AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

This

They’ll be liable for Capital Gains Tax when they sell it too, albeit they’ll have the cash from the sale to cover the tax.

Would you and your brother be able to afford their tax bill if they gifted the house to you?

How much is it costing them per month?

It's not about "not needing the money" from the sale. They are having to put money into it every month which is coming out of whatever pensions and investments they have.

Before I moved to where I live now (in the EU) I was using the flat I live in now as a second home, while waiting a couple of years to move over permanently. It cost me around €250 a month in running costs then, 20 years ago, and it is only a one-bed flat. There are standing charges for water and electricity to pay even if you aren't using much electricity and water over the year. I had taxes to pay to the local council. Rubbish collection was a separate charge and there wasn't a discount for the fact I was only there 8 weeks of the year! Then there was the charge for the house management company because it's a flat in a block. On top of that I had to pay insurance for the property. Then there was the heating as it's a cold country in the winter and the heating had to be kept on.

Did you really ask your parents to share the proceeds of their holiday home? That is so grabby! Unbelievable that you'd suggest someone else does this!

Having only ever been on a plane once as a child, my children never been on a plane and my DP never been on a plane, you can definitely afford to go on some kind of holiday if you have previously been going on a plane 4x a year. You obviously come from a place of privilege. However I must say that I will never understand parents who just don’t want to give (what they can) to their children. My mum had nothing but would have given me the world if she could. We don’t have a lot but I would give and do give everything I can to my children. I willingly sacrifice everything for myself (new clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc etc) so my children can have what they want. And that’s not to say they are spoilt or entitled. I don’t backhandedly give to them while saying “do you know how much I sacrificed” I cannot understand how a mum and dad who are clearly wealthy and don’t need the money can’t see how much a 30+ year holiday home could mean to you and your sibling and their grandchild to carry on and enjoy for more years to come. If what you are saying is true and thru really do not need the money, I don’t understand why they aren’t signing it over to you and your brother to enjoy for years to come. They have every right to sell it though. I’d just be a little sad my parents didn’t want to carry on that kind of happiness for their children/grandchildren.

I couldn't agree more.

£15k for two weeks??? I spent one month in Italy, rent £5k, flights 200 each, so £800, food and going out £250 a week… where is this house?????!!!

In WindUpsVille

I willingly sacrifice everything for myself (new clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc etc) so my children can have what they want.

I don't think going without necessities such as clothes and shoes in order to give your children what they want is particularly admirable. Going without new shoes yourself to buy shoes or something else the children need, yes, but not just to satisfy a want.

What does that teach your children about a woman's/mother's importance in the household?

I agree. I don"t have expensive haircuts or clothes, but I am not going to go without for my kids. That way madness and martyrdom lies.

OMG. I had misunderstood. So you do want the house gifted to you and your brother? Wow! Please don't pester your parents about gifting you the house when they're dealing with a difficult situation.

@notanothermother

“. I willingly sacrifice everything for myself (new clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc etc) so my children can have what they want.”

Noooooo!!! You should treat yourself! You matter too.

OP, you said your husband is a builder so he could do the maintenance on the holiday home, but if you've been having free holidays for years why wasn't he already doing it?

I’m not surprised you are feeling emotional about your parents’ decision. I think you are undoubtedly impacted not just by the planned sale, but the difficulties your dad is having, the struggle this must be for your mum and all those happy holiday memories gathered over many years.

You aren’t unreasonable to feel the way you do, but nor are your parents. I suspect this is very hard for them, too.

Over time, I hope you can put the sadness to one side. Focus instead on all the lovely times you had, and how lucky you were to have the opportunity to have so many holidays there.

Are you Irish/NI? I am and this is totally our family values. I really feel for the OP that this isn't the case.

@MidnightEagle

parents being martyrs to their adult offspring is the norm where you live?

One of our colleagues spoke of life being like that in her family - she’s French. She said the mother of the family would feed her husband and the kids and eat whatever was leftover…the scraps - I found that so depressing, and to allow someone you love to starve themselves to feed you - what does that say about her family? Your mother should be respected and loved not trodden on! Women are not second class citizens! Please don’t let down your daughters by teaching them to accept this behaviour!

I completely understand the emotion around losing such an important place for you and your family. I think it is worth really fighting this if you can. You say your mother is selling it as she doesn’t want to be reminded of what her husband can no longer do. But if he dies in the next couple of years she may get huge comfort from you and your brother taking her on holiday there with you where you all share so many happy memories. She might really regret selling. I’d be having a conversation with your DF about this and I’d be sitting down with DH and DB to see if you can find a solution that is acceptable to your parents. I think your parents will have huge regrets once it’s gone.

That’s terrible 😞

Wow you are a nasty piece of work. She’s talking about emotions and feelings and this being her happy place because she’s spent so much time there with her family and her parents who she will be grieving. You think she as a daughter won’t be dealing with terminal illness of her father or going through bereavement? You are the one attributing the worst motive to her which says more about you than her,

She's not focusing on how her parents feel - that's on her - not me.

They've spent 2 years having these conversations. You're advising the OP to harass a dying man with only 2 years to live about a holiday house, it almost feels like you are asking him to chose between his wife and his kids. He has already listened to 2 years of this. Really? You think that's OK?

This is a good point. It's normal for older people to want their affairs in order, and that often includes selling extra illiquid assets.

It’s not just the cost of maintaining a property abroad ,it’s insurance , travel costs and changing legislation in that particular country which can be a just another responsibility as you get older . If it got flooded for example would it be you and your brother who deal with it or your elderly parents !!You’ve had years to enjoy it . You are being unreasonable and selfish , it doesn’t matter that they have plenty of money !

I am absolutely not asking OP to harass a dying man. The OP’s parents were sobbing when they told her. OP was crying. OP’s DB is unhappy about the new decision. A decision was made that everyone was happy with. A new decision has been made that everyone is unhappy with. OP has identified that this is a decision her DM is making for other highly emotional reasons, possibly but understandably, unrelated to the house itself. It is possible that the DM will regret this in future. Whatever, everyone is unhappy with the decision as it now stands. I think it is fine to have a sensible and respectful discussion with the DF to see what he thinks. I think it is fine for the OP, her DH and her DB to see if they can come up with a solution that works for everyone. If both DPs are on the same page and if there is no other workable solution, then at least OP will have done what she could to ensure no future regrets. But I definitely think this is a case for doing nothing in the short term when emotions are running so high. The situation might look very different in six months’ time.