AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

Of course you can afford a holiday in UK if you can afford to travel abroad with your children now. Mayby not so fancy or often but tbh like the rest of us not having parent wwith a foreign holiday home.

Ask if you and your brother can purchase
26 % each off them, thus owning 52%.
Then you can take the burden of managing the house, letting it out or whatever.

Wow you’re getting a hard time OP but I can completely see why you would feel the way you are. It’s the nostalgia on one hand plus the very real current benefit that you all experience as a family. I actually think it’s a bit selfish of your parents to do this, particularly in this way after you had agreed an alternative pathway forward, and especially if they don’t need the money. I also empathise with your mum that it’s obviously a very symbolic family location which is now difficult for them to access themselves - but I would have hoped that that would mean she could see why it would be nice to allow your children to continue making those memories with you as a new generation. No advice really other than to try and understand (without emotion) their motivation for the change of heart regarding letting you and your brother manage it, even as a trial, in case there’s something else that you can help with. It clearly means a lot to you all.

So you would refuse money from the sale of the house because this would be too generous a gift but you would like your parents to keep the house they can essentially no longer use - or only to a much lesser extent and likely for a limited time only- to benefit your family? How would this be less of a gift than giving you the money?

So if you don't want generosity from your parents it's time to let go. I suspect emotions about your dad's decline and childhood memories are all tangled up here

First question: How are you supporting your parents? Clearly your dad's health is deteriorating and your mum is taking active steps to reduce their responsibilities so they can focus on managing day to day. How are you showing up and helping?

Second question: What holiday options have you researched? We're doing homeexchange. It's a really budget friendly way to holiday particularly when you swap with families where the kids are roughly the same ages as there are often toys and play equipment available.

Third question: You have rightly acknowledged that you have been in a privileged position. What steps are you taking to prevent the privilege become entitlement?

Theterm “happy place” is nauseating

Oh and making memories is another one

🙄

I am so fucking glad my kids don't know how much money I have- I live very simply and have squirrelled away money for their London house deposits- because it would basically remove all motivation for them to work hard. This thread confirms that.

Appreciate it is very different for them to keep paying for something that they are not using, but until this year they went themselves once a month

That's the point most of the posters are making. Not about whether your parents should have charged you rent to stay there. Though I do think you should have contributed to the bills for the weeks you were staying there.

At least you have finally acknowledged that they would be paying for something they are not using.

Clearly they can’t afford it. The parents don’t need the money. Sounds crazy, why can’t they transfer ownership and it be their inheritance.

I've not read the full post but seek professional advise. Structured correctly it could be tax effective.

It is possible to gift a property to children in the UK, but doing so triggers three separate tax regimes, Inheritance Tax (IHT), Capital Gains Tax (CGT), and Stamp Duty Land Tax (SDLT).

The IHT calculation uses the value at the date of the gift, not the value at death, if your parents survive 7 years it doesn't apply and taper relief applies for any period up to the 7 years. CGT is treated as a sale at market value and SDLT may not to apply where there is no mortgage.

An alternative structure is that you and your brother buy the property and pay your parents in affordable instalments.

Definitely worth taking professional advice but all very doable.

You seem to put a lot into a “happy place”, when it is really the fact you spent holidays there with your family - you will continue spending time with them. It is those bonds that make you happy, not the house. Yes it hurts, but it can be a chance to practice this understanding- what matters are the prople around me and spending time together, not where we are going. We can have a lovely time in places that don’t costs tens of thousands.
You are too old to be so upset you can’t have things your way with your parents. It sounds like they are going through a lot and need your absolute support.

I think you are heavily projecting. Nothing here suggests that OP is spoiled.

Unfortunately mumsnetters tend to be jealous and judgmental of people having anything, they like to comment on what they perceive as money grabbers and why didn’t you pay your way even though that isn’t anything to do with your OP. I don’t have anything like what you have with your parents ie a lovely holiday home, but I can empathise with you and would feel the same way. It’s very sad and hard to have this kind of situation come to an end. It does seem a bit selfish of your mum to decide because they can’t go anymore the rest of you can’t go. But that’s my opinion. I hope it somehow gets resolved, it seems sad to get rid of something precious that’s ’in the family’ and that your parents don’t need to get rid of.

