Twin brother expects us to host every time

Was my 1st thought. Book a cruise or a weekend getaway somewhere. Parents do not have to be part of every milestone birthday their adult children have either. Especially as you have your own family.

The thing with people like LT is they also learn how to manipulate people. If the party has to be at your house ok, but rather than ask for a list of things for them to bring maybe ask for a monetary donation and send dh shopping. If you ask for specific items they will stuff it up on purpose so you don't ask again.
Or the other option of choosing a restaurant and making it clear that everyone pays for themselves, though I have a sibling like this and parents always seemed to pick up the bill for them.

No it won’t. Lt will say things are tough right now and I can’t, and bullying pil will say to the ops dh what kind of brother are you?! You’re doing ok, how selfish are you to think your twin brother only gets to be part of your joint birthday when he’s wealthy??
the truth is irrelevant to bullies, manipulative scroungers and parents with a golden child.

The parents won’t pay, they will bully the ops dh into paying for everyone. It’s already happened.

Then they need to make it clear from the start that's not happening. And op needs to make it clear to dh that its not so he doesn't cave.

I personally wouldn't have done that and sent the manchild out to the nearest supermarket 🙄🤦

Just saw lt means lazy twin.
Imo leech twin is much better..

His wife sounds just as bad tbh. Atleast they've found their perfect match. I'm sure they are thinking that since you're better off you should always pay for them.

I've been reading it as 'Lazy Twat' for a while now 😆

Well your husband needs to say that they all need to contribute towards cost and preperations for any celebrations from now on.
He needs to think about how you feel as well.

Be specific in telling LT and family what to bring specifically the amounts enough for everyone there. IE how many desserts from M&S.

Or just put exactly what he bought in bowls and serve it up.

People aren't going to die if they don't get enough starters/nibbles FFS.. your DH sounds like the worst culprit for covering for him, and you both sound like you like things done a 'certain' way.. LT probably does it to mess with you!

I think they are lying low until it is too late to book anything and the only option they can think of is to hold it at yours. I think you need to preempt this.

Since the birthday is next month I would give them another week then say that since they haven’t been in contact you have gone ahead and made a booking for you, DH, your kids and the parents for a celebratory meal and are also inviting the other siblings round for birthday cake and champagne on the nearest weekend afternoon. Tell LT that they are very welcome to come to the birthday cake celebration, but will need to bring their own cake as the one you have ordered is specific to your DH.

Blimey OP, I feel your pain. We have a similar situation with BIL. Although I largely stepped away after the time I found myself hosting HIS birthday dinner (not a twin), and got a complaint from MIL that there was no birthday cake. I really felt that BIL, one of his other siblings, or hismother could have organised that after I'd spent literally £100s on the event.

My brothers are similar, but not as bad. Although recently when one asked if "we" were organising something (ie was I going to organise it and then they would begrudgingly give some money) I replied with a breezy, 'Sounds great. I hadnt planned to but ifyou do, let me know and I'll send over some money". Needless to say, nothing happened!

The ONLY option is for your DH to be very clear to his twin that if he hosts, his twin has to step up - with a direct financial contribution or with specific things he has to bring. And if necessary, be specific. On plus side, it does sound like your DH is open to this and is not just letting it all slide.

And you should 100% ignore any demands requests from SIL unless you and DH agree that youw ill do that , in which case, again, you can tell her to do things like organise x or y.

Do what you want to host your husbands birthday. Get all his favourite things and invite everyone as guests. If BILs wife contacts you with requests defer it back to her.

Eg Bob would love a chocolate cake. Thats nice im getting Fred vanilla but you're welcome to pick up chocolate for Bob if you want too..

If she tries to enlist you to do anything for BIL say No. You are doing a party for your husband and have enough to do. If she wants to add things for BIL thats fine but you won't be organising it or paying for it. Then repeat.

Leech Twat

Book a nice restaurant for you & Hubby & send a family group message saying 'Hi, I've booked xxx restaurant for a Birthday meal for Husband & I, if you'd like to join us this is the time/date. All welcome. Menu is available online & caters to all budgets so book yourself in if wanting to come along'

Make sure they know that the bill will be being split & you're not covering costs before the meal if anyone does show up.

This seems like the best way to avoid the nonsense.

She will be a shameless tight arse too.

If I had a partner that carried on like this (I wouldn't because I abhor man-child skin flints) I would be embarrassed and pull him up on it, making sure we paid our way and hosted etc.

While it avoids paying for the tight arse LT and family, it's rude to the rest of DH's family who don't make OP and DH pay for their own meals when invited to celebrate others' birthdays.

This… from now to eternity. Lovely way for you and your children to celebrate a milestone birthday, and for the rest of the family to pull their weight if they want to celebrate the other.

once the cycle is broken, you start taking turns or let the in-laws organise. Alternatively, go out for lunch but each nuclear family pays for their own.

If you cant go away for a day or two and your husband wants family involved with celebration

Then just text all now to say you and yours are doing something different now and plan to book a resturant on xxx day / time.

Also say regarding payment they pay for their own food/ drink on the night as you will be asking for a seperate bill for yours.

Harsh but husband will still have his family around ( if they come) and they will realise their game is up.

I doubt anyone would mind if they were appreciative and did what they could. It’s the lack of effort coupled with this really gross, entitled attitude that makes it so much worse.

Sorry if I’ve missed it but when is the milestone birthday? Just wondering how much time is on the clock… I agree with PP that they will flip this on you guys very quickly and weaponise ILs. Watch your backs!