AIBU to ask friends for support during severe health flare-ups?

I don't see anything wrong with asking people. But please make it more specific. If someone sent me something about coming over and taking charge, I would be reluctant to agree without further boundaries. So, I would say, "I need a person to come over for 30 minutes once a day (or call me once a day, or whatever) for approximately 3 days to do X,Y and Z.
I can spare 30 minutes a day for three days but if I have to move in for a week, that would be a different matter. So please be explicit and avoid using terms like "take charge".

No I don’t think you should ask that of your friends or family . It is too vague and demanding .

Maybe more suited to the role of a personal assistant .. request a care needs assessment to see if you are entitled to a personal budget.

It entirely depends on your relationship. My friend has a 3mo baby and got a terrible migraine. She did an SOS and me and a couple of other friends took shifts looking after the baby until she was able to again. Normal in our circle.

But if I received your message, I'm not sure how I'd feel about the 'take charge' bit, change to support me?. And perhaps add 'obviously I don't expect you to drop everything, I totally understand everyone has busy lives, any support you can offer is massively appreciated'. And follow up with what you're asking for once people message back.

Agree with pp, it's so vague. You do need to bear in mind that people have their own health issues, kids, jobs, elderly parents etc so they really need to know exactly what kind of support you're expecting.

I agree with this. Be very specific about how long these visits are likely to last/how frequent. You are more likely to get people offering to help. People don't want to say, "Hmm, I might help, but first can you tell me if it involves xyz?" because they then feel they can't make up an excuse if it's not something they can manage. So instead they'll just say no outright to avoid offending you!

The other thing is to bear in mind that some people are very practical but not 'soothers', and some people are the opposite. Would you prefer someone who is very reassuring but not great at making decisions? Or someone who is rubbish at saying "There there dear" but fabulous at organising things? If you only want people who are great at both that'll limit your pool. But you know your friends and what type of people they are.

IF I’m being completely honest OP (and I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I think it’s important that you get an honest response before you ask), I would think this was too much.

Ask me to pick up something/drop off something/bring food etc no problem. This would be like asking me to treat you like my child. I’ve had friends before who required a lot of soothing and eventually I got fed up, they were always very one sided relationships and tbh I don’t treat anyone like that including my own DH.

I’m sorry you are sick but you want people to tell you to rest etc, you know this, why do you need someone else to tell you?

I don’t think this is the sort of thing that text messages are for. Meet up with your friends and have a conversation so you can explain properly what you need and gauge their reaction.

Asking people to agree to ‘SOS’ comes across as if you need them to drop everything and come immediately for an unspecified amount of time, which people with jobs and families are unlikely to be able to do.

Im sorry you’re in this position. It sounds horrendous. Are there any charities connected to your condition that could provide support?

I also have a chronic condition which comes with extreme pain at unpredictable times.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask that of people. By all means come up with some tangible things people can do to help (like helping with childcare or shopping), but it feels like you’re asking for someone to move in and mother you a bit. I don’t think that’s what friends are for.

"...tell me to rest, recuperate, reassure me I'll be okay, make me take meds and drink water etc."

If I got this request, about a physical health condition, I'd be a bit "WTF?". If it were mental health i would understand. And if it were a physical health condition and you requested help with meals or something, I would understand that too.
But this is a little odd to be honest and I'd probably make excuses to not do it. Or I'd probably just check in via phone.

Would phone calls not suffice?

If I got this message it would immediately put my hackles up
I am hugely sympathetic to living with a long term health issue and how exhausting and lonely it can feel
but your message is asking people to soothe and treat you like a child - and I think that’s the bit which is making me feel uncomfortable
I would expect to receive an sos for something super urgent and acute

I also wouldn’t want to receive this message and would find it quite pressuring to have someone rely on me for this sort of thing or feel guilty for not seeming to care about their excruciating pain etc. I don’t think you can routinely ask people to drop things to come over and comfort you, and I think you need to be able to take your own water and medications without having someone tell you to. If you can’t trust yourself to drink water and take medication then this is something a paid carer would need to help with. I’d contact care agencies in my area to enquire about ad-hoc / drop in support etc before asking friends to take on a role like this.

The OP has support similar to that you're providing for your friend. Her parents look after her son and keep her house tidy.

I'm sorry OP, your condition sounds awful but what you want is unreasonable. You can't expect other people to take charge and make sure you hydrate and take your medication. You could ask someone to do a pharmacy run but not to monitor you taking it. You have people to take the practical load, your best bet is to appreciate that, as it allows you space to focus on getting better or recuperating.

It would not be unreasonable to ask friends to pop over for an hour if they have time to pick up a load of laundry/pick up some shopping for you/take your child for an hour if you’re completely bedbound.

It would be completely unreasonable to ask people to be on standby to remind you to take meds/drink water, take charge of you, or soothe you. That is not a reasonable ask.

If you are regularly in such excruciating pain that your are crying so loud the neighbours can hear, then you need to make an urgent doctors appointment to investigate this illness further and refer you to specialists.

If I got this message from a friend I’d be happy to help but I would also be thinking your partner is beyond useless. What’s the point in having a partner he doesn’t offer you any help?!

Plus I’d be assuming your friends have their own jobs and families? It’s unrealistic to expect that they can spend hours with you 🤷‍♀️ do you claim PIP? A private carer might be the way to go.

If I were your friend I’d have no problem with a request to look after your DC, take them to school for example when you were unwell, but I don’t think I’d be very happy for a request to come round to remind you to take meds, rest etc.

Yeah I would be thinking - you’re an adult, you know this is what you need? Why not do it then?

I do understand that severe pain can be debilitating (I have had issues myself and currently have relatives with life limiting conditions and that have various levels of chronic pain) but they all manage to do this kind of basic self care? The first time it can be terrifying yes, but in long term conditions you need to manage it.

It sounds more like you need a carer. Friends can’t do the role of either carer or mothering.

From your username am I right in thinking it’s endometriosis?