When to announce to extended family we won't be exchanging gifts this year?

[DoYouThinkAbout]

I rarely see my siblings. Maybe once or twice a year at the very most.

Every year, we do a secret santa just for the children but the children are growing up and theres only 4 under 18.

We didn't meet up last Christmas and it all seemed alot of work and expense for the sake of gifting.

Would it be really horrible of me to say we aren't taking part in tbe secret santa or exchanging gifts this year?

Yes. DB and all the adults dont get a gift only the dc. When it started, there were 16 !

We all used to meet up every Christmas, exchange gifts etc.
The dc grew up, some of the family moved etc so that stopped a few years ago and it just seems very transactional or functional.

As soon as possible.

Hopefully no one will have bought anything yet if you haven't drawn the SS names but telling people early gives them a chance to consider for themselves what they would like to do (maybe stop the SS or go back to ordinary gift buying or whatever). It's also just easier now than in response to someone trying to get the SS ball rolling, when it might feel a bit bah humbug- just say now that you're bowing out and they can plan without you.

Yes, it seems fine to stop in that case. Let them know now, maybe others will stop too. I don't quite know how the logistics works. Does the parent of each child who picks out the name buy the gift?

Although I do feel bad for DB, as he never got a gift. Or did anyone get him a gift?

I personally don't think about Xmas til end of October but I guess you should tell them sooner in case they start buying stuff. So maybe early September? They'll probably mostly be really relieved!

So what is it you object to ? Do you no longer want to meet up with your siblings at all . And not want to buy just one gift ? I feel sorry for your brother that has participated all these years . You can certainly tell them that you don't want to be involved. But I hope they continue to meet up without you anyway. Hope you don't call me rude just because I find it hard to understand your reasoning.

I don’t think it’s pointless. It’s a small thing that shows you care about people. Our lives are busy and we don’t see people as much as we might like but things like Christmas show you still think of people and still care.

I messaged friends in January about stopping sending Christmas cards & they were all delighted - one less chore for December. We will send happy Christmas messages on WhatsApp instead. Hopefully your family will feel the same about gifts x

So say it now. Especially if they are just token gifts - as kids get older they want less gifts but more value.

I always get DB and SIL a gift.

None of us have met up due to location.
Some aren't in the UK so its just not been practical.

We're just continuing close. My DB & SIL didn't come to my ds wedding. So its not just me!

How does a secret Santa work if you're never together?

If this is the last link, as in if you never meet, maybe think about how you want things to go in the future. Would you actually like to meet, at least to enable the kids to keep relationships should they want to? If so, actually sort out a time you can meet, and the presents could be given then. Part of me thinks it would be a shame for you all to lose the possibility of good relationships in the future, but then you're not unusual, in that few siblings see each other much when grown up. But if you feel that won't happen, and this is just a chore, I'd let it go on this year, and stop it next.

Why is one present such a chore?

I cant believe how rude you are to want to formally announce to your own family that you dont want to buy one gift for secret santa as you camt be arsed.

Who do you think you are thinking youre so important this needs announcing in august

We dont meet up anymore so sometimes the gifts end up being posted or left at my mum's and its often January (and even February one year) when tbe gifts were collected.

Seems quite pointless.

I have no interest in meeting up with my siblings.

Some of the older dc( in their 20s meeting up and stay in touch).

I don't think im important, and never said i was!

I appreciate some people start planning Christmas months in advance and don't want family members to spend money unnecessarily.

One sister does it every year and tells us who is buying for who.
I thought she used an App but her dd told me my sister picks.

Then they leave gifts at my mums/dad's home.