shades of grey in life.

You don’t mistakingly cheat, it’s a calculated decision.

She’s not planning on doing it again bc her affair partner told her he didn’t want it to be physical anymore. She’s said she’s addicted to him so would be fully immersed in an affair if he was also willing. Ppl talk about consent - her husband and his wife were and presumably are having sex with ppl who have shagged other ppl - they did not agree to this. We all know that had she been a man the majority of posters would agree with the POS comment.

The OP needs to block his number and blank him when she encounters him face to face. He pursued a vulnerable woman and classically lost interest once he’d bedded her. And started again when he thought there was another challenge. It was all very calculated his end so to claim he unexpectedly caught feelings and is wracked with guilt is total bullshit. He didn’t chat with her randomly and unintentionally built something gradual over time - it was all deliberate bc he probably suspected she was an easy target. He’s the utter POS in all this and needs all attention removing from him right now by the OP.

Well, obviously it's not a mistake in the way that adding up a sum wrong is a mistake. You can make a bad decision and later realise what a huge mistake it was.

He has deliberately targeted you because you are vulnerable, he’s a player who enjoys playing with your mind. Stay away from him, block him and concentrate on your mental health and family.

Block him. And avoid him at all costs. Get some counselling. Worse case scenario relocate. Concentrate on your marriage which you said was happy before and your children. You have been loved bombed by a player unfortunately. Feel sorry for his wife aswell.

There’s a school Dad (or few!) like this in every playground (and workplace etc etc.).
Plenty mums will know what type of man he is, stop it now before people start gossiping and it gets back to your husband.

He targeted you when you were vulnerable. Very calculated on his part. POS.

You’ll look back on this as a temporary insanity.

Withdraw totally from him, block his number etc and please find someone to talk to. All the best OP.

Just another one agreeing he’s targeted you on purpose when you were vulnerable. What a bastard. The others have labelled his behaviour more accurately. I feel sorry for you OP as he has ruined the newborn phase for you and destabilised your marriage. Curse him, then delete him. Refocus.