AIBU to feel upset my parents are selling their holiday home?

I know it sounds a lot, but any glance at places on, for example, the French Riviera shows places charging that or even more ...

What horrendously manipulative emotional blackmail. Absolutely disgusting.

It sounds like your mum wants to sell it because she is sad your dad can’t go anymore which I can understand but do you think she will regret this decision further down the line? Especially if it has been in your family for so long.

I guess she is sad at the thought of you and your brother going when your dad can’t but I just think there may be a point in the future she would want to go back there?

Could they not let a company take over and rent it out for a few years but non of you go so she can can kind of forget about it and then your mum make a decision in a few years, see if she feels the same rather than regretting selling it?

I totally get it OP, my in laws had a holiday home in the UK we all enjoyed (and helped with the upkeep on) and they too decided to sell it despite previous discussions about me taking over more of the day to day maintenance etc.

We used it a lot, as did my sister in law and her family, and I completely understand your sadness that it’s gone.

In your case, if it’s going abroad that your parents can no longer manage would they consider buying a UK holiday home that’s closer, that they could make use of easier instead?

You must not be good at Maths. Could be cheap flights, and if you only pay for this and dont have to pay accomodation it can be very cheap holiday- so if they have to pay for accomodation, they would maybe only be able to go somewhere once or not at all.

Apologies if this has already been said. I've read your responses but not the whole thread. I think it's totally understandable that you're grieving losing something with so many memories, especially if this has come about, in part, because your dad is poorly and not likely to live much longer. Obviously it is entirely your parents decision, your mum's really, given the circumstances. I was just wondering whether your mum has been able to imagine the future when your dad is no longer here. It sounds as though she is healthy and likely to live for a long time to come. It may be impossible for her to consider a time when she rebuilds a new normal after your dad dies. I wonder if she has considered that she may feel sad about not having the option to holiday with you or your brother at the house when that time comes. That sort of conversation is very difficult and emotional because no one wants to think about your dad not being there. It's important though that your mum thinks about that time too so that she doesn't get there and feel crushed that the opportunity for more family holidays is gone.

Maybe they are fed up of paying for the upkeep while you use it 4 times a year for free

Could you not go camping to France? Eurotunnel £200 and lovely campsite with pool and restaurant around £250 for the week

But it seems the mother then has weird anxietyand projecting over something that may never happen. Surely selling the house to your own kids would be preferred, rather than flog it and have money sitting in the bank account, as your own kids cant afford nice holidays.
Of course the parents can do whatever, they own the house, but I cant imagine this would happen in any other families.
OP maybe should not press, but it is a shame when parents think so little of their kids to not let them handle stuff on their own.

We rented a 5 bedroom luxury villa on the Côte d’Azur for a week for €5000 last summer. There were others more expensive and not as nice, but they were right on the beach. You can still have an amazing holiday if you’re prepared to make a small compromise.

They’ve been going back and forth the last 2 years so I imagine the OP and her brother didn’t reduce the stress enough over that time

I thought I had seen incredible greed and entitlement on mn before, but this takes it to a new level. Not alone from op, but from those who are encouraging her to try and guilt trip her terminally ill father and her mother who is facing caring for him into keeping on this home for the benefit of op and her kids, rather than themselves. And the promise that op and brother will take over the running of it but not the cost, meaning the parents will still have to get involved in discussions and even knowing about it as they’ll have to fork out for work etc. On mn people talk about how exhausting the mental load is and use that term to refer to the practicalities of everyday life such as ensuring you have food to eat, attend medical appointments and pay your bills, and it’s deemed to be such a burden that people recommend divorcing spouses who don’t do their share of it, yet her parents selling this house and thus shedding the mental load of owning, managing and financing a house abroad whilst simultaneously dealing with serious illness is deemed to be ‘of no benefit’. I suspect her parents would see this reduction in their mental load to be a very large benefit indeed. Especially that despite two years of discussions about this the op and her brother and builder husband don’t appear to have taken any of the load, just promised they would do so.

I hope OP’s parents are greatly relieved when they sell and are not subject to guilt trips or emotional blackmail by those who should be nothing but grateful to them for the wonderful holidays they’ve enjoyed for 30 years.

This is a good idea.

As someone your parents age, I can't imagine doing this to my children.
Have you shown your parents how much you appreciate them for letting you use the property over the years or have you taken them for granted a bit?

Are you sure that your parents have no financial problems? Is there any tiny chance they could be gamblers or have been scammed?

Maybe you and your brother could split the bills for it annually?

OP touched on this, @Sartre, and explained that while her brother could afford it, she and DH would find it more difficult - which as she recognised herself could create issues of it's own

I also believe that she and DB "taking over the management" could well take longer than her mum would find acceptable, given her current worries. After all the parents have shouldered this for decades, so there'd surely be a lot of "How did you do it/how do we approach such-and-such?", and that's if OP even had time to do it, with DCs to look after

If you wouldn't be able to afford holidays without it, you won't be able to afford the bills and the upkeep of the property.
It's all very well you offering to "manage" it and others on here telling you to beg them to keep it because "they don't need the money" but you (and the beg them to keep it posters) haven't mentioned actually paying the monthly costs of it as well as any repairs that might be needed.

It's not "free" just because it's (presumably) mortgage-free.

OP maybe should not press, but it is a shame when parents think so little of their kids to not let them handle stuff on their own

But as PPs mentioned, have they shared the load during the 2 years this has been in the pipeline, or has it just been "Oh they wouldn't want that" while thinking only of their lost holidays?

Certainly OP's said nothing about offering to share the load and costs over the years, so it's hard to know

> gone for no benefit to anybody.

I think this pretty much shows how selfish you are
Whoever buys it, and their friends and family - if they use it as a holiday home - benefits
Your parents will benefit from the money - they could treat themselves to all manner of things
Ultimately, you, and any siblings, will benefit from the money as well, if they don't spend it
But in your mind, you don't benefit means no one benefits

If your dad is so unwell that he may well only live a couple more years your mum has huge amounts of things to think about and probably needs this one off the list. There is a lot to plan and organise when one partner has a very limited life left. She will be feeling very emotional about lots of things and the holiday house will be just one. Maybe she cant think about going there without your dad.

All of this.

Have you had financial advice in Spain? Our inheritance tax is different here, in Andalucia you get a 99% deduction under a million. If you weren't to sell it then no CGT would be applicable. I know from my own family how important it becomes to sort out finances and consolidate everything but also the overriding factor was always to ensure they did it in the most tax efficient way.

This is all very emotional and brings up not just losing the holiday home but having to face the prospect of losing them. You mentioned the age difference etc, has your mum not thought that potentially in years to come if she was on her own she might want to come with you and your family and spend time there. You usually find people who have had holiday homes that long really enjoy the lifestyle so would she not eventually want to have that back if still fit and able.

You sound like you have a lovely family and you know how lucky you have been. I hope there is some outcome that works out

Surely a trade off though. It’s either she pays the bills for this holiday home or has to fork out for a whole holiday each year if she still wants to take them abroad. Suppose it depends which is more expensive.

Slightly off topic but I'm struggling to see how a 2 week accommodation only is £15k!!
Where is this place - Hollywood Hills?!

You said the "few thousand" you spend on flights will enable you a small holiday - well think yourself lucky you can still afford that. My kids haven't been abroad on any type of holiday for several years as I'm sure many many others haven't too. Yet here you are moaning that your few thousand you spend on 4 holidays a year, now only allows a small holiday once a year.
My friend and her boys went to a beautiful 5* all inclusive resort over the summer for 10 nights - cost her £4.5k.
I'm pretty sure if you wanted to, you could split those "few thousand" into 2 holidays - perhaps one abroad and one UK.
My empathy lies with your Dad being poorly and not able to travel much, I truly hope you get longer with him than expected.

She could definitely find somewhere cheaper though, even if she moved to the next village across or whatever (I’ve stayed in the French Riviera in the past - it can be done for much cheaper!).

It seems a bit dramatic for her to say she can’t afford a holiday without using her parents’ place. For the cost of the 3/4x flights a year for the family I’m pretty sure they could have a lovely annual holiday. And might actually enjoy seeing other places in the world…

People are mentioning that you’ve had years of subsidised holidays because other posters are making out your parents are hoarding their wealth and are not generous