No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

The sister needs to go along with the original plans. This might sound harsh but the venue have a limit of 20 seats for the ceremony and sleeping arrangements for that number, sister has been in this relationship for FOUR months, surely they can be prised apart for the duration of your wedding?!

I’m all for small weddings but this sounds more stressful than a large one!!!

That's the obvious thing to do first, and it might resolve the whole issue.

The 20 max might just apply to overnight guests because of fire regs or something; if that's the case, then SIL and her DP can attend but stay overnight somewhere nearby.

If there's no flexibility at all, she'll have to suck it up. She was asked if she wanted her DP to be invited and she said no, so it's on her, really.

Find a way to accommodate her. Surely they can fit one more in for the meal? Then book them into a local hotel

You are paying the venue - even if you know the owner- so they should be a bit accommodating .

I don't understand the outrage from some posters. At the time everything was booked, OP's SIL was only dating her boyfriend casually for four months and he needed a visa to stay in the UK plus SIL was fine with him not being invited.

It's not a deliberate snub and OP would invite him if she could, but she can't due to the rules of the venue. People on here are reacting as though OP has excluded him on purpose out of spite.

She’s being ridiculous. She already agreed to this a long time ago and has agreed to the sleeping arrangements. She either needs to accept it or not come. Also at 20 person wedding you were a bit silly to be inviting people out of obligation. You should’ve saved some spaces. Nothing to he done now though just accept it and enjoy your wedding!!

What would you have done at time of booking if the partner was a fixture and not on probation?
Youd have had same problem

It says she and her partner would not have been invited. But OP said living together was a criteria for being invited so...

People should not keep saying, squeeze him in or ask the venue. The venue is very clear! They will not squeeze an extra one in or it would say 21!
The OP has to stick to the original guests etc...her sister might be upset but she knew how it was when it was booked.
Obviously if someone drops out, fair enough, but the OP needs to stop worrying, it is what it is and enjoy her day.

OP you’re blowing this out of proportion big time. Your SIL is fully aware of the situation. I’d speak with her and say you’ve even asked the venue if they can accommodate an extra person and you feel bad but there is nothing you can do now as it was all booked and arranged well before they had become more serious.
you’re at risk of taking the shine off your own lovely wedding for something you can’t change and I’d bank on SIL not being offended by.
acknowledge it and move on x

Has everyone responded with a yes they’re coming? I’d probably say he can come if anyone drops out

How is it OPs poor planning?! They gave SIL. The option and she said no, that’s SILs poor foresight.

It’s just a wedding, sister and her boyfriend will survive missing out. He can go in the stag do and they can have lunch together.

She was aware at the point of the save the date that he wasn’t invited due to the newness of the relationship. She agreed to this. The venue is not able to accomodate and there is no way round it. She can be disappointed but upset after knowing this all along is being dramatic.

Bizarre situation but that's my opinion, why should someone have been with a partner so long before you decide there invited or not, I guarantee if it was you wearing those shoes you would be miffed. I would never do this to especially immediate family unfair and hurtful. I come from a massive family and never once been to a smaller one and some partners not being invited

exactly this.

The sister said not to invite him, OP did what sister said. Seems crazy to now blame OP because sister has changed her mind.

Also, my DH has been invited to weddings and I haven’t. It’s really not a big deal, in fact I’ve been rather grateful, people need to untwist their knickers over weddings. If it’s not you or your kid getting married, chill out!

Personally I think you have explained your wedding situation to her from the start and she knew the limitations on accommodation.

I would ask the venue if they could accommodate one more person for the service and meal. If they say no, then fair enough. If they say yes, you can say he can come but they need to sort out their own accommodation at a nearby Premier Inn or something like that

I had similar at my wedding, only I didn't feel bad and kept reiterating about the venue capacity. We then got emotional blackmail - if Steve isn't invited Mary won't be able to come. This worked on DP who felt guilty, but it only annoyed me. I just kept saying sorry we will miss Mary, but the venue has a limit.

They both turned up to the ceremony anyway 😮😂 I was even more annoyed, but didn't want to spoil my day and ignored them. As it turned out, we had enough chairs because my nephew got lost and didn't make it on time (he has form for this kind of thing). The uninvited +1 had the good grace to seem embarrassed about it when he congratulated me. They didn't stay for the meal.

I can laugh about it now, but SIL was in my bad books for months afterwards because of the emotional blackmail.

I said similar yesterday. Her agreeing last year for him not to come was a moot point because from everything that has been said there was never going to be any room for him. The best man's wife the OP has never met is clearly more important for some reason just because they are married...

I find myself wondering how the conversation went a year ago. Was it explained that there was a strict limit on numbers and then a direct question ' shall we include Bill on the guest list?' or was it more ' there's a strict limit on numbers and theses are our criteria for +1 so you don't mind if we don't include Bill, do you?'. The first question invites an honest answer but for me, the second question would make it clear you don't want to include Bill and I would feel obliged to agree with you.
FWIW, I hate this sort of criteria. A quick scroll through the relationships board on here would show that a wedding ring doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is more 'worthy' than any other relationship.
I agree with those saying the numbers limit is likely to do with insurance or fire regs etc, so may be difficult to circumvent. I don't think op should cancel the venue or anything, but I do think she needs to be aware that this could affect her relationship with her SIL going forward. Like pose, I'd also be interested in hearing what the fiancé has to say.

Can he come to the venue but not stay the night if it's accommodation that's the issue? Out of interest, where will DP's sister be sleeping?

This. We hired a large 20 person house albeit just for a significant family birthday not a wedding. 2 of the party couldn't initially be there but circumstances changed so they got a small airb&b nearby and got a taxi there and back beginning and end of the day. I think in the end they preferred it that way!

It might be a year later but he still doesn't meet your criteria.

If accommodation is the problem, could they stay somewhere else and join you all for breakfast the next morning?

Do you not live together ?

For God's sake @tentatives stop worrying about this! The sister agreed to this aages ago, how were you to know they would still be together or that he would get a visa??
Please, do not let DP's sister ruin your day, you had arranged what sounds like a lovely, small wedding. Do not apologise for this. Explain to her again one more time then stop the madness.

It is your WEDDING DAY, she has been with this man for just over a year, if she is willing to ruin her relationship with her brother over a man who she has been with for just over a year then more fool her.