Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
30 days only
Original poster

When to announce to extended family we won't be exchanging gifts this year?

43 replies

DoYouThinkAbout · 02/08/2026 20:21

I rarely see my siblings. Maybe once or twice a year at the very most.

Every year, we do a secret santa just for the children but the children are growing up and theres only 4 under 18.

We didn't meet up last Christmas and it all seemed alot of work and expense for the sake of gifting.

Would it be really horrible of me to say we aren't taking part in tbe secret santa or exchanging gifts this year?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 02/08/2026 20:22

Ideally in January as some people plan far ahead. Now is better than later.

Roundandroundthemulberry · 02/08/2026 20:23

If your children are 18 or over you might look churlish.

Swissmeringue · 02/08/2026 20:27

If it's secret Santa then you just have to buy one gift? Doesn't seem like it's worth the thought you're giving it, just buy the one gift and move on. However if you really don't want to, communicate it sooner rather than later.

Original poster
DoYouThinkAbout · 02/08/2026 20:31

Roundandroundthemulberry · 02/08/2026 20:23

If your children are 18 or over you might look churlish.

I have 2 under 18. Dsalso has 2, db has 1 and other db has no dc

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 02/08/2026 20:33

You are lucky to have people to buy for. I have hardly anyone now and I absolutely love buying and wrapping gifts.

I'd say buy for under eighteens.

Original poster
DoYouThinkAbout · 02/08/2026 20:36

LBFseBrom · 02/08/2026 20:33

You are lucky to have people to buy for. I have hardly anyone now and I absolutely love buying and wrapping gifts.

I'd say buy for under eighteens.

I rarely see them and it's more of a duty then exchanging of gifts.

OP posts:
Perimama · 02/08/2026 20:39

I didn't see that much of my aunties and uncles growing up, but they always sent a gift for Christmas. Made me feel like they were thinking of me. It is only one present, I wouldn't be a scrooge about it.

NuffSaidSam · 02/08/2026 20:41

I think it's fine. I'm assuming the DC who are still under 18 will get presents from their parents etc? I wouldn't stop if they're likely to go without, but otherwise enough is enough.

Original poster
DoYouThinkAbout · 02/08/2026 20:42

Perimama · 02/08/2026 20:39

I didn't see that much of my aunties and uncles growing up, but they always sent a gift for Christmas. Made me feel like they were thinking of me. It is only one present, I wouldn't be a scrooge about it.

Im the Auntie that buys the best gifts. At least £50/60 per DNs.

Its just I don't know them or they know my dc. Seems abit pointless.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoYouThinkAbout · 02/08/2026 20:44

NuffSaidSam · 02/08/2026 20:41

I think it's fine. I'm assuming the DC who are still under 18 will get presents from their parents etc? I wouldn't stop if they're likely to go without, but otherwise enough is enough.

Thanks, I waa beginning to wonder!

All the dc get loads of gifts.
My siblings are much wealthier then I am.

OP posts:
Morepositivemum · 02/08/2026 20:47

Don’t make it a duty then, make it fun- get people to find out what the person they’re buying for really likes- eg dn loves Harry Potter so my son got a Harry Potter Lego minifigure, another likes puzzles so got a Rubex cube etc. and under 18 or over- selection box is obligatory!! We can all say everything is just a pain but life is about effort and that feeling the kids get in the buying, wrapping, giving and receiving (if it goes right!)

Betadelta · 02/08/2026 20:51

Couldn't you just spend less? £20 rather than £50/60?

TeenToTwenties · 02/08/2026 20:57

Just say now.
The others will probably be relieved anyway.

JustGiveMeReason · 02/08/2026 20:59

Have a chat with your siblings, and the teens, and decide what everyone wants to do.
To answer your question, do it now. Don't wait.

But, my thinking would be to agree to get presents (or do a secret santa) until each child turns 18, or it is very unfair to the younger ones.

oneoffname · 02/08/2026 21:00

Definitely sooner rather than later.
I We are not a huge family and my dsis decided a few years ago that we would stop presents apart from the young children. I find it sad - it has 'saved' each of us from buying four presents , so not a huge saving, especially as we only really gave token gifts anyway ( as an example, when DN was saving to buy a car we gave him a matchbox model car with a £20 note tucked inside). I still buy for my aunties, and they buy for us although they are in their 80's and I'm in my 60's. I love finding the right gift for them.

Moonnstarz · 03/08/2026 07:51

If you want to stop it then you definitely need to speak out now, as it may be that some have already started buying things. I wouldn't wait any longer.
Though as someone has pointed out, how many children have been bought stuff til the age of 18 and should this be the rule that is introduced?
I recall my mum being a bit miffed that she bought my cousins gifts/sent money for birthdays until they were 18 but my uncle stopped for us when we were about 11 (my cousins are a lot older).

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/08/2026 07:55

I'd do 20 pounds for under 18s and no gifts for adults..

Shinyandnew1 · 03/08/2026 08:06

£20 limit!

HoppityBun · 03/08/2026 08:37

The 4 still under 18 should still get presents, as their older siblings did

rookiemere · 03/08/2026 08:42

Put a cap on spending- we do £30 per person. We used to do gift giving for everyone, particularly annoying as there is three of us and nine of everyone else. It’s now been changed to buying for two people, but still buying separately for nephews DCs so our family still has to get 8 gifts ( DS counts as an adult although he is a student so we have to pay for his as well).

I find it a bit irksome having to find something I vaguely want from Amazon for that amount and the whole thing a bit against the spirit of Christmas, but at least there is a cap on it and others seem to enjoy it.

MyPlumHelper · 03/08/2026 08:43

DoYouThinkAbout · 02/08/2026 20:36

I rarely see them and it's more of a duty then exchanging of gifts.

Show quote history

Do you not like your family? I rarely see my nieces but I love choosing gifts for them.

Original poster
DoYouThinkAbout · 04/08/2026 19:26

Allswellthatendswelll · 03/08/2026 07:55

I'd do 20 pounds for under 18s and no gifts for adults..

We dont exchange any other gifts except the secret Santa.

OP posts:
MyPlumHelper · 05/08/2026 09:21

DoYouThinkAbout · 04/08/2026 19:26

We dont exchange any other gifts except the secret Santa.

Show quote history

So then why do you feel the need to do a big announcement five months in advance about this.

If you're only going to get one present out of the secret santa and you're only going to have to contribute one eithrt just buy the present or just say nearer the time i'm not doing secret santa this year.

I can't believe the issue you're making out of this.I don't really think anyone will care. If it is just one present, then I'd buy it. But it is christmas.

nomas · 05/08/2026 10:15

I think it's fine to stop. When it's a chore, it's no longer fun. Maybe you could just say it's too much hassle with Royal Mail.

You say childfree DB also took part in secret santa for the kids.

Does this mean he didn't get a present?

Original poster
DoYouThinkAbout · 05/08/2026 10:55

MyPlumHelper · 05/08/2026 09:21

So then why do you feel the need to do a big announcement five months in advance about this.

If you're only going to get one present out of the secret santa and you're only going to have to contribute one eithrt just buy the present or just say nearer the time i'm not doing secret santa this year.

I can't believe the issue you're making out of this.I don't really think anyone will care. If it is just one present, then I'd buy it. But it is christmas.

Show quote history

I can't believe how rude you are, but there we go...

OP posts: