No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

OP didn't mess up and she has nothing to apologise for.

If they still say no then I think I would just explain to sister it's this way and leave as is.

Enjoy your special day.

XXXXXX

OP definitely didn't mess up. I agree, but if it can be rectified just be adding a chair for dinner, it seems worth asking the right person.

So confused by the replies here. It’s a tiny wedding and they’ve been together five minutes. He doesn’t need to come and if I were her I’d completely understand!

@tentatives they’ve only been together 12 months, it may not even last. Carry on with your plans and just apologise for not being able to change things, but you’ll let them know if someone cancels.

So you've chosen the owners of the venue over your own sister. Ok, your choice, but I'm guessing there'll be consequences to that decision.

My own sister did this to me. She had no idea who I was or wasn't dating (we've never been that close) because she didn't ask. She expected me to drive, alone, to the other side of the country from where we both live, to attend her wedding at an outdoor venue. She refused me a "plus one", stating a need to keep the numbers down. It was the final straw. We no longer speak.

I was being hyperbolic, obviously.

Circumstances can change, and that was something the SIL would have been wise to consider before she told OP that it was fine to not invite her partner, knowing as she did that it would not be possible to just add him to the guest list later. She’s the cause of her own upset here.

SIL is being very unreasonable. She agreed to this arrangement a year ago, so it's on her.

I understand why she'd be disappointed now, and of course her partner should be invited the second someone cancels. Plus a separate meal out with them sounds like a lovely idea.

But SIL agreed and it's outrageous that she's now trying to insist that either a guest is uninvited (so rude) or that the venue is changed (such an entitled idea)

I don’t think you’ve done anything particularly wrong OP, it’s just one of those things.

However, as she is your soon-to-be-DH’s sister, I would speak to the manager of the venue and ask if something could be done to enable him to attend the ceremony/reception, as it sounds like maybe the limit is down to the number of people who can be accommodated overnight? If that were possible, then could they not have a room at a nearby hotel? That would solve the problem, and I don’t see why asking nicely would jeopardise your relationship with your friend. The worst that can happen is they say no, and you say ‘fair enough, just thought I’d ask.’

And if the answer IS no, then your DH can explain to his sister that you’ve really explored every avenue to make it work (apart from changing the venue or uninviting someone, which would be ridiculous) and unfortunately there really is nothing you can do. But they might say yes!

He still wouldn't meet your criteria for a partner who should be invited though? Or are they living together now? I think this was always likely to be a problem with such a small wedding being planned a long time in advance. Your choices seem to be

1. Upsetting your sister-in-law
2. Persuading the venue to allow an extra guest and finding them a room nearby
3. Hoping one of your other couples splits up before the wedding date

Nothing. She'll have to grow up and get over it.

It's a nothingburger.

You could be jeopardising a relationship with your sister in law. I’d pick sister in laws relationship over a friend’s partner/ husband every day of the week.

i was invited to my boyfriends sisters wedding, we had only been together 6 months and I was shocked to be invited but I was. I had an amazing day and still th8nk it was one of the b3st weddings I’ve ever been to, Fast forward 31 years and I’m married to dh and still very much part of the family.

Don't understand why people seem joined at the hip...

It's your wedding OP. Do what suits you and money- wise.

Go speak to the owners (not their daughter). Expain you are sorry but you need to cancel if they cannot squeeze in one more guest.
But only do that if you do have a second choice lined up and available in case they cannot accommodate your request.
Saving a few pounds isn't worth throwing a dark cloud over your wedding day. Imho.

So you are suggesting that the OP throws her entire wedding away and starts again (spending vastly more money because in wedding terms it would be last minute) because her sisters boyfriend can't be there?!

Thats madness!

The best thing @tentatives can do is say "Sorry but you knew we were at capacity a year ago, and that cannot be changed".

As a business its not about "squeezing in" more people, its often about regulations. Fire safety, insurance etc. Not worth the risk to them for an extra £100 or so.

Why not just have SIL stay somewhere else - is there a nearby Air BNB she could go to with her DP? And then invite him from breakfast and make a day of it the following day? It doesn't solve the primary problem but does show some willing. I would ask the venue though, say you expect the answer to be no but you had to try as sil very upset.

But quite frankly she needs to grow up. It's a shame he can't come but it is how it is given this was all decided long ago. Why no one can go anywhere without their partner any more i don't know. A nice day without mine would sound like bliss these days 😛

Could you ask directly if they can seat sister’s partner at the meal only? They could then stay else where
could you also double check numbers / put some feelers out because maybe someone has child care related problems illness or similar which would mean they might be able to give their place to sisters partner
or you can just try leave it unresolved and get your partner to sort it out! Thats the option I would pick anyway!

I wouldn’t do anything. They had only been together 4 months when you sorted your guest list. She said not to invite him. They’ve still only been together just over a year, it’s really not that long. I doubt he cares that he won’t see his gfs sister get married and your sister will ve fine for one day without him. Tell her it’s your wedding day and she needs to stop making it about her.

I hate this arbitrary rules people use to decide if your relationship is serious enough to be a plus one or not. It’s embarrassing to the rest of the family to say we don’t see your relationship as serious yet.

Im not married to my partner, we haven’t been together 5 years, but we have a child together. I’d class that as pretty serious, but we’d fall foul here.

I would ask the venue, at least you can say you asked. They can only say no or yes. At least you will have evidence if they say no. Also maybe ask the sister in law if they would be ok with an extra guest for dinner only and then tell the sister in law to book a nearby hotel if she wants her partner to come as the venue is only 10 doubles. I don’t see how he can stay though unless they magically get another bedroom built, but you never know the venue might have a solution, it’s worth an ask surely.

I don't understand why you haven't just addressed this directly with the venue? "hello wedding venue, we're really keen to have SIL partner join us for as much of the day as possible. Is there anything you can do?" Why all the skirting around it, it's a perfectly normal request.

He’s a boyfriend. They’re not joined at the hip. I’m sure she can manage an evening without him. She’s being ridiculous.

i agree

You have a child but don't live together? That's pretty unusual for a serious relationship. If OP knew someone in your situation she might have made different rules.

Where does it say they don't live together?