I appreciate it’s not about the money, but as you say you can’t afford the upkeep, can’t afford to buy it and your parents don’t want keep paying for it so you just need to make your peace with saying goodbye. It’s the end of an era which is sad for sure, but it was always going to be temporary as you know you can’t afford to keep it going.

It is an enormously rare privilege to have 30 years of holidays in the same home. Sounds rather stifling to me to be honest but everyone likes different things. Your children will also enjoy exploring new places. I think what’s mostly getting people frustrated is how you keep saying you can’t afford anything worthwhile for ‘only’ the thousands you paid on flights each year. That’s more than many people have for their entire holiday budget so you are still better off than many (or most!). You can do so much with thousands - go to a new country every year, explore the entirety of the Uk, have an amazing week on the Canary Islands somewhere.

In any case, you can’t afford it, your parents don’t want the hassle, your brother seems resigned and all this drama is just going to make the kids upset. I’d start thinking positively and pick a new place to visit next year - get the kids involved and expand their horizons. You might actually start to appreciate the freedom (or see it as a silver lining anyway!)

We did the maths last night and with adjustments, we could afford to run it as well as take on the management. We can also borrow against our mortgage to pay 50% of any tax due now. I am going to see if my brother is up for this and speak to my parents again. We had suggested it before and the agreement had been we’d start by taking on the admin and gradually take on the cost so I’m not sure if they will go for it. And I guess I don’t understand why not other than maybe it’s just too painful for them now they can’t go

So again, @DeeDeeDodo, have either of you taken on any of the admin or costs during the period this has been under discussion?

Embrace the freedom of this. You can now travel and explore the world rather than only ever going to one place.
open your eyes and enjoy

I’m in a similar position and understand entirely- it’s the emotional loss - the past holidays and the future you thought your children would enjoy.
its hard to explain as people think it’s the free holidays and that your attitude is entitled but it’s more complex than that - it’s a grief in its way and hard to come to terms with.
you have my sympathy op,

Probably because it will be classed as deprivation of funds should her father need care.

I'm assuming that the parents have had professional advice re tax and financial planning with regard to potential care. But if not I think that's the only thing you can suggest that they do @DeeDeeDodo

But please don't guilt your parents into doing what you want, when they clearly have an awful lot of stress and anxiety in their life.

So despite your dad being unwell and your mum prioritising him you are still determined to ask them not to sell so you can enjoy cheap holidays, have either you or your brother ever bothered contributing to the maintenance and admin before or considered doing the cleaning yourselves,

I think putting your feelings of loss of a property at a time when your parents are dealing with a terminal illness suggests to me she is spoiled. She wants that holiday house regardless of the impact. Most people could contain it and move on but she can’t..,suggests she’s is used to getting her own way.

I suggest that you think about letting it for an income to pay off the mortgage and set aside weeks for your family.

If they don't need the money for care home fees it would make sense from an estate planning point of view for them to gift the property to you and your brother now, but they would need to take legal advice on the best way to do this. And you would both need to be able to afford the annual property taxes, water rates etc etc that you don't currently pay.

But where is it? 😂

Can you at least give a country?

I also wonder whether getting rid of the holiday house is an emotional protection for your mum when your dad passes. It must be full of very strong memories of his presence there and their togetherness- the thought of her having this house when he goes and the emotions attached to it would be easier for her to deal with now than when he’s gone. Returning to places with very strong memories of a loved one who has passed can be just too hard to deal with.

@DeeDeeDodo I feel for you and I think you sound like a lovely family. I really hope your plans to take this prooerty on work out and hope that your family and your mum at least can carry on hsving great holidays there.
Good luck, your plans sound doable and well worth it