Could my husband’s recent behaviour point to dementia or something else?

Could he be depressed? He sounds overwhelmed and detached from everyday life.
If he’s been like this for years he may have difficulty with executive functioning.

I’d be encouraging him to see the GP.
Do you get much support with DS?

This sounds more like he just does not care in any way shape or form about you or your dc. He doesn't want to know, so he ignores everything. He knows if he doesn't do it, you will, but he doesn't actually give a shit if things don't get done anyway.

Why are you staying with him and tolerating such a horrible situation? It is not so much why does he behave like that, but more why are you putting up with it?

How old is he? Presumably if your kids are young, he is also young for dementia although not impossible. There are plenty of other illnesses that have similar symptoms though.
It sounds like there’s a lot of stress going on for both of you, I’d think depression more likely unless he’s a really old dad.

Do you mean he says absolutely nothing when you question these behaviours? Have you not told him that you're deeply concerned about his mental state? How old is he?

Forgetting that you have children at all and taking them to school without being in school uniform is beyond being lazy. I would think this could be dementia or similar and he (or you) should speak to the GP.

I think the fact he's been like this for years indicates thats its more likely to be that he has realised he can get away with it, i would expect him to also be struggling to look after himself if it was a neurological or mental health issue?

Long time lurker never posted before. Your op terrified me . My mother had same symptoms although she was over 70 so everyone said dementia . Then she went for eye test . Sent straight round to GP . Turned out she had a brain tumour . It was like she was still there but not the same

Does he work? Is he able to do his job?
Its weird him not eating. Does he not get hungry?
Does he wash and take of basic hygiene?

I think it could well be dementia of some sort. The fact he doesn't acknowledge it or try to deny it worries me. If he is deliberately doing it to abuse your DC or is just a very lazy sod and wants you to continue to wait on him, surely he'd try to deny it in an attempt to convince you he wasn't doing anything wrong so he could continue to be an AH and not lift a finger, or continue to abuse DS. Sadly the kind of apathetic no real concept he's doing it is very much how my mum was with dementia.

It's not impossible but surely early onset dementia at 52 is rare? I would make him an appointment with the GP and go with him if possible. Relay your concerns and hopefully GP will refer him for tests, scans, bloods as necessary. His behaviour could be the result of depression/anxiety or another mental health issue. Is he working?

Is your son autistic and inherited it from his dad? Just wondering if that's a possibility here.

I don't think it's dementia, it's just how he is. It's up to you if you're willing to accept that or not - but you're not going to change him, and you're just going to make yourself miserable by keep trying to.

The way I would have described my mother was fully functioning in some areas totally oblivious in many others apparently due to the part of her brain where the tumour was . Apparently could have been there years then suddenly increased in size and effects

Kind of sounds like he is hoping you leave him and that way it will be your fault not his.

I couldn't waste my life with someone who has totally opted out of family life.

Having had a close relative with dementia nothing you have described sounds like that disease. It presented very very differently,

But I think a doctor has to tell you otherwise we are all just guessing.

You say he's ok at work but otho a colleague had an accident at work caused by him? When was this? Could it be stressed of being sued causing him to unravel?

What are you doing complaining about the lack of sex when he allows your children to go hungry?

Why is child neglect not an automatic end of the marriage?

It doesn't sound like dementia to me.

Depression? Depersonalisation? Checked out of the relationship? Autism?

If he won't address it or agree to therapy.. is this a relationship you want?

That’s what I thought too.

id talk to the gp about your concerns and they can get him in

Your husband’s condition is one thing but I am also concerned about your son.

You stated that your son tells you that voices tell him ‘to do bad things to people’. What sort of things?

That is something that needs to be acted on - please report it to the GP and police asap.

Hi OP. Some of this sounds exactly like my experience of dementia. My dad had frontotemporal dementia (FTD). It's rare but typically affects younger people (unlike Alzheimer's etc). My dad was 61. Doctors said he was depressed for years but it wasn't. He stopped communicating, wouldn't want to do anything at the weekend, complete lack of empathy, would do some really strange things or say things to my mum that were really abrupt, rude, hurtful etc and just really out of character. Nothing would really bother him - he'd just kind of shrug things off and withdraw. It took a long time for a diagnosis - my mum was back and forth to the doctor with him over and over. Because he was young and could pass the usual memory tests, doctors were so dismissive of dementia but forgetfulness (the first sign of many other forms) isn't how FTD manifests. It's behavioural and emotional changes first. God, my dad went to work for years and was masking the dementia so well. It was only at home when my mum noticed his personality changes and general withdrawal from life that she knew something wasn't quite right.

So many people saying it doesn't sound like dementia but there's every possibility it could be or it could be something else or nothing at all. Trust your gut, you know your husband best. If you can, get him to visit the GP.

I tried to edit but can’t.

The correct quote - I got this wrong - is that your son hears voices that tell him to do bad things. Not telling him to do bad things to others, as I said. It’s a serious matter so I am trying to be accurate.

I think that you need to stop worrying about your husband for the time being and prioritise reporting your son’s ‘voices’ to the GP (and police depending on what precisely he is telling you).

please would you confirm you will do this?

hi Surely - what you and OP you describe is what happened to my dad - he had FTD as well .
OP i really think you should go to the GP with a list of symptoms and talk through with them. I’m sorry but my alarm bells are going with what you describe - it sounds very like my dad.