DP has a new female friend he has everything in common with

It's not nice but you're marrying him and have to trust him. He hasn't done anything to you and if he does than you know he isn't the one

Men don’t always fall for women who like their hobbies. Look up “pickmesha”

anway assuming she genuinely is interested in these masculine hobbies, it will not necessarily attract him. He either loves you or he doesn’t. If he is going to run off with the first person he comes across who likes warhammer or football or whatever then it’s not someone you’d want to be married to anyway

Don't get wrapped up in relationships and don't get married. If you want to stay together you will, if you don't you won't. Share as few contractural/financial responsibilities as possible so that there is minimum legal aggro as possible if it goes wrong. If you are proper mates you'll still be together in 30 year's time. Plenty of punani will keep him around

I'd be worried about the similar taste in music, but that's because music and politics are my two non negotiables. Dh and I deviate a bit in music, but largely agree- we have music playing all day, so it's important.

I made a new male friend at a party, a few years ago. We just clicked. We bet quickly introduced our partners abs did stuff as a group though. Dh knows we message one another, but that's mainly because I tell dh what we message. I think dh would have been twitchy if I'd suddenly started doing a hobby with said bloke, just as I would if dh suddenly made a new female friend.

Honestly I have no clue with this one. I’m bisexual but I’m still wary of men who want to be friends with me in a way I’m not with women. Or even gay women. I need to confirm it’s a genuine friendship first. However, a lot of men ARE genuinely good friends with women. One of my male friends literal sits down and joins the women at the pub for a gossip.

However, I do think that it’s quite easy to tell if it’s a genuine friendship or not. I have dated women and if a woman I dated was getting too close to another gay woman, I KNEW. You just do. Whereas a woman I was dating could hug, dance, hang out, whatever with another gay woman and if it was a genuine friendship, I never felt insecure.

That being said, you do need to be able to talk to your partner. You can’t generalise men as a whole like that. Of course you can talk to men about these things. As someone who has dated both sexes extensively, I promise you that just assuming men can’t talk about their feelings is harmful to your relationship. If he can’t discuss this with you in a healthy manner, if you can’t discuss your insecurities with someone you are agreeing to be with the rest of your life, then I would look into that. A marriage is hopefully long. There will be a lot of tough conversations ahead.

You'd also hope he'd sort of read the room and not continue going on about her all the time. Just as you'd be really conscious not to do so about a male friend. If he's not that tone deaf then he may be trying to make you jealous

Why is it always men that absolutely MUST make new friends with people of the opposite sex? Any of us that think it’s not necessary are branded as jealous and ridiculous. I have never in my life needed to be friends with anyone enough to cause an issue in a relationship. Just stick to friends of the same sex and the ones you already had if they’re the opposite sex, that’s not really that difficult is it? It’s just common sense to me.

Why on earth do you not intend to talk about it? Everything you say sounds eminently reasonable and it's perfectly OK for you both to have friends outside your joint interests - in fact I would say that's really healthy, but if you are feeling insecure then it's also OK ( not to say necessary) for you to talk about it.

It isn't necessarily what you want to hear, but this could happen at any time. Getting married does nothing to prevent that. Why don't more people stay fluid with relationships. You might grow away from him and find someone you are more compatible with. And that's okay. I think humans are taught to lean in to jealousy and possessiveness. We end up clingy and co-dependent. I used to be like that. I hope I'm past it. Stay open minded.

If he’s going to have an affair, you can’t stop him. All you can do is hasten it on by being possessive and controlling or by diminishing yourself out of anxiety. And why would you want to make the attempt? What a miserable project.

He loves you. I’m sure there are millions of people who share his hobbies who he doesn’t love.

The main thing that might drive him away is all this anxiety.

I work as a marital therapist. The thing I see that damages relationships the most, is NOT sharing these feelings. Why wouldn't you? It is difficult, yes, but if you are to be married, it's important to have all your cards on the table and to be able to speak freely about uncomfortable stuff (porn use, swxual preferences, etc.) The more we learn about adult attachment, the more we find that such sharing can deeply and meaningfully enhance relationships whereas not sharing can drive a wedge. Little by little. Bit by bit.

Thanks for your input 😂

A lesbian isn't going to drive your boyfriend away. The catty attitude just might, though.

Gay women don't fall for men.

What a bizarre post. Do you imagine that making new friends is something that stops once you hit 25 or something?

Does he really need a new friend? 😂😂 I am older but can’t imagine wanting to make new friends now. Can you do your own hobby with a new man? Or pretend to? I know I’ll get ripped to shreds for this but it might make him realise it doesn’t feel that nice and encourage him to drop the friendship.

If you get invited you again to all hang out / do an activity and she is going, just go! You might get on really well despite the hobbies and she might give you the hint that she is definitely gay!

It's just a piece of paper. Tell him that you're calling off the wedding, as he's found someone else, obviously.. if he doesn't react then you know The TRUTH.

That could also massively backfire...

Oh dear, I'm sorry this has/ is happening..... I'm afraid you need to act FAST.
Change your routine; flip it up, get drastic, never be in the place where he expects you to be. This has RED FLAGS all over it. Stop doing all the usual things.

I would talk to him. A girl working with my other half sent him the odd message and then invited him to a gig. He hadnt replied to the messages and told me about the gig, I told him the truth that I wasn't sure how I felt about it but I wouldn't stop him going because I do trust him. I asked if the roles were reversed how he would feel about it. We have a great relationship and can talk through insecurities.
He decided not to go but he made the choice not me.
I think if you sre planning to marry this guy you need to be able to share how you feel and discuss it. I the course if life there is a lot to navigate and you need to make sure you are able to communicate.
Its likely they are friends and he will reassure you and you will feel much better, don't feel like your feelings aren't valid and worry about being labelled.

At no point have you mentioned anything about your feelings for him OP.

you say he says he loves you and you say you are getting married, and you talk about your age A LOT.

Not once have you said how you feel about him and how that’s different to any other relationship etc. It reads as though you are a bit emotionally detached from him anyway and you are marrying somebody that you are happy to co-habit with because you get along well and think you are getting old.

are you sure this is a healthy and balanced relationship?

Agree. No point in a relationship if there isnt trust and loyalty , otherwise whats the point. A ' partner' relationshop is supposed to be a bit different from other relationships. That's the whole point.

I get it OP. You're happily bobbing along in your relationship when your fiancé suddenly meets a pretty young "rock chick" type who works in a record shop and happens to love eg motorbikes just as much as he does.
These days loads of people are very fluid in their sexuality - just because she was with a woman doesnt mean she only likes women.
I'd be feeling insecure too. Its normal to want to protect what you have.
I wouldn't tread water like a sitting duck though. Sit him down and be vulnerable. Tell him what youre scared of. Let him soothe you.

Next time they do their ‘hobby’ together make sure you go along. Watch closely your gut instinct will tell you all you need to know.